In Your Arms
by ReddTwilight
Summary: He's looking for love, she's looking for anything. Can two people with two different perspectives on life overcome the twists and turns of fate and still come out together in the end?
1. Fate

**A/N: He's a lonely executive working in his father's company searching for the thing to make his life complete. She's an overworked, underpaid bookstore associate who doesn't know what she's missing in her life until he stumbles into her path. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

**EPOV**

I sat in one of the chairs staring out the window over the Seattle skyline. My mind was awash with a billion thoughts, the majority of them focusing on the events of the past few weeks. I shifted my position as I reached up and loosened my tie and popped open the first two buttons on my blue dress shirt. There, that was better.

I grabbed the beer I'd taken from the hotel room's mini bar and downed a long drink. My eyes continued to gaze out across the city below me, people moving along in their afternoon rush; late afternoon now. It was close to five. I checked my watch to be sure. I was wrong. It was quarter after five. I took another drink from my beer and toed my shoes off. Might as well get comfortable.

I sighed loudly through my nose raking my hand back through my untidy bronze hair and settled back into the chair. I couldn't get a specific day out of my head. The events of which were forever going to be etched into my mind, and I knew they had altered the path of my life. It was because of _her_.

All it had taken was a sideways step and she was a part of my life, the most important part. Funny how things like that happen. I sighed again, frustrated this time, and got up beginning to pace around the room. As far as hotel rooms go this one was typical, a little on the pricier side, but not overly opulent. It had a queen size bed draped in a comforter that matched the fabric the curtains were made out of; a couch sat across from it next to the low dresser over which hung a large mirror.

To the right of the bed was a large floor to ceiling window in front of which sat two armchairs angled toward it with a round coffee table between them. The bathroom had a large glass enclosed shower with a massage setting on the showerhead. But I rarely spent time in there other than to take care of the necessities.

This room was becoming familiar and comforting to me. I'd spent so much time in it over the past few weeks that I could tell you where the painters had missed a few spots with the rollers on the walls; where the paint didn't lay quite thick enough and there were paler patches here and there. But still, the warm nutmeg color was soothing; like coffee with a little milk mixed in to provide a soft brown.

I walked over to where I'd plugged in my iHome and turned it on placing the blessed gadget in its cradle and scrolled through to my alternative collection. I needed to sit and think some more. I settled back down in the same armchair and took another long drink from my beer. As soon as the music drifted over to me I let my mind travel back to three weeks ago.

_My life had become a simple, mundane routine of getting up each morning, showering, getting dressed, breakfast, work, and come home. It was an easy routine to remember, but it was monotonous and dull. And I wanted more. It was after three years of this and shortly after my twenty-fifth birthday that it struck me just how utterly lonely I was. _

_I had gotten so wrapped up in doing my job, keeping up with my performance in my father's company that I never took the time to try and find someone to share my life with. I knew I didn't feel complete, like something was missing, but I didn't know what. I considered getting a dog, but then I remembered my landlord didn't allow them. _

_For years now my mother had been trying to set me up with a girlfriend in the hopes that sparks would fly and eventually I'd pop the question. But none of the girls ever held my interest for very long. They were all attractive and well educated but none of them shared anything in common with me. I didn't even know what I was looking for in a partner._

_After the fourth failure I told my mother to stop. I wanted to discover on my own what it was I was looking for. I wanted it to hit me in the face, or chest, or gut or whatever it felt like when you fell in love. _

_But in order to make a relationship work you had to have one in the first place, and that was why I was walking into the _Barnes and Noble_ a few streets down from the building that housed both my father's company and my career. I had finished for the day and wasn't quite ready to head home to an empty apartment again._

_I grabbed a coffee from the in-store _Starbucks_ and made my way over to the 'Relationships' section. There were books in counseling, getting through fights and break ups, and divorce. I hoped that if I ever managed to get a relationship off the ground that I would not need to make a return visit for one of those particular books._

_I continued to scan the plethora of titles noticing those '_For Dummies_' books for _ _ and _eHarmony_. Definitely not what I was looking for. I felt like such a loser for having to find a relationship how-to book, but I was completely desperate and I needed a little guidance. I scanned my eyes over the spines choosing one that looked promising and stepped out in the aisle between bookshelves to look for a chair to settle in. I barely stepped sideways and my body rammed into another, distinctly feminine, body._

"_Oh my God, I'm _so_ sorry!" the young woman gasped and exclaimed quietly. My now empty coffee cup tumbled to the floor where the contents were along with the pile of books she had been carrying. They were soaked in mocha cappuccino as was the front of her gray pencil skirt. _

"_No, it's my fault; I wasn't watching where I walked." I knelt and started helping her pile the ruined books up, one of which was mine. I reached for it at the same time she did and our hands touched. I felt a spark when her skin touched mine and I recoiled, hoping I didn't seem like an asshole in the process. _

_She gasped quietly and pulled back looking up at me. I looked at her as well and my breath was knocked out of me. I found myself staring into the richest, most beautiful chocolate eyes I had ever seen. I held her gaze long enough to be considered indecent between acquaintances, and quickly looked down to grab my book before she could see the title. I was suddenly ashamed of it. _

_She grabbed my empty cup and the pile of books and we stood together silently. I saw her glance me up and down under her lashes and then her eyes fell on my stained dress shirt and tie. "Oh God, your suit is ruined. I'm so sorry, it must be expensive."_

"_It's nothing, don't worry." I glanced to her skirt. The front of it was spattered in dark spots. "It's not as bad you skirt."_

"_Oh," she looked down at the stains and brushed them with her hand her face flaming with red. I gasped this time. She had the loveliest blush against her ivory skin. My eyes drifted to her nametag pinned onto the vest over her t-shirt. '_Isabella_'. Even her name took my breath away. She was dressed conservatively in stockings and heels, but it was professional and at the same time sexy. Without the pumps she had to be 5'4''._

"_I'm such a klutz." She muttered as we continued to stand there awkwardly. "Uh, the men's room is right over there if you want to wash up, I'll get you another coffee. What book do you have?"_

"_Oh, uh it's nothing. I wasn't actually intending on buying it." Lie. _

"_Well, I can offer for it to be on the house since technically this accident was my fault."_

"_No, no it was mine." I insisted. "And, please, you don't have to do that. I'd prefer if you didn't."_

"_I have to damage that out now; really it's the least I can do for ruining your clothes."_

_And what was I supposed to do for her? _

_I took a hesitant step toward her when I heard an all-too familiar crunch under my feet. Oh shit, I knew that sound. Isabella gasped and her hand flew to her head. "Oh shit," she muttered. I picked my foot up and sure enough underneath it was a pair of busted glasses. If I didn't feel terrible before I definitely felt mortified now. _

_I bent down and carefully picked up the broken pieces glancing sheepishly and apologetically up at her. She looked sad but not devastated. "Uh…just leave the little pieces and I'll get the vacuum for them. Actually just put them down on the floor, I'll just throw everything out at once. Um…I'll be right back. Like I said, the men's room is over there and I'm gonna grab you another coffee."_

_Before I could get a word in to protest she was rushing away. I was such an ass. Not only did I destroy her pretty skirt, I demolished her glasses. I glanced at the designer on them. Damn it, DG was interlaced together on the side._

_I sighed heavily and got to my feet leaving the glasses on the floor as she asked and looked around in the direction she had pointed for the restrooms. I left my book as well and walked over nearly slamming through the door in my frustration. I was angry with myself. I was such a fuck up. I stood at the sink staring at the stains on my shirt before grabbing handfuls of the paper towel from the dispenser and ran them under cold water. _

_This was going to do me absolutely no good and I was better off just throwing the shirt out when I got home. I had a million white dress shirts. But I stood there rubbing at the stain muttering under my breath about what an ass I was. I meet a nice girl, albeit in an awkward way, and the first thing I do is get coffee all over her skirt and smash her expensive designer glasses. _

_Yeah, a relationship is right on the horizon for me._

_I finally gave up and tossed the used towels in the trash, washed my hands and tried to get my hair back to the way I liked it, but it had a mind of its own the way it always had and refused to be set in any kind of order. _

_I left the bathroom still muttering and tried to pull my jacket closed over the worst of the stain as I walked back to the scene of the crime. Isabella was there on her knees scrubbing at the carpet, a spray bottle beside her along with a small trash bag and a small hand held vacuum. She finished scrubbing and looked up at me. "Oh, I didn't see you there." She got up and collected everything putting it off to the side._

_She walked over to the small table surrounded by armchairs and picked up a fresh coffee cup and a small plastic bag. "One new cappuccino and your book, as promised."_

_I sighed, but took the bag and thanked her quietly. She leaned toward me and put her hand to her mouth as she whispered, "There's also a ten dollar gift card in there as well, from my manager." She pulled back and said in a normal tone. "Incentive to come back."_

"_Thank you," I said again. "Isabella, right?"_

_She glanced to her nametag and scoffed quietly. "Yeah, I need to get that changed." She looked back up at me, "I prefer Bella."_

"_Bella," I repeated, loving the sound of her name on my tongue. "Edward," I shifted the plastic bag to the hand holding the coffee cup and offered her my free one. She took it and shook once before letting it fall. _

"_It's very nice to meet you, Edward. And I'm sorry once again." She offered me a small smile._

_Mine grew a little broader as I heard her speak my name for the first time, relishing in the way she said it so softly. "Please don't apologize." I whispered._

"_All right," she said hesitantly, drawing her bottom lip between her teeth and chewing on it innocently as she shifted on her feet. "Well, hopefully I'll see you around here again." She turned her back and gathered everything she had been cleaning with and started to leave while I stood there frozen and looking like a complete idiot. _

"_Wait," I called quietly. She turned and looked back to me. "Uh, listen…Do you think maybe I could take you out to dinner? It's the least _I_ can do for the damage I caused to your wardrobe."_

"_You really don't have to…"_

"_Please," I pressed, "I insist."_

_Bella drew in a breath and held it for a minute as she deliberated. "When,"_

"_Tomorrow," I asked, praying she said yes. "I can come here and get you and we can go from there, if you like?"_

"_All right," she said after another minute. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow night, Edward. I get off at six."_

"_I'll be here," I promised._

That day would forever be burned into my memory. It was the first day I started to live.

I was broken from my reverie by the sound of a card in the lock on the other side of the door. I opened my eyes realizing I was pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger and sat up in the chair. The lock beeped and clicked and the door opened slowly a moment later as my personal miracle walked through.

Bella shut the door behind her and greeted me quietly as she walked in, placing her clutch and room key beside my wallet and key on the dresser. She toed off her teal peep-toe flats and walked over to the window shutting the curtain before I heard her settle at my feet.

"Hey," I said softly. "You look beautiful today."

"You say that every time." Bella murmured as she ran her hand up and down my thigh.

"But you really do look beautiful today." I repeated.

"Thank you, Edward." She sat up on her knees so she could reach me and pressed a light kiss to my lips. "How was your day?" She asked in between subsequent kisses.

"Boring," I answered against her lips, threading my fingers into her hair. She sighed and grabbed fistfuls of my shirt pulling me up off the chair and toward the bed. I ditched my jacket and tie on the way there and gratefully fell to the soft surface with her, wrapping her up in my arms as the intensity of our kissing increased until we were both panting for air.

We shed our clothes quickly, forgoing all the usual niceties that we engaged in on other afternoons of the same nature. I could tell from the way Bella weaved her fingers into my hair and pulled that she had had the same frustrating day that I had had. We were both desperate for release right now, desperate for each other.

After sheathing myself in latex I pulled Bella as close as I could and pushed all the way into her at once. We weren't slow, we weren't gentle, and we didn't take our time. We fucked each other like we had on our third date. It was a need for pure physical contact, nothing else.

We released within moments of each other, shouting the other's name as our hips snapped in perfect rhythm and opposite directions. I collapsed afterwards and rolled over pulling the condom off to drop it in the trash next to the bed. When I turned back over, Bella grabbed my face and pulled me in for a deep kiss that left us both breathless once again.

"God, I needed that." She gasped when we broke apart. Bella rolled over and cuddled her head on my chest the way she always did, wrapping one arm across my torso.

"Me too, I had one of those days. Spent the entire morning and afternoon thinking about you. About how I couldn't wait for the day to be over so I could get here and see you."

Bella picked her head up supporting her weight on one arm, her eyes gazing down into mine with the softest expression. She curled her fingers into my hair before closing the space between our mouths.

We lost ourselves in the kiss easily and were soon starting round two. This time we were slower and gentler with each other as we ran hands and lips over skin with the lightest pressure. Bella curled herself back into my side once we finished and we laid there in comfortable silence for an hour or so.

I ordered room service when she got up to use the bathroom and pulled my shorts back on. I heard the shower turn on in the bathroom and was sorely tempted to join Bella in there, but someone had to be out here to answer the door when dinner arrived. So I made myself comfortable at the end of the bed watching the news on the TV and waiting for a knock at our door.

Our dinner still hadn't arrived when Bella wandered back out into the bedroom smelling fresh and slightly like vanilla, which I credited to the samples in the bathroom. She had wrapped up in one of the hotel robes, her still damp hair hanging down her back, darker than its normal brown since it was wet.

"What did you order?" she asked sweetly as she placed herself in my lap and leaned in kissing my neck.

"Just sandwiches, I can't eat anything heavy right now."

"Yeah, me neither." Bella agreed, but her voice sounded off. She sighed lightly and got up heading back towards the bathroom.

I followed her this time stopping in the doorway and watched as she brushed her hair, her eyes on mine in the mirror. "What's wrong?" I asked after a minute of silence from her.

"Nothing," Bella responded quietly her eyes dropping from mine. I was just about to call her out on her lie when there was finally a knock at the door. I accepted the two trays and tipped the hotel employee before shutting the door. I sipped on my soda while I waited for Bella to come out and join me.

There was still something off in her expression when she exited the bathroom, and I noticed that she had put my dress shirt on. "Sexy," I commented as she sat down across from me at the little round table by the window.

"I knew you'd think so," she smirked back at me. We started to eat in silence, both of us just looking around the room, at our plates, at the window…but never at each other. The atmosphere was never this tense between us and I wondered what could possibly be going on inside Bella's mind to cause so much anxiety.

"Can we talk about something?" Bella asked suddenly as we were finishing our meal.

"We can talk about anything." I answered, staring at her as I willed her eyes to look up at mine.

Then Bella picked her head up and asked me a question I never expected.

"Why are we hiding like this?"

A/N: Leave a review and let me know what you think!


	2. Sparks

**A/N: I know these chapters are coming a little late, but honestly this weekend, I forgot to post them. I got distracted. **

**Disclaimer: Your first sip of morning coffee is always the best. Not having Edward Cullen for my own is not. I do not own Twilight.**

**BPOV**

The question was out of my mouth before I could stop myself from speaking it. I knew Edward didn't want to hear it. I had known for almost three weeks now. Ever since he suggested we spend an evening here. And then it turned into afternoons three days a week. Different days yes, for different amounts of time, but always in this room.

Why?

I could tell from the expression on his face, that he was going to try and dodge the question. I wouldn't let him. I wanted to know if this had to do with a comfort zone thing, or if we were truly hiding from someone, or multiple people.

"Is there something you're ashamed of? Being seen with me perhaps?" I guessed.

His head snapped up from where he had been staring down into his lap. Disbelief crossed his face and he shook his head as he reached across the table laying his hand on mine.

"No, Bella. No, I would never be ashamed of being seen with you. I want the world to know you belong to me. Me and no one else."

I smiled at his sentiment, but pulled my hand back and laid it in my lap. "Then why do we do this week after week, Edward? Why don't we go out on another date like our first one, or second one?"

"You were exactly right when you said hiding. I hoped I would never make you feel that way. But yes, _I_ am hiding from someone." He admitted.

_Oh God_. What if it was an ex-girlfriend?

Was he really that petrified some chick who couldn't hold onto him was going to stalk him on the streets for being with another girl? Well, her ass would hit the ground before she saw it coming.

"I'm hiding…from my family." Edward admitted slowly on a deep exhale. He got up from the table and grabbed a beer from the mini bar. I declined the one he offered me.

"Why?" I asked gently, moving across the room to join him on the couch. "Do they not want you to be in a relationship with someone?"

"Just the opposite, actually." Edward popped the top off his beer and took a long sip. "My parents, my mother in particular, have been hounding me for years to settle down. I work in my father's company, as I've told you, and I've just been so caught up in the job that I never stopped to look around and find someone to share my life with."

I reached for his free hand while he sipped his beer some more. I could relate, sort of. I was too busy trying to make ends meet right now and break into writing to be bothered trying to find someone to share any potential success with. I had my cat, and for now, that was good enough.

"I suppose I shouldn't be so afraid of admitting to my family that I finally found someone." Edward looked up at me, his eyes soft. Did he mean what he really just said? That I was _someone_? Someone he had been looking for. "I've been waiting for it to hit me in the face forever, Bella. And I think it just did."

This awkward little conversation between us had just turned into the sweetest, most romantic moment of my life. I climbed into his lap forcing him to put the beer in his hand down and he wrapped his arms lightly around me to keep me from falling.

"So, am I definitely relationship potential then?" I asked, very serious. Edward chuckled beneath me and bowed his head to kiss the tip of my nose.

"If that isn't what we have been doing these past few weeks, then yes. Otherwise, you're already there, Bella. You are the first woman I have ever considered dating exclusively since high school." He closed the small distance between our mouths, kissing me gently for a minute before sucking my lower lip into his mouth.

I could stay like this with him forever. Let him kiss me like this for the rest of my days. No one had ever made me feel more special, like I truly meant something to him as a person. We broke apart sighing softly, a sound of relief more so than joy.

"So where do we go from here?" I asked, starting to slip down from his lap.

"Well, we can go our separate ways for the evening, or we can stay together as long as you want. And this weekend I want to take you to meet my family." Edward said it so quickly, but so assuredly I thought he had misspoken.

"I would love those last two options." I whispered.

"Where would you like to go?"

"Let's go back to my place."

Edward smiled to himself and stood up lifting me from his lap and setting my feet on the floor. We decided not to stay the night in the room like we usually did. We got dressed and checked out together, vowing as we walked out the door that we had just spent our last afternoon in that room. And we wouldn't be coming back.

He held my hand tightly in his as we walked back to my apartment, the route familiar to me. But this was only Edward's second time. We passed by the restaurant where we had had our first date and I pointed it out to him. He checked his watch and smiled at me.

"At this time three weeks ago we were having dinner on the other side of those doors."

I snuggled against his side remembering that night.

_Just as Edward had promised he showed up at the bookstore around six, dressed impeccably for his job. Tonight he had on a dark blue suit with a light blue shirt underneath and no tie. I assumed he had taken it off before he arrived, or maybe he hadn't even worn one today. _

_I saw him walk in, hands in his pants pockets, his hair in the same disarray it had been in last night. I longed to reach up and run my fingers through it to see if it was soft as it appeared. I'll admit last night I was mortified when I drenched him in coffee. I wanted to curl up in a corner and die. _

_Here was this nice, very attractive man, just perusing the shelves and I had to be my typical clumsy self and destroy his expensive suit. I didn't care much for my own wardrobe at the time. I had just started working here and I was petrified I would get fired after just my first week. I needed this job, and it didn't help my employee status if I was spilling six-dollar cappuccinos on all the customers. _

_So I had apologized to him and got him a new copy of his book. I felt a little bad for him when I read the cover, when he wasn't looking of course. How could such an attractive, obviously successful man need help getting in to a relationship? It wasn't until I heard my glasses crunch under his foot that my sympathy for him turned back on me. _

_I was upset, since I didn't have the money to replace them at the time, and I was going to have to deal with my contacts for a month or so, but I didn't let my disappointment show. Of course to make me even more embarrassed he had to insist on taking me out to dinner as an apology. I was sure he was about to get down on his knees and beg if I kept rejecting him. But I gave in and told him I got off at six the following evening. _

_My shift was almost over at this point, and I had thought ahead this morning remembering that I had a "date" if I wanted to call it that. So I had donned a nice dress this morning that hit just above the knee and I slipped on my favorite kitten heels and grabbed a waist length sweater for later in the evening. _

_I had a couple guys hit on me throughout the day. I usually didn't wear dresses to work, I felt more comfortable in slacks or a skirt, and my customers made more comments about my legs than the books I was recommending. I hated the attention, but I will continue to wear my collection of pencil skirts because they are professional, and that is how I want to look. _

"_You look very pretty tonight." A voice whispered behind me. I was about to turn around and tell off yet another guy for checking out my ass, when I was met with the reason for said current attire. _

"_You're here," It came out breathy, and more so in relief. I hope it didn't sound as desperate to him as it did to me. _

"_I said I would be." Edward smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. A common gesture signaling that one is uncomfortable. I took a moment to look him up and down as he stared at the floor. He had the top two buttons of his shirt undone and I got peak at the light dusting of hair across the top of his chest and just a hint of collarbone. An unnecessary shiver ran down my spine and I shook it off hoping he didn't notice. _

"_Are you almost ready?" he asked a moment later, snapping me back to reality. I swear I had been a moment away from drooling. _

"_Yeah, uh…" I looked down to my watch and noticed it was two minutes to six. "Just let me put these away and I'll meet you by the door." _

_Without another word I took off for the back room, pressing my back to the door as soon as I was on the other side of it. He had definitely not had this reaction on me last night. So what had changed so much in the space of twenty-four hours? _

_Was it because I was about to have dinner with this unbelievably attractive man? Or was it the fact that I hadn't had sex in almost eight months, and here was a possibility for me to maybe get some action tonight – putting aside of course that Edward's looks made that whole situation ten times more appealing._

_I set the two books in my hands down on the table and left a Post-it on them for my manager Charlotte that they needed to be marked for clearance. I then stopped in the employee restroom and stared at my reflection in the long mirror as I smoothed out the front of my dress trying to pull it down just a touch more. A little flash of cleavage never hurt anyone, but then I realized I was acting desperate, and I didn't want to come off as just wanting to get in his pants and nothing else. He had been genuine and kind when he asked me to dinner, with no undertone of sexual desire. _

"_There's no reason to be so flustered over this one guy. You just met him, you don't even know him. He could be a total creeper for all you know." What was I saying? No way could Edward be a creeper. He just…couldn't. "He's a nice guy, and its just dinner. Nothing to be stressed over." _

_Oh who was I kidding? _

_I smoothed my skirt once more repeating my little pep talk to myself as I walked back out toward the store. I grabbed my sweater and bag and punched out before walking out onto the floor. I pulled my sweater on as I headed for the door, seeing Edward standing there looking like a god in his blue suit. _

_My breath caught for a moment as I stared at him, the fluorescent light above him creating a soft halo around him. All he was missing was the wings. Wait, did I just compare Edward to an archangel? What was wrong with me? _

"_Ok, I'm all set." I announced as I approached him. _

"_Thank you for allowing me to take you out as an apology. I feel horrible for destroying your glasses. And your clothes." He tacked on at the end. "I wish you would let me replace them for you." _

"_Please, this is already more than enough." I said quietly. I glanced around uncomfortably for a moment before looking back to him. "So where are we going?"_

"_There's a restaurant not too far from here called _Tango_ that I would like to take you to."_

"_How far is not too far?" I asked, a small smile playing at my lips as we walked out the door. _

"_Not too far, but we need a cab." _

_I had heard of the place, but had never had a reason to go there. I was suddenly very glad I had chosen my style of dress today. This wasn't exactly a restaurant where you showed up in jeans and a t-shirt, but a jacket wasn't required either. _

_We walked down to 5__th__ Avenue and Edward got a cab for what would have been about a half an hour walk, and at this point in the day I wasn't too keen on it, even if I had been wearing only kitten heels. _

_The cab ride was silent for the most part. I spent the time staring out the window at the lights and windows of buildings as we drove by them. But I could feel Edward's eyes on me the whole time. _

_After paying the fare Edward took my hand, much to my surprise although I didn't pull back, and we walked inside the elegant restaurant. He smiled at the hostess and gave her his name for a reservation. I threw him a smirk. He must have been feeling pretty confident earlier today when he made the call. However, it's not like I would have objected to anything he suggested. _

_He took my coat for me, pulled my chair out and pushed it in. I was impressed by his chivalrous attitude and I had to wonder for a moment if he had been this way with any ex-girlfriends. _

"_You're quite the gentleman." I praised him as he sat down opposite from me at the small round table we had been shown to. _

"_I try," He responded quietly back to me. "Are you a wine drinker?"_

"_Sometimes. Depends on the wine." I answered honestly. "I'm not a very big fan of red wine."_

"_Me either. Would a blush be all right?"_

"_That's fine," _

_We took a moment to peruse the menu and opted to share a couple tapas and cheeses instead of ordering a full meal. Edward ordered the wine when the waiter came over and also placed our food order since we were ready._

"_I really want to replace your glasses, Bella. I feel so terrible for breaking them."_

_I held my hand up to stop him. "Please don't. It's all right. Not having them is not life threatening. They're mostly for reading."_

"_Still, they were very expensive, I saw the designer on them." _

"_It's all right, Edward, really. I just need to make do with my contacts for a couple weeks." _

_Edward sighed and hung his head for a moment before picking it back up. "They suck, though." He chuckled. _

"_Yes they do," I agreed. Our wine was brought over then and Edward poured a little bit into my glass first and offered it to me. I swirled it and sipped it, enjoying the slightly fruity taste with just enough dryness to it. "It's wonderful," I commented quietly._

_Edward took my glass back and filled it halfway before pouring himself half a glass. He sipped at it a couple times before setting it down and looking back to me. "How do you like it? The restaurant, I mean."_

"_It's really nice in here. I've actually thought about coming here once or twice, but I was hesitant to show up alone. I would've come here as a girl's night out with my best friend, but she undoubtedly would have brought her boyfriend and I would be the third wheel."_

"_Not always the most desired position to be in."_

_I shook my head in the negative even though I was agreeing. We both looked up as a waitress brought over our order. Edward thanked her quietly and declined when she asked if there was anything else we needed. _

"_Tell me something about you I don't know." He said as he made me a plate of the tapas and cheeses we had ordered. _

"_I graduated UW with a Bachelor's in literature. As soon as I gather the necessary funds I will be returning to complete my Master's and PhD."_

"_Do you want to be a professor?" He asked passing me the plate. I took a bite of the tapas chewing slowly to enjoy the tangy taste of it for a minute. _

"_No, actually I want to be an author."_

"_Like freelance?"_

_I shrugged and took another small bite chewing and swallowing carefully. "Freelance, original work…whatever direction my life takes me. What about you?"_

_Edward took a bite of his tapas and chewed it before responding. "I have a Master's in business from Northwestern, and I work in my family's advertising company. I work directly beneath my father."_

"_What advertising company?"_

"_My father is Carlisle Cullen."_

_I felt my eyes widen in shock. I was sitting at a table with the son of the most successful and one of the wealthiest men in Seattle. I almost started choking so I grabbed my wine glass and took a long sip. _

"_You ok, you look a little…bewildered."_

"_Sorry, I uh…just didn't realize who you were." _

"_I get that a lot." Edward laughed easily. "I look nothing like my father. No one ever makes the connection until I tell them." _

_I sipped my wine again nodding. After I got over initial shock our conversation picked up easily. We spent the rest of dinner exchanging college stories and discussing similarities between Northwestern and UW in terms of professors, parties, and the respective campuses. _

_Edward laughed through his recollection of his first frat party, trying very hard not to be too loud as he told me how he got so drunk one night that he and his best friend Emmett stood out on a balcony and sang _Hakuna Matata _from _The Lion King.

_I almost spewed my wine on the table I was laughing so hard. But I gained control of myself. We ordered a slice of the almond cake from the dessert menu, disappointing me because it meant the night was almost over. And I never wanted it to end. _

_I was having such a great time with Edward. I felt like I had know him my whole life even though I'd only known him for a little more than twenty-four hours. Edward paid the bill and tipped our waitress generously. Once we got outside we stood there on the sidewalk staring at each other, his hands on my upper arms. _

"_I'm that way," I nodded west. _

"_I'm the opposite way." Edward sighed. He shifted on his feet for a moment like he was uncomfortable, like he was struggling with a thought or a question he wanted to voice, but was too nervous to._

"_I had a really nice time, Edward. Thank you."_

"_Thank you for letting me take you out. We might have to do this again."_

"_Well, you do know where to find me." I joked lightly. It gained me a small smile, but Edward still looked a little unsure over something. I had no idea what it was, but I'm sure if it was something important he could come find me at work. "Well, good night." I leaned up on my toes and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. _

_When I pulled back Edward was staring at me, seeming taken aback. But then his hands were sliding down my arms and they grasped my waist pulling me closer to him as he leaned down to me pressing his mouth to mine. _

_Almost of their own volition, my arms wound naturally around his neck as I stood up on my tiptoes to kiss him more fully. His lips were so soft and full, and absolutely kissable. I sighed gently when we parted for a moment and he took the opportunity to slip his tongue past my teeth and swirl it gently with mine. _

_He tasted so good. Like wine and sweet vanilla cake, and something that could only be described as pure Edward. My hands slid down to his chest while his traveled up and cupped my face. When we parted for the second time we pressed our foreheads together and just gazed at each other, our lips barely an inch apart. _

"_Come back to my place and have a drink with me."_

_It wasn't a question. And suddenly one of the things I had been hoping to hear from him was no longer about sex. It was about being with him. _

"_I don't want to be alone tonight, Bella. And I…I know I can trust you. Please come back with me."_

"_Ok," I breathed. Edward smiled against my mouth and kissed me again. He got a cab to take us back to his building, spending the whole ride this time holding my hand and rubbing the back of it with his thumb. _

_The elevator ride up to his apartment was spent with the two of us wrapped around each other trading light kisses back and forth. Now that I had started, I couldn't stop. I wouldn't mind spending the whole night like this, even if it went nowhere else. The man I was holding could have his pick of any girl in the city, and yet he was not in a relationship and had chosen me. I was having just a bit of an ego boost at the moment. _

"_This is me," Edward announced as we arrived at his door on the tenth floor. _

"_This is beautiful." I said quietly as I appraised the space around me. He took my coat from my shoulders and hung it up by the door. _

"_I like it. Plus," He guided me over to the window pulling me against him and pointed out at the Seattle skyline, "I am within walking distance of my father's company." _

"_That's a nice bonus." _

"_It is," _

_I turned so I was facing Edward, my fingers reaching up to curl into the collar of his shirt. I stood up on my tiptoes so I could reach and pressed my mouth against his. Right now I wanted nothing more than to just be with him in any way I could. _

_After his admission outside the restaurant and he told me he trusted me, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. This was about nothing more than two people just being together. I clutched his shirt tighter pulling myself closer to him. I felt Edward's hands snake around my waist and down to my bottom clutching me. He surprised me when he lifted me up. _

_I gasped as my legs wrapped around his waist naturally, my arms curling around his neck for further support and Edward backed us up until my back was against a wall. When we parted finally we were both gasping for air. I twisted one hand into his untidy hair, our eyes locked. We both knew what we wanted right now, and we were both hesitant to voice our mutual want for it. _

"_Bella, do you think it would be wrong and inappropriate if I told you something right now?"_

_I shook my head in the negative. "I've been thinking about you all day, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since last night." He started to slowly set me on my feet. "You are so beautiful, and I want you. All of you. I just don't want to make a mistake tonight that could ruin something that could potentially be good for both of us."_

_I reached up cupping his cheek running my thumb along the very light stubble. "I'll admit I had some thoughts earlier tonight, but since you told me you trust me…Edward, I want you, too. But I don't want this to be just about sex."_

"_Me either. I…I want to be with you, Bella. I've never felt this way before, and I really don't want to mess it up." _

"_You've only known me for twenty-four hours."_

"_I think I've known you a little longer than that."_

_I chuckled and leaned up to kiss him again. "Maybe just a little longer." Edward responded with a brilliant smile and wrapped his arms around me lifting me back up to him. My body instinctively curled around his as he carried us through his apartment to his bedroom. _

_I woke up the next morning still wrapped in his arms. And I knew from then on I never wanted to sleep alone again. _

**A/N: I've posted Polyvore updates for the first two chapters. Head over to Polyvore . com and search ReddTwilight. I am still currently trying to fix the links on my profile. **


	3. Affection

**A/N: Thank you everyone so much for all of the reviews! I didn't expect so many, so it was a nice surprise to see my inbox blown up. Also, if you have any questions you would like to ask me please feel free to PM me anytime. I am always near my computer. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, just a lot of Burt's Bees cough drops. They are my candy.**

**EPOV**

I don't know what had made me ask Bella to come back to my place that night for a drink, but I was glad that I did. I couldn't keep my hands off of her after that first kiss, and I wanted nothing more than to take her back to my apartment and make love to her until the early hours of the morning.

I got the feeling, however, from Bella that she wouldn't want tonight to be about just that. And so I had opened up to her, admitted that I trusted her, and it was true. Despite how hot and heavy the atmosphere suddenly became between us, we didn't have sex that night. After I shut my bedroom door we fell on the bed and made out for almost an hour. Only our shoes, her sweater and my jacket made it onto the floor.

I don't remember who woke up first in the middle of the night, but we wandered out into the kitchen and I poured us two glasses of orange juice. After that I gave her one of my oversized nightshirts to wear and asked if she wanted to sleep in the bed and I would sleep on the couch.

When Bella said she wanted to sleep with me, I couldn't deny her. We curled up together on my bed, and woke up facing each other. I hadn't had a good night's sleep like that in months. Three weeks later, I can only sleep like that when Bella and I are together. I was becoming an addict.

"So which way is your apartment?" I asked as we headed down the sidewalk away from the restaurant where we had had our first date.

"That way," and Bella nodded west as she had done after dinner that night. I chuckled and leaned over kissing her temple.

"Should we get a cab?"

"No, it's only a few blocks."

We headed back down Pike Street onto 8th Avenue and walked for a couple blocks before turning down Spring Street and heading west again for five minutes. Bella stopped in front of a building and looked up at it.

"This is me,"

"This is nice. Do you walk to work?"

"Sometimes. If I do I just head down 5th Avenue to Pine Street."

"That's a little bit of a walk."

"Yeah, but I work afternoons and evenings, so I don't have to walk it very early in the morning."

"I would hate that, and I have to be at work at 8 am most mornings."

Bella grimaced with an apologetic look on her face. "What do you do with your mornings?"

"I work on my writing mostly. Or I'm researching graduate programs at UW."

I glanced down at her for a moment. She was almost the same age as me, maybe a year younger, and she had only recently graduated with her bachelor's degree. "Did you take some time off after high school before going to college?" I had meant it to be an honest question, but it came out sounding a little awkward.

"Uh…yeah, but let's talk about it inside. It's getting a cold." Bella shivered a little next to me so I wrapped my arm around her shoulders as we walked inside.

She lived on the fifth floor in an average sized apartment. Not as big as mine, but I wasn't expecting it to be. But it was perfect for her. The walls were off white and had built-in shelves in the living room, which were crammed with books.

Her kitchen was done in light colored wood cabinets and more off white tile on the floor. I spotted a pet bowl under the window and remembered that she had a cat.

"When do I get to meet your roommate?" I teased.

Bella looked back at me with a surprised expression on her face. But then she looked down at the food bowl on the floor and recognition came into her eyes.

"Oh, right. Hang on." She disappeared around the corner into what I assumed was her bedroom and came back out a minute later with an orange cat that had cream colored stripes, and a puff of hair on its head that seemed to refuse to be smoothed down. "This is Mr. Smee. After the character in Disney's _Peter Pan_."

"I like that." I walked over and reached out to pet her cat, but he raised a paw to my hand and began waving it in a 'back-off bozo' fashion.

"Give him some time to adjust to you. He doesn't really like strangers."

"I can see that."

Bella put her cat down giving him a nudge with her foot. "Get out of hear and go relax somewhere." She told him. He padded off into the living room where I watched him jump up onto one of those cat condo towers. He curled up on a pad and went to sleep.

"Don't let him bother you. He's a spoiled brat. Just give him a tap on the nose if he starts harassing you."

"I don't think I'll let him get that close for now."

Bella laughed and walked over to her fridge. She grabbed a couple beers and popped the caps off before handing one to me. "So, would you want to stay tonight? Or do you have to be at work early?"

I sipped my beer and put it down on the counter behind me. "Unfortunately I have to go to work in the morning. But I would love to have lunch with you tomorrow."

"Ok, that works, I'm off."

"Oh, well aren't you lucky."

Bella shrugged her shoulders. "Part-timer."

We stood there at opposite sides of the kitchen nursing our beers for a few minutes while an almost uncomfortable silence passed between us. "So, how come you started college so late?"

"Oh, well…"

"It's ok, I know you don't like to talk about your family." I told her, walking over and taking her hands in mine.

"No, it's not that." Bella shook her head. "It's just hard to talk about my family."

"Something bad?"

Bella shook her head. "I really…I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it. But you did admit some things about your family to me."

"If you don't think you can talk about it, then don't. I won't push you."

"No, I need to start talking about it more. Come on," Bella took my hand and led me off to the living room.

We sat on the couch and talked until almost midnight. Bella cried a little, and I let her. But when we finished she seemed like a huge weight had been lifted from her chest. She looked almost…relieved.

"Do me a favor though, this weekend with your family. Don't mention anything, ok?"

"I promise." I leaned in and kissed her goodbye in the doorway. I hated to leave her now, but I needed to get back to my apartment and sleep. I had to be up at 6 am, and in at my desk by 7. My dad was giving a huge presentation tomorrow for the upcoming quarter and he wanted to prep with me in the morning.

"I'll see you tomorrow for lunch."

"Looking forward to it." Bella smiled. I gave her one more kiss and turned down the hall toward the elevators.

I picked Bella up Saturday afternoon at her apartment. I had called ahead to let her know I was on my way and that I was driving us. Just because I was within walking distance of where I worked didn't mean I didn't own a car. When my father hired me out of college he had made the not so subtle suggestion of investing in a good car.

And so we had gone out with my older brother Emmett and I chose the one that caught my eye. I knew the moment I saw it.

"You drive that?" Bella asked as she walked outside her building. She had chosen a cream-colored dress with a delicate floral pattern, and an orange wrap sweater to go over top.

I chuckled to myself as she eyed up my Audi. I loved my car. Nothing would ever separate me from it.

"I drive it on occasion. Like today when its necessary since my parents live outside the city."

"How come you don't live outside the city?" Bella asked as got in the car. I leaned down from where I was holding the door open for her.

"Because I like having my own space, and being far away from my mom so she's not always pestering me with questions about my personal life."

"Like the phone isn't easy for her to pick up and call you?" Bella quirked an eyebrow.

"I don't answer my land line usually. That's why I have a cell phone, and I usually let her calls run to voicemail."

"You're really not a very nice child."

I shut her door and walked around to the other side. I knew she was teasing and I grinned her as I got in. "I'm a horribly, rotten son, just like she always told me growing up." I added sarcastically.

"I'll bet you are." Bella quipped back.

Our light banter continued all the way to my parents' house. Bella was quick with her comebacks. Her sharp wit was one of the things I loved most about her. She made me laugh harder than any other girl I had known before her. I hadn't so much fun with a girl since high school.

One day I plan to tell Bella about Tanya, but just some of the memories associated with that friendship still haunted me at night when I slept alone. Bella didn't need to know about that quite yet.

We were the last of my siblings to arrive for dinner. I parked behind Emmett's Jeep, his idea of a joke when it came to a serious car. But he wasn't working for my dad. He actually did more work with my mom, who was an interior designer. Emmett owned his own construction company, and he dealt mainly with houses.

I was already considering him for when I wanted a place of my own someday. Maybe it would even a place I could share with Bella. The thought made me smile broadly as I got out of my car and walked around to get Bella's door for her.

"I would normally ask a guy if he was always a gentleman like this, but I don't have to ask you that."

"Why?" I asked feeling a little confused.

"Because you're like this every where we go together. It's nice," Bella wrapped an arm around my waist and leaned up to kiss me as we approached the front door.

It opened before we even reached it and on the other side of it stood my older brother, Emmett. "I saw that," He teased as Bella and I walked up the front porch.

"Saw what?" I asked, playing dumb. "We weren't doing anything."

"I'm just happy for you, man."

"Thanks. Emmett, this is Bella. Bella, please don't be offended my oaf of a brother may say. Everything is in good fun, I swear."

"I'll try. It's nice to meet you, Emmett." Bella offered her hand, but Emmett just wrapped her up in a reserved hug. I'm sure if hugged her the way he normally did he would crush her ribs. Sometimes my brother forgets how strong he is.

"Emmett, let the poor girl breathe."

I heard my mother behind him, and tried to see over his shoulder, but she just pushed her way forward. "Finally, it's so nice to meet, Bella. Welcome," Esme hugged Bella as well, and I could tell she was beginning to get uncomfortable by all of this.

I grabbed her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Bella glanced at me with a small smile of gratitude as we finally walked into the house.

Esme led the way to the dining room talking animatedly as she went, "I hope you both are hungry, I made a lot of food."

"Well, we all know Em here will eat about half of it on his own." I got a punch in the kidneys for that one.

My younger sister was already at the table with her fiancé, and Emmet's new wife, Rosalie was also sitting down. I had been surprised when Alice didn't run for the door the moment my tires hit the driveway. But I could tell she was entirely caught up with Jasper, so I was thankful. I didn't know if Bella was ready for the whole Alice Cullen experience quite yet. I made introductions around the table, watching the smiles Bella got. I knew everyone would love her.

"Where's dad?"

"He's coming. He's in his office finishing up some paperwork." Esme explained as she began making plates and passing them around.

Everything was very informal, which I could tell helped Bella relax quite a bit. She still seemed a bit reserved when my father walked in and took the last empty seat next to my mom.

For the first few minutes my dad and I were caught up discussing meetings for next week and the projects that needed accomplishing, but eventually the conversation turned to Alice and Jasper and their plans for next spring. They had yet to set a date, but everything was leaning towards April.

Finally the conversation came around to Bella as my mother started passing around dessert plates and coffee cups. She had been asked questions throughout dinner about how we met and where we had been hiding for the last three weeks. I answered them all nonchalantly and truthfully.

"We wanted to keep it to ourselves for a while." I explained, "We didn't know where things would go."

"Or how long they would last."

"I'm just so glad you've found someone, Edward. I was getting really worried about you."

"Mom, please." I held up a hand. "There's no need to worry." I stuck a piece of the cake she had made for dessert in my mouth.

"I can see that now. So, tell us a little more about yourself, Bella. Where did you go to school?"

"UW, I have a bachelor's in literature. I'm hoping to go back in a year or so for my Master's and maybe continue on to a Phd."

"What do you want to do with it?" Emmett asked through a mouthful. He was already on his second piece of cake.

"Where are your manners? I raised you better than that." Esme chided.

I watched my dad shake with quiet laughter. Emmett had been like this since he was a child, and he had never grown out of it. I knew Rosalie had given up two weeks into their engagement. If she hadn't been able to correct the behavior by then she knew no matter how hard she tried in their marriage, he would never stop being a big kid. I considered that a wise move on her part.

"Did you have a good time?" I asked Bella as we sat out on the back deck a little while later.

"Yes. Thank you for not bringing up anything with my family."

"I promised, didn't I?"

"Yes," Bella smiled. She sipped her wine and cuddled up closer to me on the chair we were sharing.

Suddenly the back door opened and Alice stood there with a huge smile on her face. Oh no, here we go. I knew it was coming, but did it have to be now?

"So, Bella, I have a question for you, and you can say no. But I was just talking to mom about it, and Jasper is all for it, too. If you don't want to do it, you don't have to, but I though it was just such a great idea-"

"Spit it out, Alice!" I shouted over her, stopping her mid-sentence. This was a prime example of Alice Cullen on any given day.

"Manners," She chastised me with her index finger. She always loved to be the mother even though she was the youngest. But she turned back to Bella with a grin and said, "Would you like to be a part of my wedding?" I could tell Alice was just bursting with excitement to hear Bella say yes.

"Uh, well…I'm not sure. I mean, if you would like me to, I suppose…"

"Is that a yes?" Alice was now teetering on her toes and I was afraid she would fall over.

"I…" Bella glanced at me for a moment, but I just nodded. "Yes, Alice. I would love to, thank you."

"Yeah! Great, oh this is going to be so great." She wrapped Bella up in a huge hug. I knew she had never received so much affection from non family members before, and I knew it must have been uncomfortable for her, but she was doing such a great job.

"You handled that well. I'm impressed. Most other girls just shrug Alice off. I know she appreciates that from the bottom of her heart."

"I like your sister, she's really sweet, but I think she needs to cut back on the caffeine a little."

I snorted a laugh into my wine glass and took a huge sip finishing it off.

Later in the evening, after we had left my parents' house and driven back into the city, we lay together in my bed post-coital just staring at each other in the dark. I had the curtains so the late lights of the city provided a little illumination.

"Tonight wasn't too much was it?" I asked as I stroked her naked side.

"No, it was nice. Maybe a little overwhelming with all of the hugging, but it was nice."

"I'm sorry about that."

Bella shook her head. "Don't be. I'll get used to it. My family was never big on displays of emotion, or hugging."

"Ah, is that where you get this tough exterior from?"

Bella punched my shoulder in play. "I'm not that tough am I?"

I took her chin in my hand and kissed her fully on the lips. "No, not at all."

Bella sighed and shifted closer, moving on to her back, which was an invitation to start the next round of lovemaking. I grabbed a condom from the nightstand and quickly rolled it on.

As we moved together Bella kept her arms locked around my neck. She whispered words of love into my ear, slipping in dirty words here and there. I was shocked to hear them from her. This was a side of Bella I hadn't experienced yet, and I had to admit it turned me on. She was trying to open herself up to me a little more.

"You have nothing to prove to me." I whispered as I moved above her.

"I'm not trying to." She whispered back. She lay there for a moment in silence, her fingers tugging at my hair. She nipped my earlobe and shuddered. "Harder,"

I obliged willingly, pushing myself up onto my forearms and increased the rhythm between us until she fell apart below me. Hearing my name tumble from her lips in ecstasy brought about my own release, sending over the edge with her.

I could feel the emotion rising up in me from chest, and the words lingered right on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to say them, I just didn't think I was ready.

_I love you_

I spoke them in my mind over and over, as we came down from our mutual high, hoping maybe if I thought them loud enough Bella would hear and I wouldn't have to say them aloud.

But I didn't say them that night. I vowed to soon.

_Soon_.

**A/N: Polyvore update for this chapter. Leave a review and tell me what you think. I will try and post weekly, but it will be different days depending on homework and when I have the time to sit and write. **

**Thanks so much for reading!**


	4. Revelations

**A/N: Thank you all for the wonderful response to this story! It's been up for over a year now, but I have finally gotten around to focusing on it. I will try my very best to post once a week, it may be once every 10 days or so. I don't know how this is going to work out since the semester just started a week and a half ago and already I'm overwhelmed. I already have my first German exam this upcoming week. (I'm a little nervous, my sentence structure is really poor, and so is my grammar. I guess I know what I need to study this weekend.)**

**Thank you all again for the reviews and favorites and alerts that have been coming in ;) **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, just the crazy ideas inside my head.**

**BPOV**

Over the next few weeks, Edward and I managed to spend as much time together as we could. Fall was here and that meant the holidays were approaching. Everyone who worked was now doing it double time to get ready for Christmas. And that included Edward. He stayed late most nights at his office, to get extra paperwork caught up so he would be free to spend weekends with me.

I know his dad was always telling him to go home at the end of the day when every other sane-minded person was leaving, but Edward, determined to prove himself, stayed until almost eight on some nights. He would call me when he was leaving his office to say good night and would grumble for five minutes or so about his dad and how he didn't understand that if we, and he meant his father's company, didn't stay on top of this things this time of the year then everything would just get out of control.

His parents invited us over for dinner again a few weeks after I had first, finally, met them. When we arrived the first thing Alice did was launch into a whole conversation about her wedding and what my bridesmaid's dress was going to look like. I still couldn't believe she had asked me to be a part of her wedding. I had never been in one before, ever, and I didn't know what was expected of me.

"You don't have to worry about anything." Alice reassured me when I expressed my concern. "You're biggest responsibility as a bridesmaid is to be there on time the day of the wedding."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, and to have a really good time and tell me I look beautiful even when I'm trashed."

Edward actually spit some of the beer he had been drinking as I collapsed into giggles beside him.

Wedding talk continued over into the dining room, where tonight Esme had prepared a classic Italian dinner for everyone. I was pleased since I had been craving some good home cooking for a while now. Everything was delicious, of course, and it made me think of cooking for Edward some time like this, if he actually came over to my apartment.

Because we didn't live that close it was difficult for us to figure out whose place to go some nights. When we went out we usually ended up back at Edward's since it was located more centrally than mine to the places we frequented together.

In the month and a half we had known each other we had stayed at my place maybe five times. I didn't mind, Edward's was bigger any way, and his bed was so much more comfortable.

"So, how are things progressing for you two?" Esme asked over dessert. Homemade tiramisu, I was in heaven.

I took a huge spoonful of my dessert to avoid answering the question, leaving it to Edward.

"Good," he answered through a mouthful.

"Do you have any plans for the holidays, Bella?" Esme asked me.

"No, uh…" this was a touchy subject for me. Holidays were meant to be spent with family. And I didn't have any left. I felt Edward's hand take my own where it lay in my lap and squeeze gently.

"Edward, be a gentleman and invite her to spend them with us." Esme pointed out. I looked up suddenly from my plate.

"Oh, no, I couldn't possibly intrude. It's family time." I started to say, but Edward squeezed my hand again.

"Don't be silly, dear." Esme smiled at me, "You're family now. It would be a pleasure to have you. But only if you don't have plans with your own family already. I wouldn't want to take you away from them."

"You wouldn't be." I muttered quietly. I put my spoon down having suddenly lost my appetite.

"Wonderful, I make the dinner list for next week tonight then and be sure to get a large enough turkey. Bella, would you like to help cook on Thursday?"

I perked up a little at the invitation and accepted. I knew that meant I would have to be out here early, but then Esme invited Edward and I stay the night on Wednesday like Alice and Jasper were doing.

After dinner we all headed into the living room with coffee. Alice was still going on and on about her wedding with Esme, but I lingered closer to Rosalie and Emmett. They had been whispering with each other at the table all night and I craved the quiet that seemed to surround them.

Carlisle was also sticking close to the newly wedded couple, obviously more interested in their conversation than wedding details. I could tell he was leaving the updates on that to his wife, and it made me smile. Edward took a seat next to me on the couch and stretched his arm out behind my shoulder. I leaned my head back and sighed.

There had been a lot for me to take in tonight, and it had been tough in spots, but I got through it.

"So, how's the "trying" going?" Carlisle asked Emmett and Rosalie once we were all seated.

I felt my brows knit together in confusion at the tone of his voice when he said "trying". But it hit me when I saw the way Emmett and Rose were holding hands and the small smiles they were sharing. They were trying to get pregnant. And my lifted mood immediately went south.

"It's going." Rose answered quietly. "I didn't want to say anything to Esme at dinner, she was in such a good mood. I know last month when we thought I was pregnant got her so excited, but then it turned out to be a false positive."

"We've been to her doctor a couple times, and she told us it may take a few months,"

"About six," Rosalie interjected.

"Yeah, about six months since she's just coming off her birth control."

"Well, you both know there's no rush." Carlisle told them reassuringly.

"We know," Rosalie sighed, and then looked at Emmett with such a heartwarming smile, "But we're…just ready to be parents. We're ready now. We want babies."

I felt my heart clench, and I know I my posture must have stiffened since Edward was now rubbing my back in those soothing circles he used when he tried to get me to relax. "You ok?" He whispered.

"Fine," I whispered back, "Just tired."

"What are we all whispering about over here?" Alice asked as she, Jasper and Esme walked over to join the conversation.

"Babies," Emmett answered honestly. "Dad was asking how it's going."

"And how is it going?" Esme asked, clearly interested. She sat beside her husband on the loveseat, placing her hand in his lap. He took it lacing their fingers together.

"It's going," Emmett and Rosalie replied together with the same smile they had been wearing all night. A careful, not too divulging smile.

"Jasper knows I want two girls, right Jas?" Alice teased, laughing when she saw the stricken expression on his face. I was sure Jasper was envisioning what it would be like with not just one but three Alices in his life. The thought terrified even me and I had only known her for a few weeks.

"Edward, you mentioned once that you wanted kids, right?" Alice asked, turning to her older brother now. She glanced at me with bright eyes. "He's always wanted a big family of his own, even if he won't admit it now."

I did my best to smile, but it was difficult.

"Alice, I really don't think this an appropriate conversation. We haven't known each other long enough."

Alice placed her hand over her mouth. "You're right. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be nosy."

"It's ok." I muttered. "Um, excuse me. I'll be right back." I got up and made my way over to the bathroom in the hallway.

I needed a moment, or three. Or maybe just five minutes. I didn't know how long I had actually been standing there with my back to the door when I heard the soft knock from the other side.

"Bella, are you ok?"

"Fine," I lied. I breathed in and out a couple times. I turned the sink on to make it sound like I was doing something. Then I coughed a couple times.

"Are you sure you're ok? Do you want to go home?"

I cracked the door and did my best to appear flushed. "Maybe, I think the wine from dinner is getting to me." Good, my voice was a little rough from the coughing.

"We can go if you don't feel well. Come on," He reached for me through the open door. I let Edward wrap his arm around my shoulders and steer me back out into the hallway. "I'm going to take Bella home, we're both a little tired."

"Maybe you wouldn't be if you didn't work such long hours, son." Carlisle glanced up at him from the chess table he was staring at. I knew he liked to play with Edward before we left. But I honestly felt close to losing it. I needed to be alone.

"Sorry. I'll try this week to leave on time." Edward apologized politely.

"Then maybe you and Bella can spend more time together as well." Alice interjected. She got a sharp stare from her brother and looked away, chastised. But I could see the hint of a smile playing at the corner of her lips. She wasn't offended by Edward's attitude.

"We'll see you guys Wednesday." Edward said in goodbye. Esme got up and hugged me and gave her son a kiss and a pat on the cheek. "I love you, too, mom." He muttered, almost embarrassed to say it. But I thought it was sweet.

During the drive back Edward reached across the console and took my hand running his thumb across the back of it. "Are you going to tell me what's really wrong, or am I going to have to continue to sit here worrying?"

I glanced up at him quickly. I had no idea I had been worrying him. I looked down at my lap again, playing with the hem of my dress with my free hand. "I don't know if I can tell you." I finally uttered in a barely audible whisper.

"Try,"

"I…can it wait till we get back?"

Edward took a moment and looked sideways at me before turning his eyes back to the road. "Yeah, of course." He drew my hand up to his mouth and kissed it before setting it back down on the console.

But he didn't let go.

And I was glad.

I needed the physical contact between us right because it was the only thing truly grounding me. And I didn't know if this would be the last time I actually got to touch him. He may not want to stay with me after what I have to tell him.

We were silent for the rest of the drive back into the city, while he parked his car in the underground garage. We didn't say anything to each other on the elevator ride up. I couldn't even bring myself to look at him. I felt so ashamed for not saying this at an earlier time. But it…it's so hard to even think about.

Edward tossed his keys on the small side table in his entry hallway, shrugged out of jacket and draped it over one of the chairs at the breakfast bar in his kitchen. He then turned and faced me where I still stood in the doorway between the hall and his living room.

"Come on," He took my hand and led me over to the couch where we sat down. I took a couple breaths. And then a couple more. I was grateful he was giving me the time to collect myself. What I had to say may actually break his heart.

But I had to say it.

"I can't have children." I whispered.

For a few moments Edward just sat there staring at me. His eyes bored into mine, his face expressionless. But then it started to change. I noticed his lips turn downwards, his eyes lose a little of their shine.

"Ever?" He whispered.

I shrugged. "Why can't you have children?"

"I have PCOS. Poly-cystic-ovary-syndrome. And it's severe. When I went for my last ultrasound a couple months ago I told my doctor that I had just started seeing this really great guy and what my chances of conception were. And she told me according to my ultrasound that they were slim to none. And if by a miracle I did become pregnant I would run a very high risk of miscarriage within the first trimester, if I even make it to three months. I'm so sorry, Edward."

A few moments of silence pass before he finally shifts in his seat. But instead of getting up and leaving, he leans in taking my face between his hands and kisses me tenderly. It was the complete opposite of what I had been expecting and it caught me completely off guard.

When we parted he pressed his forehead against mine. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. It's not something I like to talk about, let alone think about."

"It's ok, Bella. Is that what was bothering you tonight? All that talk between Emmett and Rosalie?"

"Yes, and your sister's comment about you wanting a big family of your own someday." My voice started to crack at the end of my sentence. "That really hurt me when I thought about it, because I can't give you what you want." I started to cry now and felt the hot, wet tears slide down my cheeks into my lap.

"Baby, don't cry. It's ok. Please, don't cry, Bella." Edward wiped my tears away and kissed my forehead again. "Alice shouldn't have said that in the first place. Our relationship isn't her place to poke her nose. But she's always been like that. She doesn't have much of a filter. I'll talk to her."

I grabbed his hands. "Please don't say anything to her about me. Please, don't even say anything to your mom."

"Of course, Bella. I wouldn't even think of it."

I sat there for crying quietly, inching closer and closer into Edward's arms until I was half lying down with my head on his shoulder. "You're not upset?" I asked.

For a minute Edward said nothing, and I knew he was thinking over the answer in his head. That meant he was upset in some way and he wanted to explain it to me without hurting me. I appreciated it, but I wished he would just say something already.

"It's good to know, Bella." He started, "And yes it's a disappointment because I do want children of my own, and I assume you do as well or you wouldn't be so upset about this." I nodded my 'yes' to his statement about my wanting children. "But in all honesty, Bella…It's not the end of the world. And if down the road a few years we're still together and we decide we want children we can adopt."

I sat up a little straighter. "You think we'll be together a few years from now?"

"I would certainly hope so. Bella," He turned so we were facing each other completely. "Yes, it hurts to know that we may never children of our own, but it's ok. All I ever wanted since I first met you was to just be with you. As long as I have you I'll always be satisfied."

"Do you really mean that, or are you just trying to make me feel better?" I knew it was a harsh question to ask, especially of Edward after what he had just said, but I had been with a few men at this point in my life who would say wonderful things like that just to what they wanted out of me for one night.

But I couldn't judge Edward like that. He was not that kind of guy. And if I didn't know that after almost two months with him then maybe I didn't really deserve him after all.

"Of course I mean it, Bella." He took my face in his hands again. "You're the most important thing in my life now." He stared at me in the dim light of his apartment, his green eyes growing dark with the intensity of his gaze. He brushed a little bit of my hair behind my ear.

"I love you, Bella."

I think I actually gasped.

But I didn't have time to think about it further since as soon as Edward spoke, his lips were on mine again and he was pulling me up from the couch. He gathered me in his arms, carrying me to his room where he laid me down on his bed, his mouth still against mine.

When he finally pulled back we were both panting. He smoothed some hair behind my ear again, his hand lingering on my jaw, cupping my face. "I love you," He whispered again. "I've been telling myself for weeks to just say it. And honestly tonight…I just couldn't hold it in any longer."

"Is it because of what I said?" I asked cautiously, feeling my teeth nip at my bottom lip.

"No, it's because I honestly wanted to say it, Bella. I love you," He grinned and kissed me. "And now I can't stop saying it."

"That's a good thing." I whispered. Then, before I could stop the words coming out of my mouth, "I love you, too, Edward."

I had never seen his eyes so bright. Even in the dimness of the room I could tell they were shining. I felt his hand slide to the back of my head and pull me forward for another kiss.

I awoke in the morning to the sound of someone stirring beside me. Edward grumbled lightly in his sleep. My eyes opened slowly to the light in the room. It was darker than I had been expecting and I realized he must have gotten up some time in the night to shut the curtains. They fluttered with the light breeze from outside.

"Morning,"

I rolled over to see Edward's smile and couldn't help the smile I gave him in return.

"Morning," I loved waking up next to him. His hair was always tussled in that sexy way, and his eyes were squinty as he shook off the last vestiges of sleep. It was an adorable sight. Sometimes I even woke before he did, and that was better. Getting to watch him sleep was like a Christmas gift.

"I love you," He spoke quietly in the stillness of the room around us.

"Love you, too." I answered back. I met him halfway as he leaned in toward me and we shared a lazy good morning kiss.

"Want some breakfast?" He asked when we parted.

"I would love some, I'm starving."

We got up and I threw on the light robe he had gotten for me when I began staying the night often. Edward pulled on his boxers and a t-shirt. Standard morning wear for him.

I watched him get started on the eggs as I made coffee and toast. He had the most infectious grin on his face this morning and I knew it was because of our admissions last night.

Suddenly I felt him behind me. He took my shoulders in his hands and leaned over to kiss my cheek as I buttered another piece of toast. "Are you sure its ok we didn't use protection last night?"

The question came out of nowhere, but I knew he would he would bring it up eventually today. Edward was meticulous about safety, especially during sex. After everything I had told him last night I let him know that if he didn't want to use a condom it was ok with me. I was on birth control, but not as a contraceptive. My doctor recommended it as a way to try and "quiet" my ovaries so not as many cysts were produced. It worked to an extent but still, every month I was in pain, and that was what the prescription painkillers were for.

"It's fine, Edward. My period just ended anyway, so…"

"It's ok," He whispered, his tone soft and understanding. Like he knew what I was about to say. He kissed the top of my head and rubbed my shoulders. "Hey, don't cry." He turned me as I started to sniff and wiped away the tears that had begun to fall.

"I'm so sorry, Edward." I whispered into his chest.

"Don't be, please. Really, I'm not upset. It's ok, Bella."

"But I can't give you everything that you want."

He tipped my chin up so I was gazing directly up into his eyes. "_You're_ everything that I want."

I sniffed again and buried my face back in his chest. I felt his hands on my back, rubbing those large, soothing circles. "Come on, lets finish breakfast." He suggested once I stopped crying.

I nodded and turned back to the counter. He moved beside me at the stove and flipped each omelet. They smelled so delicious that for the remainder of breakfast my heartache was relieved.

We laughed and joked as we ate. We fed other bites of food and sips of orange juice. Since it was a Saturday Edward had nowhere to be and my shift wasn't scheduled until the evening. We lounged on the couch all afternoon watching movies and eating junk food for lunch. It was the most relaxing day I had had in a long time. And it was only made better by the fact that Edward knew I couldn't have children with him, and he was still here right beside me.

If there had been any doubt in my mind about his reaction, it was now forever banished. And I couldn't be more thankful.

**A/N: I have a friend with PCOS, and so I am basing this off of information she has given me, as well as some research I have done on my own. **

**Thank you all for reading and please leave a review!**

**RT**


	5. Holidays

**A/N: Thank you for all of the reviews everyone! Please keep them coming, they are my fanfic world chocolate. And I can't live without chocolate. **

**Disclaimer: I own my very first professional blazer that I just bought the other day for the career fair. I'm so nervous, someone please talk me off this ledge I'm out on. Oh wait, I'll just write some fanfiction! I do not own Twilight. **

**EPOV**

I appreciated that my mother had offered for Bella to join us for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but I knew it was going to be hard for her. This wasn't going to be her first year spending both holidays without her parents, but it was going to be her first as a part of a family structure.

We drove out to my parents' house Wednesday evening for a light family dinner. It was just me, Bella and Alice. Although she was living with Jasper in the city, she had elected to come over tonight instead of tomorrow morning. Jasper was working late and would arrive early in the morning.

It was nice to have just my sister here. We could talk and catch up on our lives without all of her wedding plans in the way. But of course they came up eventually. After only five minutes I could Bella's head was spinning with the colors and ideas, and patterns, and what not that Alice was throwing at her and asking her opinion about.

"Honestly, I think you need to get rid of the red. It's a spring wedding, right?" Bella asked. She pointed to one of the designs Alice had in her scrapbook. It was a cream background with pale yellow flowers and a green border. "What about these colors? Or even these? I would go with soft hues and lace."

"Oh my God, you're a genius!" Alice shrieked. She jumped and grabbed Bella around the neck. "Oh, this is going to be so beautiful, thank you."

"No problem," Bella smiled, obviously overwhelmed by my sister.

"I think it's time for a drink." I muttered in her ear as I got to walk over to the bar. I heard my dad chuckle from across the room as he set up the chessboard.

"Bella, do you play?" He asked, indicating the pieces as he set them out.

"Not well," Bella admitted. "Thank you," She took the glass of brandy I offered her and sipped it.

"Would you like to learn?" Carlisle offered.

"Sure," Bella got up slowly and walked over to sit with my father at the chessboard. I took the seat next to her.

"Don't be whispering anything in her ear." My dad pointed an accusing finger at me.

I held my hands up in a surrendering gesture and sipped my drink.

"He always plays two pawns first and then a knight." I whispered loudly to Bella. She erupted into giggles as I received a disapproving glare from my father.

Bella did fairly well against my father. Ok, no she didn't. He slaughtered her. And I felt bad because I sat there doing my best to help her with the more difficult move decisions. I was rusty.

"You seem like you need the practice more than I do." Bella teased a little while later as we were getting ready to sleep. I didn't think my mother would actually be comfortable with her staying in my old room with me. So it shocked me when she actually suggested it.

I threw her a dirty look in the mirror and squirted some toothpaste onto my brush. "Don't make me hurt you." I muttered through a mouthful of minty foam.

"Oh yeah," Bella hopped up onto the counter and sat with her arms pin straight at her sides clutching the edge. "And what would you do to me?" She challenged.

I rinsed my mouth out and placed my toothbrush back in its holder. I then moved in front of her, placing my hands beside hers on the counter, effectively trapping her there where she sat. "You really want to know?" I asked, stroking the underside of her chin with my thumb.

"Please, indulge me." She whispered, challenging me further.

I tipped her face up, pulling her to me as I leaned in. My hand slipped to cup the back of her head as our mouths met in a passionate union. Bella scooted herself closer to the edge of the counter so her body was flush with mine. Her legs wrapped around my hips, tightening so as to cause wonderful pressure below my waist.

Her hands clutched at my sides, pulling at the t-shirt I had put on for the night. I let her go momentarily and lifted my arms so she could pull it off. As soon as it was over my head I noticed she had chosen one of her more see-through nightgowns this evening.

"I almost don't want to take this off of you." I muttered, fingering the short hem of her lacy garment.

"Then don't."

"Hm," I wrapped my arms around her and suddenly scooped her up making Bella squeal in surprise. I shushed her with another passionate kiss as I carried her off to my bed.

"You don't think we were too loud last night, do you?" Bella asked me the following morning as we lay there in the dim light of pre-dawn.

I had just woken up myself and that was the last concern on my mind. I mumbled something and rolled over so I was facing her. "Well, I kept trying to shut you up, but you were just so persistent in letting the household know what I was doing to you." I did my best to keep a serious face.

Bella's expression was one of priceless appall. I wished I had my phone out so I could take a quick picture, but unfortunately it was in the pocket of my pants there were currently somewhere on the bathroom floor.

"I'm joking." I muttered, after a full minute had passed and I felt I had left Bella hanging long enough.

"Bastard," She rolled over onto her back crossing her arms over her chest above the sheet.

"Come on, you though it was funny."

"I thought you were serious."

"I could never embarrass you like that."

"Sure you could."

"Yeah, you're right. I could." I grinned at her and Bella just rolled her eyes. I rolled over to check the time then groaned as I sat up, reluctant to the leave the bed. I felt Bella move beside me and scoot up behind me wrapping her arms around my middle. She leaned her head into my back and sighed.

"I don't want to get up."

"Me either, but we have to. Time to cook, and my dad and I have to go outside and start getting the yard picked up."

"What do you mean?"

"Rake the leaves, put the furniture away, and chop wood for the fireplace. Manly things."

"Oh, things us little women wouldn't be capable of handling then?"

"I didn't say that."

"I know," Bella kissed the top of my head as she moved away. "My turn to tease."

This was going to be a long day.

After breakfast I met my dad outside. Emmett was already pulling tools out of the shed to be used for the various tasks we had to complete by early afternoon. Jasper had yet to arrive, and I wondered for a moment where he was. Well, if he was avoiding Alice temporarily because of all the wedding talk I really didn't blame him. But we could use the help.

"Sleep well?" Emmett asked with a teasing grin.

"Fuck you," I muttered under my breath.

"Edward, language." My dad chastised.

"How old am I now?" I challenged back, throwing on the sweater I had brought outside with me.

"Old enough to know better. No swearing, especially around your mother. She'll blame me for teaching it to you."

"Oh this is about saving your hide?"

I got smacked upside the head for smart retort. I deserved it and I knew it. Emmett got smacked as well for laughing at me.

"Ha ha asshole."

"Boys,"

"Sorry," Emmett and I muttered in response, sharing a smirk between us. We returned to raking leaves.

I watched Bella all morning through the windows. She moved between the kitchen and the dining room, helping to clean, set up, and cook everything my mother had planned for this evening. I could she was totally in her element, but I rarely saw a smile on her face.

It hurt to know that today was sad for her and I wished I could go inside and hold her, tell her everything was ok. After the conversation we had had a couple weeks ago Bella had become a little bit distant at times. Every time the topic of family was brought up, or anything pertaining to the future, she grew quiet, withdrawn. I chalked it to her still feeling down about being witness to Emmett and Rose's conversation about kids, and how Alice had loudly announced how many I wanted. But I had told her time and again in the preceding weeks that it didn't matter to me. I had her and that was enough. And if two or three years down the road we were still together, and I pray that we are, and we want kids we could always adopt.

I knew that wasn't enough for Bella, I knew she wanted to conceive and have kids of her own. She was so afraid of the potential medical concerns that it halted all consideration for prenatal treatment. But I had to point out the word in her sentence. _Potential_. That it meant there was the possibility it wouldn't happen.

Bella didn't see it that way. I don't know if she ever would. It was a huge wall and someday we were going to have to tear it down or one of us would have to climb over. I want it torn down, rubble at my feet. I don't think Bella truly knows what it is she wants. That was another hurdle we were going to have to overcome together.

_All in time_, my mother would say. Patience. I had it. I most definitely had it. For anything pertaining to Bella. But she had to have faith. In me. In herself. Above all us.

I looked up again from the huge pile of leaves we had accumulating on the tarp. Bella was setting up the table. She placed the silver service around each plate and then went back to the hutch for crystal glasses. I saw my mom explaining the different placement of each glass. She always dressed the table fancy at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter.

Bella looked up from the first setting she had finished and caught my eye. I smiled at waved to her. She waved back, a hint of a smile gracing the corners of her lips. Hearing my dad call my name asking for help was the only thing keeping me from going inside and wrapping her up in my arms.

By lunch time we had all the leaves raked up and piled on the tarp. Emmett and I pulled it together to the middle of the backyard where it was open. We would burn the leaves down later tonight. They were nice and dry from having sat in the autumn sun for a few days after falling.

"I'll put the rakes away and get the axes out for after lunch. You two go in and get something to eat. I'll be right there." Dad called from the shed.

Emmett and I play punched each other all the way to the back door, chuckling and snorting as we shared wise ass comments.

"Shoes!" my mom yelled at us just as we were about to step inside. Grumbling, Emmett and I both unlaced our work boots and left them outside on the deck.

"Hey, baby." He greeted Rosalie where she stood at the stove stirring what looked like soup. Yes, something warm and hearty. I was starving.

"Hey, you. Ew, you're all sweaty." Bella backed away from me as I tried to kiss her.

"You've never complained about that before." I whispered to her.

"Well, that's because you were sweating for a different reason."

"Can't I give you a kiss? You look like you need one."

Bella reached up looping her arms around my neck and let me plant a soft, sweet kiss on her lips. "Having fun outside?" She asked, turning back to whatever it was she was stirring at the counter. "I saw you and Emmett taking kidney shots at each other. "

"That's because Emmett is an idiot."

"And you're a jackass." Emmett shot back.

"Boys, language."

"Sorry, mom."

I felt Bella vibrate against me with silent laughter.

Jasper finally arrived just after lunch. Alice was in a tizzy because she needed his opinion on something. Thankfully it wasn't wedding related, and he soon joined us outside to help split wood. We worked together chopping up the small logs from the trees that had come down during the summer while Emmett and my dad put all of the summer furniture away in the shed.

"What took you so long to get here?" I asked as I set up a small piece of wood to chop. I lifted the axe and swung it down, easily splitting the wood in two.

"I went to go see my parents this morning and have breakfast with them. Alice knew." Jasper swung his own axe down splitting his piece of wood with a resounding 'thwack'.

"Oh, I thought you were just avoiding her. Not that I would blame you." I swung my axe and split another piece of wood.

"I'm pleading the fifth on that one." Jasper answered as he swung his axe.

"Good idea."

We stood side by side swinging and chopping until my dad called over telling us we had done enough. We gathered up all of the wood and piled it by the back door, leaving what was left by the shed for now.

"I have to say watching you swing that axe…" Bella started as I walked in the house, sans work boots. I only remembered because my mother was waiting at the back door this time with a scowl on her face as she watched the four of us approach, sweaty and tired from our yard work excursions.

"Yeah, did you enjoy the view?"

"Oh, immensely."

I grinned at her, narrowing my eyes a little. "Don't look at me like that. You know what it does to me." She gave me a playful shove toward the stairs. My cue to go upstairs and shower. I must smell bad.

It was still early in the afternoon when I came back downstairs, feeling very refreshed and clean after all of the work done outside this morning. Bella was sitting in the living room with Alice and Rosalie, all of the major cooking and prep work done. My mom had put out some nibbles for everyone to enjoy. The Parade in New York was on the TV over the fireplace, but no one was watching.

Taking advantage of that fact, Emmett grabbed the remote and switched on a football game. That was definitely better background noise. He called out in protest as he watched, swearing under his breath. Rosalie just shook her head at him from where she sat beside him and went back to her conversation with Alice.

The Book of Hell, as I had heard Jasper call Alice's wedding book, was open on the coffee table and all three girls were pouring over it. Seriously, how much planning does a wedding need?

"How long is it going to take you to nail down specifics?" I asked, dropping into an armchair with a beer in my hand.

"Probably not until after New Years'." Alice answered without looking up. She was serious. She flipped a couple pages, and then went back. "Do you like this color for spring?" She asked, holding the book up.

Her finger was pointing to a navy blue swatch of material.

"For spring?" I asked again.

"Yes, as an accent color?"

"Don't you think you're asking the wrong guy?"

Alice sighed and put the book down. "I can't find him. Sometimes I think he doesn't even want to be bothered."

"Maybe you're overwhelming him." I offered gently.

"Maybe you're right." Alice sighed. Bella glanced up at me with a shine in her eyes. She agreed with me. Maybe she had talked to Jasper earlier and knew what was up.

"You should go talk to him about this." Bella placed her hand on Alice's shoulder in a comforting gesture. "Maybe a big wedding isn't something he's comfortable with."

"Yeah, you're right. Both of you." Alice looked from Bella to me, then to Rosalie. Rose nodded in agreement and tipped her head back toward the kitchen, indicating where she had last seen Jasper. He was her step-brother after all.

"Do you remember when they first met?" She asked me once Alice had gone off to her fiancé.

"Yes, I remember. I don't know why you had to introduce them in the first place."

"Well, it was back when Emmett and I were first starting out, and Esme invited my whole family over for dinner."

"Oh yes, what a fun evening that turned out to be." Emmett deadpanned, his eyes glued to the flatscreen. "What the fuck was that?" He shouted, getting to his feet and throwing his hands up in exasperation. "Defense, guys! Come on!"

"I will never understand men and the draw they feel to football. Give me a hockey game any day." Rosalie commented under her breath. Bella sipped her wine and held up her hand for a high five, which Rose returned with an enthusiastic smile.

So Bella likes hockey. Good to know. I'll have to find out her team.

"I hope my mom didn't you make uncomfortable at all." I said as I sat down next to Bella. Rosalie had vacated to go help with the final preparation in the kitchen.

"No, not at all. She let me do my own thing all morning. It was really nice. I enjoy her company. We talked about you a lot."

"Oh shit," I muttered and sipped the last of my beer.

"Nothing bad, don't worry."

"Knowing my mom, I don't think I believe that."

"I promise," Bella smiled sweetly at me, her tone just as saccharine.

"Not that you would actually tell me what she said, right?"

"Perhaps," Bella scooted closer to me on the couch laying her head on my shoulder. "I can definitely say that all of that cooking is exhausting."

"I'm sure my mother's personality, and Alice's for that matter, had nothing to do with it."

"Alice, just being Alice, is exhausting. I already know that."

I chuckled out loud. "Try growing up with her."

Bella snorted and finished the rest of her wine. "I can only imagine," she patted my shoulder in a comforting gesture, which I knew was meant to be sarcastic.

"Are you being snarky with me?"

"Maybe,"

I was going to have to come up with a way of getting back at her for lack of support. "I feel genuinely hurt by your cynicism." I placed my hand over my heart to emphasize the point.

Bella peaked her eyebrow and eyed me skeptically, "Now who's being sarcastic?"

Our playful banter didn't stop at dinner. We traded glances back and forth as we ate, my left hand resting on Bella's knee throughout the meal. I squeezed gently every couple of minutes, satisfied when I felt her shudder.

"So, now that we're sitting, eating, and drinking, now would be a good time to discuss where we want to go this year for Christmas and New Years." Carlisle announced, glancing at Emmett who was on his third beer of the evening. We all knew so long as Emmett was distracted by the food in front of him he would agree to whatever the rest of the family decided.

"I think somewhere warm." Alice voiced.

"We did that last year." I said, glancing down the table at her.

"And the year before that." Emmett added through a mouthful.

"We haven't been skiing in a while. How about we use the time-share in Aspen?" Esme offered next.

"I've never been skiing." Bella admitted shyly. She picked up her glass of Zinfandel and sipped it slowly. "I've heard its scary, though."

"Only your first few times as you get used to the movement." I explained to her.

"Will I fall down?"

"More than likely."

Bella scoffed at me and feigned being hurt. I knew how clumsy she was.

"So skiing?" Carlisle asked, glancing around at everyone. Emmett gave a thumbs up. Rosalie nodded, a dreamy smile on her face. I'm sure she was imagining getting away to the quiet of the mountains instead of spending the holidays somewhere noisy.

Alice clapped her hands together excitedly and reached over to take Jasper's hand. I could from the relaxed look on his face that they had spoken about the wedding as Bella had suggested.

"Aspen it is, then. Good idea, dear." My dad smiled at my mom. I hoped in thirty years Bella and I were still able to smile at each other like that.

"When do you usually leave to go away?" She asked after dinner as we were helping to clean off all the dishes.

"The week before Christmas. We usually stay away for a couple weeks through New Years. Last year Emmett and Rose didn't go with us. They went on their own."

"How long have they been married now?" Bella glanced around the corner back into the dining room. Emmett and Rose were still sitting at the table talking with their heads close together.

"Almost eight months now, I think. Maybe nine."

"And they want kids already?"

"Rose's dad is really sick. They don't know how much longer he may be around. They've been trying to get pregnant since August."

"That's so sad. I'm so sorry for her."

"I think the stress of everything going on in her family is holding her body back. But I'm not a doctor, so I don't know."

"Well, that sounds like a logical opinion."

"It's actually what her OB/GYN told her the last time they went in for a visit."

Bella looked a little surprised. "Oh, is she trying treatments?"

"Not yet. I think if they haven't conceived by Christmas that's their next move together."

"I think it's really sweet how hard their trying."

"I know it must be tough for you." I put my hands on her shoulders and squeezed gently. "All the talk about it."

"I'm ok." Bella smiled at me reassuringly.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, promise."

I leaned down and kissed the top of her head. I returned to the dishes still left in the sink, but I turned over my shoulder and caught Bella watching my brother and sister-in-law as they spoke in hushed voices.

There was no disguising the sad, longing expression on her face.

**A/N: This took a little longer than usual to get out. I've been super busy, but here it is! Please review!**

**RT**


	6. Happiness and Defeat

**A/N: Hi, I'm back! *****Ducks and hides for cover***** Sorry for the intermission, RL has been a #%$ *&%! #$%&* lately, so…with that vented…thank you for all of the reviews and the favorites and alerts and everything else that flooded my inbox ;)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I have a new found addiction to Goldfish though. Every flavor but sour cream & onion and pizza. The pizza one is gross. My favorites are vanilla cupcake and cookies & cream. What's yours? **

**BPOV**

Aspen came up faster than I could count the days following Thanksgiving. Edward and I decided for him to pick me up at my apartment since I was scheduled to work late and he was leaving work early to catch up on some rest. He had been working ten-hour days for the last couple weeks to make up for the two weeks he would be away. I was sure his father wasn't putting as much effort into the job, but Edward was a perfectionist, and an exceptionally hard worker. I loved those qualities about him. I didn't have any trouble getting off work since the store had just brought in extra help for the holidays. I was surprised since I had asked for these two weeks off at the busiest time and I was giving my manager a little less than a month's notice. I wasn't particularly crazy about my job, but it paid the bills, and I hoped they weren't considering firing me.

I was exhausted when I finally got home after midnight and collapsed into bed right away without packing. So when my phone went off at 5 a.m. I nearly fell off my bed at the intrusion.

"Did I wake you?" Edward's voice asked. I could hear the smile. Damn him for being awake and chipper.

"Sort of," I mumbled into the phone, getting my bearings.

"Sorry, but its time to wake up. I'm outside, can you let me in?"

I grumbled a complaint into the phone and ended the call, but not before I heard Edward chuckle. I threw my robe over my shoulder and put my slippers on. My phone pinged in my hand with a text message. I glanced down to see who it was just as I had my hand on the doorknob.

_You might want to wear a coat ;) – E_

I groaned. I wouldn't be so frustrated if I had gotten enough sleep.

"Good morning," Edward smiled as I let him into the building. "Coffee?" He offered me a travel mug.

"Thank you," I leaned up to kiss him in greeting. "And good morning,"

"Have you packed?"

"Not yet," I sipped my coffee, sighing in gratitude, as we stepped into the elevator. "Can you help me? I've never been to Aspen before."

Edward glanced at his watch. "We'll have to do it fast, we have to be at the airport to meet my family in less than an hour."

I groaned some more.

"Why don't you pick out what you want to wear for a couple weeks, I suggest winter clothing, and I'll pack it while you have a shower and get yourself ready?"

"Sounds good," I sighed. I drank some more coffee and began pulling clothes and other warm necessities out. Edward uncovered my one, medium-sized suitcase and began neatly folding my clothes for me as I tossed them on the bed.

"My extra coat and my boots are all in the closet. Pick the ones you like." I called as I locked myself in the bathroom. I took the fastest shower of my life, grateful that the water was hot. I dried off and stuck my head out of the door. I had forgotten to bring clothes in with me.

But Edward wasn't in my bedroom anymore. I could hear him moving around in the kitchen, opening and closing cabinets and the fridge. Probably looking for a snack. Smart thinking.

He had been kind enough to leave some clothes on the bed for me to change into. Jeans, a sweater, my only pair of UGGS, and one of my coats. I felt toasty and comfortable after I dressed, pulling my hair back into a loose bun. I grabbed a hat, gloves and a scarf from my collection and went out to meet him in the kitchen.

"Breakfast," He handed me an English muffin with bacon, egg, and cheese on it.

"Did you just make this?" I asked, taking a bite.

"Yes, and one for me as well. Now we need to go." He hustled me out the front door, amidst some laughter from me. I carried my garbage down and he carried my suitcase.

"Are you warm enough?" He asked as he loaded it into the trunk of his Audi next to his own suitcase.

"Very, thank you for picking out my traveling outfit."

"No problem," Edward leaned in and kissed my forehead. "Love you. We're going to have so much fun."

"I hope so,"

Our flight was scheduled to depart at 8:30. We sat down with Edward's family in the first class lounge promptly at 7. Edward was a stickler about being early. Not that I minded, it gave me a chance to sleep. Although I didn't.

There was complementary coffee and a massage if you so desired. Rosalie and Alice took advantage of it while I opted for Edward to rub my feet where they laid in his lap. I passed most of the time talking with Esme about Aspen and learning all of the hot spots a first-timer, like myself, should go to.

Alice was excited to do some shopping, and wanted to visit the bridal store to see if anything caught her eye. I was looking forward to some shopping as well, but with Edward, and maybe Esme. Alice scared me a little when I saw how animated she became just from describing the different boutiques.

"I'll protect you, don't worry." Edward whispered in my ear. He draped his arm over my shoulders, encouraging me to lay my head on his shoulder. Which I did, but I still didn't sleep. I caught Esme smiling infectiously at us. Or was it just at Edward? I knew she was overjoyed to see him in a working relationship, and to be enjoying himself. I couldn't believe I had found him, and after everything I had told him, that he still wanted to be with me.

I had been thinking a lot about my confession in the last month, and with everything I knew going on with Emmett and Rosalie, it was hard for me to be happy around them. I was happy for them, but even that was forced. It was difficult to watch someone else try for something you know you'll never have.

I glanced up a few seats at them. Rose was cuddled against her husband, smiling up at him with a new shine in her eyes. I'm sure she was so happy to get away for a few weeks from the stress of life and just spend some time with Emmett. I could tell they were whispering, watching their lips move, but I couldn't make out what they were saying.

It must have been something good, since she smiled brightly and leaned up to kiss Emmett. I had never seen her smile so much before. It made Emmett happy, from the way he was gazing at her. They must have been so relieved for this vacation to come up finally.

I managed to shut my eyes on the one-hour flight. Edward wrapped a blanket around me, and kept his arm over my shoulders in case I nodded off into his side. I woke up just before we landed, shaking my head a little to clear the cobwebs. I had had the weirdest dream. It was happy, but I felt sad at the same time. It was all emotions, I don't remember many images, but all of Edward's family was there and we were celebrating something.

"You ok?" Edward asked as we disembarked.

"Yeah, still tired."

"You can take a nap when we get to the cabin if you want."

"Yeah, I might."

It was still morning by the time we arrived at the cabin the Cullens time-shared. Alice was anxious to unpack and go for a walk with Jasper, which Esme and Carlisle joined in on, leaving me, Edward, Emmett, and Rosalie at the house.

Rose had the same idea I did, and we both went upstairs to lay down while Edward and Emmett lounged in the living room watching one of the various sports channel. I felt so much better a couple hours later after a proper rest, and ready to go out and have fun. Alice, Jasper, and Edward's parents were back from their walk. Esme was busy making lunch in the kitchen.

"Better?" Edward asked as I came downstairs.

"Much, that was a good idea."

"My mom's making lunch, after that you want to go out and do something?"

"Lets go shopping!" Alice exclaimed excitedly.

"I'm up for some shopping." Rosalie looked up from the magazine she had been reading, "There's a store I want to look at in town."

So twenty minutes later, after Alice had changed into something more "shopping appropriate", we arrived in the shopping center of the town. I was dragged into no less than four boutiques and made to try on at least six or seven different outfits. Alice, I could tell loved this part. She put together the most interesting combinations I had ever seen, but they worked.

No wonder she had majored in fashion.

I wound up only buying a new sweater dress so I had something nice to wear out to dinner should we go. Edward tried to convince to buy something a little sexier, but I stood my grounded asking him where the hell I would wear it to.

He responded by picking out a nightgown that was too short to be considered a gown and promptly bought it for me. As we were walking I noticed Emmett and Rosalie coming out of the store across the square. It was a baby store that sold clothes and accessories and other little things. I felt a pang of jealousy and a stab in my chest as I watched Rose go through her large bag of purchases with a huge smile on her face.

It intrigued me as to why she would be buying anything now, but then I guess it never hurt to be buy early. Just in case.

Then it struck me.

Maybe she was pregnant.

At once I felt glad, if that was case, but also heartbroken. I knew it would mean the world to them to have a child, a joy that I knew I would someday personally long for, but never experience.

"Hey, you ok?" Edward's voice asked. I jumped, not having heard him come up behind me.

"Yeah, fine. You startled me."

"Sorry. Ready to head back? Mom wants to get started on dinner."

"Sure,"

"I can't believe tomorrow is Christmas Eve already." Edward commented later as we were getting ready for bed.

"Yeah, the end of the year comes up so fast." I muttered as I brushed my hair, staring at my reflection in the mirror, but not really seeing myself.

Edward came up behind me placing his hands on my shoulders. "I know this is hard for you, but I think this vacation will be good for you, too.

"It is, so far."

"We've only been here one day. We have ten more to go."

I smiled shyly at his reflection. I could make it through another ten days. I enjoyed being around his family. It was just my mind running away with itself that usually put a damper on my mood.

"Come to bed," Edward whispered encouragingly, kissing the top of my head.

I stood at the mirror in the bathroom for another minute staring at myself. Yes, I could do this.

Christmas Eve was spent indoors as a family, watching seasonal programs on TV, cooking, and decorating the tree. Emmett, Jasper, and Edward had gone early in the morning to pick one up. Surprisingly there had been a place open with a few left. At first it had been decided that a tree wasn't necessary, but Alice had insisted, and then she was backed by Rosalie, who was backed by Emmett. Which was how he ended up as part of the "Tree Retrieval Party".

"This was always my favorite part of Christmas growing up." I told Edward as I hung a ball-shaped ornament on a branch.

"It isn't anymore?" He asked, his tone cautious.

"Not as much," I answered honestly.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, and I felt his hand slip into mine squeezing gently.

We traded a glance and a smile and went back to hanging decorations. I more than appreciated the gesture. It meant the world to me for Edward to understand and at the same time not feel the need to be overprotective. He was letting me decide on my own how much I could take.

After dinner everyone gathered in the living room in front of the fireplace so we would all exchange one gift with someone. Apparently it was tradition in Edward's family. My parents had never done this with me growing up, mostly I assumed because I was an only and I could wait until the morning to open my gifts.

Not surprisingly, everyone chose their significant other to exchange with. Edward handed me a small box inside which lay a delicate, oval-shaped locket with a flower pattern on the front. I hadn't decided on something nearly as fancy, but rather a Christmas tie, knowing how much he hated them. On the front was an image of the Space Needle decked out in Christmas lights. Edward laughed heartily when he opened it and promised to wear it when the first opportunity presented itself.

After everyone exchanged gifts Esme and Rosalie brought out hot chocolate and we all stayed up until midnight to wish each other a merry Christmas. I had to admit, corny as it all seemed to me, it was a very nice way to spend the holiday together as a family.

"Merry Christmas," Edward whispered as I curled into his side in bed.

"Merry Christmas," I whispered back.

"I'm glad you're with me. I love you,"

"I love you, too."

"Wake up…"

I groaned and rolled over. It couldn't possibly be morning. Wait, Christmas morning. I rolled back to face Edward. He smiled brilliantly at me in the early sunlight.

"Merry Christmas, again," and he chuckled.

"Merry Christmas, again." I leaned in and kissed him. "Can we please stay in bed, It's so nice and warm."

"We can for now, but my mother will expect everyone downstairs for cinnamon rolls, or pancakes, or French toast. Whichever she chooses to make."

"Is it always one of those three?"

"No, but they're mine, Alice's, and Emmett's favorite breakfast. In that order."

"So that was what she always on the breakfast table for your birthday I'm guessing."

"Yup, birthdays were a given. And then we traded off each holiday."

"My mom always made this breakfast casserole at Christmas and Easter. Eggs, cheese, sausage, peppers, onions, and mushrooms. I grew to look forward to it."

"That sounds ridiculously good. Maybe my mom can make it for New Years' day. Would that be ok?"

"Sure," I shrugged.

After that we laid in silence just staring at each other. I didn't want to move. I would lay in bed watching Edward watch me for the rest of my life if I could. I know that sounds creepy, but there is no describing the love I see in his eyes when he looks at me. It makes the rest of the world melt away, even if only for a little while.

"Everyone get up!"

Edward and I looked at the door at the same time. Alice was shouting as she walked down the hallway, knocking on each doorway.

I looked back to Edward with a slight grimace as we heard Emmett shout back at her. "Was she always like this?"

Edward simply grinned, "Always,"

Breakfast wound up being a combination of French toast and Cinnamon rolls. Alice pouted when she realized pancakes weren't on the table, but Jasper managed to turn it upside down by tickling her.

It was the first time I had ever seen them so publicly affectionate. Well, as public as amongst family can get.

We ate breakfast in the living room while everyone opened presents. I had decided to spoil Edward a little and bought him an iPad. I knew he had been salivating over them since the second generation came out. I couldn't resist treating him.

"I actually had no clue what to get you." Edward said as he, blushing, handed me a thin, red envelope. "Well, I did," He whispered in my ear, "but I thought it wouldn't be appropriate for you to open in front of my family."

I felt a blush creep into my own cheeks as I took the envelope and opened it. Inside was a gift certificate to a weekend spa for two. "So this is as much for you as it is for me?" I teased.

Edward shrugged, "I though we could get away and some time next month and have a weekend to ourselves."

He had a point. His job could get really stressful at times. And there were weeks where we went without seeing each other entirely. The only correspondence we had was text message. And sometimes that wasn't enough. There were days where I needed Edward like I needed air. And I knew he felt the same.

Yes, a weekend away would be nice. Just the two of us. The outside world completely forgotten for forty-eight hours. I sighed just thinking about it.

"I guess that sounds good then?" Edward asked, snapping me out of my daydream. I was lying on a lounge with a glass of wine in my hand, Edward lying next to me as we listened to the soft sounds of a waterfall somewhere in the room.

"Yes, very good." I sighed.

"Is that everyone?" Esme asked as she checked underneath the tree.

"No, we have one more." Emmett announced. "And its for everyone."

Rose smiled shyly from she sat next to him. She took a breath before turning to face everyone, her smile even brighter.

"We're pregnant."

The room turned into a flurry of motion around me. Even Edward got up to congratulate them. But I remained rooted where I sat. I can't say I had feared this for the last couple of days, but I had had my suspicions.

Now I felt like the floor was bottoming out underneath. I looked up to see Edward wrapping his older up in a huge hug. He was obviously overjoyed for him. I felt a piercing stab in my heart knowing there was a very good chance that I would never be able to bring him that kind of joy.

He glanced over at me and I looked to the stairs, silently asking his permission to excuse myself. He nodded and I got up, making my quietly to the room we shared. I left the bedroom door unlocked, but shut myself in the bathroom.

I stood at the sink staring at my self in the mirror. My face looked ashen, my eyes shiny with tears. I must look so rude to Edward's family right now. I should just pack up and go back to Seattle for the rest of the holiday. This had always been a family tradition for them and I was an intrusion.

"Bella?"

I opened the bathroom door to find Edward, not surprisingly, on the other side looking worried.

"You've been up for almost fifteen minutes. I was starting to get concerned. Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. I think…I think I want to go back to Seattle. Alone,"

"What? Why?"

"That was just so rude of me, Edward. I shouldn't have walked out like that without saying something first to Emmett and Rose. I'm sure you're family thinks I'm disrespectful now. I should go." I tried to move around him, but he took my shoulders in his hands and held me still.

"You're not leaving. And my family doesn't think you're rude. Don't hate me for this, but I told my mom what you told me."

"About my condition?"

"Yes. I didn't tell her everything, just the basics about it."

I let out a deep breath I didn't realize I had been holding. "It's fine, Edward."

"Do you think you can come back downstairs?"

"I'd rather be alone right now, if that's ok?" I tried to move past him again, and this time he let me. I lay down on the bed curling up into a ball.

A moment later I felt Edward lay down beside me. He curled up against me, wrapping an arm around my waist. It only took me a few more moments before I caved and rolled over burying my face in his chest as I wept.

**A/N: A sad ending I know, I'm sorry. But everything has a meaning. Reviews are always welcome. **

**Hope you all enjoyed!**


	7. Pressure

**A/N: Thank you everyone for the reviews that I found at the top of my inbox this morning!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. But I have a really bad scarf addiction. ;)**

**EPOV**

Bella did her best to appear cheerful for the remainder of the time we spent in Aspen for New Years'. I knew she was hurting, but she went out and bought Rose and Emmett a newborn baby outfit at the same store in town they had had just visited. I knew this was tough for her, but Bella was strong.

Esme took her aside the day after Christmas and the two sat down for a couple of hours and talked. Just talked. I remained on the periphery, sometimes listening, but always watching. I could tell from her body language when Bella was starting to get uncomfortable and things were upsetting her. But she remained stoic the entire time she was talking with my mom.

I think once the conversation was over Bella felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulder. She had shared her condition with someone other than me, something I was sure she had wanted to do for a while. At least with my mom. And being the caring woman that she was, Esme completely understood Bella's behavior and her reluctance to mention anything at all. It was a hard fact to live with for any woman.

Bella and I spent the following days together, not really participating in the planned family activities. We did things on our own. I taught the beginning steps of skiing. We sat together in the enclosed porch reading. We cuddled by the fire at night. Cheesy as it sounds, it was the best way to get Bella to fall asleep at night and I would carry her upstairs once she was passed out.

But the break from reality could only last so long, and on January third, I found myself back at work. I sat at my desk staring at the picture of Bella and I on of the beginner ski slopes. I had asked Jasper to take it while Alice had been strapping her skis on. She was in the background of the photo, sticking out in her white and pink ski jacket.

Bella's spirits had started to lift the last couple days of the vacation, and her appetite, which had disappeared after Christmas, started to come back. I knew there wasn't much I could say to her in terms of encouragement. But when it came to her health there was a lot I had to say.

As of this morning her mood was light, but not sunny. She had woken up in the middle of the night in a little bit of pain. I was worried and had wanted to take her to the hospital, but she assured me it was normal this time of the month. She usually had a cyst rupture on one side two weeks before her cycle was due to start. And sometimes it was both sides, Bella explained when she couldn't sleep. That was pain was even more intense.

"_Are you doing anything about it?" I had asked as we lay there. Bella winced from the pressure she felt and exhaled a breath.  
_

"_I take birth control, but it only "quiets" my ovaries." _

"_What does that mean?" _

"_It supposed to help prevent multiple cysts from forming on the same ovary at once, but it doesn't. All it really does it keep larger cysts from forming, but that doesn't mean several won't rupture at once." Bella winced again as she finished explaining._

_I felt horrible that she was in pain. Even if she said it was a level of pain she could handle. "Believe, I've had worse." She tried to laugh as another stab shot through her, but I saw the way she grimaced in the dark. _

"_Did your mom have this problem?" I asked. _

_Bella nodded. "I remember it a little growing up. She was pain more often than I've been."_

"_But it didn't develop into anything serious? That's not why she died." _

_Bella shook her head. I knew talking about her parents was tough, having lost them both within five years. "No, she died in a car accident coming home from work one afternoon. I was in my senior of high school, and I was called out of class. It was a Friday before a three-day weekend for an in-service day. We had planned to go camping together that weekend. My dad came and picked me up, and as we drove to the hospital he explained what had happened. I didn't come out of my room for a week." _

"_I'm so sorry, Bella." _

_She sniffed and I saw her raise her hand to her eyes. "Only a month after she died my dad started getting really sick. That's when he was diagnosed with cancer. It was early enough that he could begin effective treatment. That's why I took a couple years off before I started college. I went to a few classes at community college, but I stayed home to take care of him while he was in and out treatment. After eighteen months he made a real improvement and his oncologist made the decision to stop treatment. And my dad was fine…for a year or so. I started college and moved to Seattle. Then in the middle of my junior year he relapsed and went back into the hospital. He made me promise to stay in Seattle and finish my degree no matter what happened. He died two years later, after fighting with everything he had." Bella sniffed again. "It was only a month before I graduated. I knew he would have loved more than anything to see me walk and flip my tassel."_

"_I'm sure he was watching you from wherever he is now, Bella. And cheering for you, too." _

_She laughed quietly in the dark, and I felt her hand slip into mine. "I love you," She whispered. _

"_I love you, too." _

I picked up my phone and dialed Bella's cell number. "Hey you," She answered. I could hear a small smile in her voice.

"Hey, are you feeling any better?"

"A little. There's still some pain, but it's manageable. How's your day going?"

"Boring as hell. I have nothing to do right now."

"I find that very hard to believe. But at the same time I don't. All that prep work you did at the end of the year got you so far ahead now you have nothing to do but sit on your ass and twiddle your thumbs."

I laughed out loud. She had a point. "Do you want to grab some lunch with me?"

"Sure, where would you like to go?"

"The deli, I could murder a corn beef sandwich right now."

"Mmm, that sounds so good."

"Meet you there in fifteen?"

"It's a date."

I hung up and grabbed my jacket from the back of my office door. I left a message for my father that I was going out to lunch and let my assistant know before I headed downstairs in the elevator.

Bella was already on line when I walked into the deli just down the street from my office. She greeted me with a bright smile and leaned up on her toes to meet me for a kiss.

"How's your day been?" I asked as we moved a little in line.

"Not all that interesting. I'm not working today, so I've been writing."

"Working on your book, or just jotting ideas?"

"Both. I haven't been that inspired lately, so I've just been working with what comes into my head. I was thinking of applying to a few publishing in the next month or so. Do you know of any good ones I can start researching?"

I stood there for a moment thinking. I knew my dad had some clients in publishing, but I couldn't think off the top of my head which companies they were. I would have to check when I got back.

I told Bella as much then offered to have my dad put in a good word for her if anything looked promising.

"I would appreciate that. I'll have to thank him personally if it comes to that."

"Not that you would need much help. You're intelligent, hard working, and obviously a good writer."

"You don't know that."

I shrugged, "From the few things you've let me read I think you're a good writer."

Bella blushed and moved forward with the line. "Thank you, Edward," she muttered quietly.

When it was finally our turn I ordered one corn beef sandwich that Bella and I could split and a side of coleslaw for us both. Once our food was ready we grabbed a table in the corner away from the crowd.

"They put a ridiculous amount of meat on this sandwich," Bella observed as she picked up her half and picking off most of the beef.

"That's why I only got one. Are you going to eat all of it?"

"Probably not, I'll take it home to munch on this afternoon."

"So how come you want to leave Barnes and Noble?"

"I've been there almost a year, and I don't think I'm going to get anywhere. It's really just a way to pay the bills, which it does. I'm not going to quit if I can't find an entry level position in a publishing company."

"I think you will." I smiled at her encouragingly, doing my best to keep my mouth closed as I chewed.

"I hope so. I love to write, and I want to be able to share stories with the world, its just coming up with those stories that's the problem sometimes." Bella laughed and nibbled her sandwich a little. I noticed she had barely touched it so far.

"Still not feeling good?" I asked.

Bella shook her head. "No, I still hurt and it makes me feel a little sick."

"Do you want some soup?"

"I can make some back at my apartment."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure, Edward. Thank you, "

"I can take the rest of the day off and spend it with you, you know." I offered, throwing her a look across the table.

"That's a tempting offer, but I don't think I'm really in the mood."

I feigned hurt, "To spend time with me?"

"Oh, is that what you meant?" She teased back.

"All right, smartass, you win." I muttered. Bella giggled from her seat.

I managed to convince Bella by the end of lunch to let me come over the rest of the day. Carlisle didn't mind at all, and actually insisted I take the rest of the day off. Even he agreed that I had been working too hard lately.

After I stopped my apartment to change I headed over to Bella's. She buzzed me up and I took the elevator to the fifth floor. Bella had left her door open for me. She was sitting at her desk by the window typing furiously on her laptop. Soft classical musical played from the iHome in her small entertainment center.

"This is a very cozy environment to write in." I observed.

"You've been here before, remember?"

"Of course, a couple times. I just never really appreciated the space. We're usually in a hurry to get to the bedroom."

Bella snorted a laugh and stopped typing for a moment. "We're not _always_ in a hurry."

"No, you're right," I conceded, sitting down on the couch to watch her. "Sometimes we're _really_ in a hurry."

Bella laughed again, shaking her head at me as she resumed her work.

The following weeks were spent nearly the same as that afternoon. On her days off Bella actively worked on her writing. Her little journal was quickly filling with ideas, however she wasn't able to formulate a story out of any of them. What interested me the most was that she never let me read her journal, but she let me read the ideas she typed up on her computer. Some of it resembled us in a way, and I became curious. I read more. And the more she continued to show me I knew she would find a job with a publishing house. Maybe even some day be offered a position as a returning author. She certainly had the talent.

Overall January turned out to be a busy and productive month for us both, and so we planned the trip to the spa that I had gotten Bella for Christmas for Valentine's Day weekend. It was more than likely going to be busy, but I was sure we could find a way to have alone time.

I stayed over Bella's the last weekend of the month since she had been coming to stay at my place the last few times we had sleepovers. We made tacos and watched a couple movies before finally calling it a night and headed off to bed.

I don't know what woke me in the middle of the night, but I rolled over and felt around for Bella. She had fallen asleep curled up next to me, but now she wasn't there. I sat up and noticed the light coming out from underneath the bathroom door. I could hear some shuffling around.

"Bella," I called her as I got up and walked over to the door. "Bella, are you in there?" I knocked.

"Yeah, I'll be out in a minute." Her voice sounded tight, strained.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah…ow."

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'll be right…ow…out."

"Bella, let me in."

I heard her move and the door clicked. I opened it slowly to see her sitting on the toilet, arms folded around her middle. She rocked back and forth, her face ashen. "Bella, what's wrong?" I asked as I crouched down in front of her.

"It hurts so much. It hasn't been this bad in a while."

I noticed the toilet paper bunched up on the floor. Like she had pulled a ton of it off at once. "Are you bleeding?" I asked, slightly embarrassed at the personal nature of the question.

Bella nodded, her face clenching as pain swept through her. "A lot,"

"I'm taking you to the hospital." I stated, rising to my feet.

"No, Edward, it's fine. It'll pass."

"You're bleeding and you're cycle ended last week."

"It's ok, it's normal."

"It's not normal, Bella." I helped her up and walked her slowly out into the bedroom. I pulled a pair of sweatpants out for her to wear and a jacket. I got dressed quickly and helped Bella finish getting ready. She didn't protest further as we went down to my car. I suspected she was in too much to put up a fight.

The drive to the hospital was completely silent save for Bella's intermittent whimpers. I reached over and took her hand trying to think of something to say. But what did one say in this situation?

Bella was emitted right away due to her condition and the fact that she was bleeding. When the nurse asked her if she was pregnant Bella's answered her, "Unfortunately no. I have ovarian cysts."

Because I wasn't family I had to wait outside the ER until a nurse came to get me. I glanced up at the clock eventually and noticed it was almost seven in the morning. Sunday.

I don't know how long Bella had been in the ER for, but I was getting impatient. What frustrated me more was that I couldn't get any information on what was going on. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and headed outside.

"Good morning, Edward, this is a surprise." Esme greeted me warmly. I knew she would be up which was why I called her and not my dad.

"Hi, mom."

"Dear, what's wrong? You sound…worried."

"I'm at the hospital with Bella. She woke up early this morning with severe pain ad bleeding."

"Oh, honey, I hope she's all right."

"I do, too, but I can't get any information on her right now."

"You're just going to have to be patient, Edward. I'm sure if something bad had happened they would have come and told you."

"No news is good news, right?"

"Right. Was there another reason you called?" my mom asked me softly. She always knew when I needed to talk. And right now was one of those times.

"I've been thinking a lot about Bella and me…and kids. And the fact that I may never have children of my own with her."

I heard Esme sigh on the other end of the line. "Bella said it would be extremely difficult for her, but not impossible. There's a good chance you two may have children."

"I know...I just…I had this plan for my life. Get married, have a couple kids…"

"You can still do that, Edward. There is absolutely nothing stopping you."

"I don't know if I can do this, mom."

"Honey, I think you're getting ahead of yourself, like usual."

I let out a breath and started pacing. My hand grasped the hair at the back of my neck. "Would it upset you terribly if one day, if Bella and I are still together, we decided to adopt?"

"Oh, Edward, honey…Nothing would make me prouder than knowing you two would be giving a child a second chance. It takes two very strong, loving people to adopt a child as their own and raise that child with love despite that he or she is not flesh of our their flesh. And I think you and Bella can do that."

"I just…I always wanted kids of my own. When I met Bella I started to allow the idea of settling down with someone, specifically her, into my head and I began to look forward to seeing her pregnant with my baby. But then she told me…She told me it was very possible that she could never have kids of her own."

"Edward, you have to a little more faith. 'Very possible she can't' does not mean 'impossible'."

I sighed deeply. "You're right, mom. I know that."

"I think you should go back inside and see how Bella is doing. I think you should talk to her about this. If children is something you want, and you want it with her then you have to tell her. And I am more than willing to bet that she is willing to fight for them because it's obvious how much she loves you."

"And I love her. But if we try for years and years and she just can't. And what if by some miracle she does get pregnant, and miscarries? I don't want to put her through all of that. It's painful enough now what she's going through. I could never ask her to put that much time into something that may never happen and get her hopes up."

"It wouldn't be just her hopes you would be getting up, Edward. It would be yours, too. Remember, if you decide to do something together, you do it _together_. Two halves make a whole, dear."

She was right. My mom was always right.

"I think you go back inside, Edward."

"Yeah. Thanks for listening to me. I needed this."

"I understand, and remember I'm always here if you need to talk some more. But remember to talk to Bella as well. She's the one you're in a relationship with."

"I will, mom. Thanks, love you."

"I love you, too, dear."

I hung up and slipped my phone back into my pocket. I had never had such a personal, emotional conversation with my mom like that before. Let alone about something like the situation I'm currently finding myself in.

I headed back inside and asked at the desk about Isabella Swan, but the nurse didn't have any information. "Let me ask and I'll get right back to you, all right?"

"Yes," I muttered, and sat down in a chair to wait. What could be taking so long?

"Are you waiting for Isabella Swan?"

I looked up to see a young female doctor walking out of the ER.

"Yes, I'm her boyfriend. Is she all right?"

"I'm Doctor Lambert," I shook her hand. "Bella is fine. The bleeding has slowed, but it hasn't stopped yet. We took her up for a CT scan, and there's a lot of fluid around her right ovary from the recent rupture, and two cysts on her left that looked ready to rupture. She'll be in pain for another day, but it won't be as severe."

"Can I see her?"

"Of course."

I got up and followed Dr. Lambert into the ER, past the nurse station, and over to a bay of beds with the curtains drawn around each individual tiny room. Bella was sitting up in the bed watching the news on the TV mounted on the wall. She had an IV stuck in the back of her hand and a pulse clamp on the tip of her left index finger.

"Hey," I greeted her and walked over to kiss her forehead.

"Hey,"

"How are you feeling, Bella? Have the painkillers kicked in yet?" Dr. Lambert asked.

"Not yet, but the pain isn't as bad."

"That's good. I would like to a cancer screening, just in case. Have you been through one before?"

To my surprise Bella nodded her head. "A couple of years ago when I first started having cysts. My dad was diagnosed a little over four years and fought it for three years before giving up. He didn't have the strength to fight it."

"I'm so sorry about that. I watched my own father go through rounds of chemo-radiation for five years before he gave up his own fight. I know how hard that is."

Bella nodded and brushed the corner of her eye with her thumb. "When did you start having cysts exactly, Bella? If you can remember."

"About three years ago, when my dad finished treatment the first time. Because he had been diagnosed so recently his doctor highly recommended I get a screening done just to be safe. It came back negative."

"That's good. I'd like to do one now. It will only take about twenty minutes or so, it's another scan, and there's some blood work to be done as well. Also, I would like to keep you until your bleeding stops, just for observation."

"I understand."

I stood there listening to the back and forth between Bella and Dr. Lambert. I felt my heart freeze when she recommended a cancer screening for Bella. I knew it was just to be safe, but what if the results came back positive, and she would have to be treated?

I didn't know if I had to strength for that.

"Hey, come back, Edward." I heard Bella say to me, and her hand slipped into mine.

"Sorry,"

"It's ok. Don't look so worried. I have screenings done every year at my annual exam. I just went at the beginning of December, and it was negative. This is just a precaution, Edward."

"I know, but what if it's positive?"

"Then we take it one step at a time."

I sat down in the chair next to her bed. "You're used to this, aren't you?"

"Unfortunately I'm very used to this."

"And I'm so sorry for that, Bella."

"Don't be. It's just how I was made."

Dr. Lambert appeared again and announced the room upstairs was ready. I walked next to Bella's gurney as she was toward the elevator. I held her hand on the ride up and all the way down the hallway. While she was in the room I stood with my back to the wall, hands buried in my pockets silently praying for her good health.

Once we were back downstairs I could tell the painkillers were finally starting to take effect. Bella was nodding off every few seconds, but fighting to stay awake to hear her results.

"It's ok if you want to sleep." I told her. "You haven't slept well in weeks."

"I'll be fine," She uttered, her voice turning to a whisper.

"Bella, I have your results." Dr. Lambert walked into the tiny room and shut the curtain for privacy. "Everything is negative. You can breathe, Edward." She smiled at me. "I still want to keep you here for another couple of hours or so. How are you feeling?"

"Good," Bella nodded, fighting off the effect of the drugs for another moment.

"Good. You can rest now, and if you wake up and would like something to eat just let one of the nurses know."

"Will do,"

As soon as Dr. Lambert left I sat down taking Bella's hand. I leaned in to give her a kiss but she had passed out. Her chest rose and fell gently as she slept. I fixed the pillow behind her head so she had a little more support, and kissed her temple.

"I love you, Bella. No matter what happens we'll be in this together. I promise."

**A/N: Be proud of me. I started this last night and finished it this afternoon. Damn I'm good! **


	8. Getaway

**A/N: Thank you all for the explosion in my inbox over the last couple of weeks or so. I am located in an area that was affected by Hurricane Sandy, so the last week has been hectic getting the house back together and catching up on lost days at college. Thankfully our immediate area was not affected severely by the storm, but only ten minutes away from where we live there are people who no longer have a home. So if you know someone affected by Sandy just reach out a hand and let them know you are there for them. My best friend was evacuated from her neighborhood and still doesn't have power. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. But I'm writing this in class. No it's not boring, I just have a lot of ideas bouncing around in my head that need to be jotted down.**

**BPOV**

I sat in the small reception area of the publishing firm I had applied to a little less than three weeks ago. I was shocked when I had received a phone call asking for me to come in for an interview. I didn't think any of the local houses had been looking, at least that was what I had found out in my research.

I called Alice for a little fashion advice. I hadn't been to a professional interview of this nature before and I wanted to dress the part. We went out shopping and I picked a new gray shift dress with a pencil skirt. I love my pencil skirts. Alice gave me a pair of black pumps that matched the patent leather skinny belt on the dress.

And so now here I sat, waiting, my ankles crossed and my hands folded in my lap. Could feel my heart pounding in my chest. Of all the firms I had applied and sent my resume to this one here was the one I wanted most to become a part of.

My phone beeped in my purse and I tried to resist looking at it. But curiosity got the better of me, since the tone had been for texts from Edward alone.

_Good luck, baby, you'll do great! I'll be waiting for you at my place when you're done – E_

I smiled. He always knows exactly how to pep talk me without saying too much. I turned the volume off and slipped my phone back into my purse. My foot started to twitch in anticipation as I sat there another five minutes. It was never good to keep glancing at the clock.

"Isabella," I looked up to see who had called my name. A woman about my height with shoulder-length strawberry blonde hair stood in the doorway to a meeting room with a file in her hand. "Hi, I'm Tanya." She held out a pretty hand.

I got up and walked over to shake it, introducing myself. "Hi, Bella Swan. You're the junior editor who called?"

"Yes, I'll be conducting your interview. You understand this is for an entry position as an assistant?"

"Yes, I'm aware."

"Excellent, let's get started."

I let out a short breath and followed Tanya into the meeting room.

"Edward," I called out into the dark apartment. He had told me he would be waiting here when I was done with my interview. I had sent him an email as soon as I finished, and he replied telling me to let myself in when I arrived.

But so far he didn't look to be around. I turned the corner from the entry hallway and was met with the soft glow of dozens of candles and a trail of red rose petals. I laughed softly to myself and set my purse down and coat down. I followed the trail through the apartment to his bedroom.

More candles were lit along the way, some on the floor, and some on the counters. But the majority of them were spread around the bedroom. Rose petals were scattered over the bed, which was made, and where Edward sat. What confused me, though, was where the trail ended.

Two black suitcases stood at the foot of the bed, petals scattered around them. I could think of only one question. "You went through all this trouble to show me luggage?" I asked, laughing.

Edward chuckled as well and rose from where he sat. He withdrew from his back pocket a white envelope. "Remember this?" He asked, and took out from inside the envelope the certificate he had given me at Christmas.

"Yes," I smiled. "When are we going?"

"Right now, this weekend." He walked over to where I still stood in the doorway and pulled a long-stem red rose out from inside his jacket. "Happy Valentine's Day." He whispered.

I took the rose with a small smile. "What's wrong?" He asked, noticing my diminished excitement.

"I feel like a jerk. I completely forgot."

"Don't worry about. I know how busy you've been with your interviews this week. I thought this would be a welcome break to the end of them."

"It is, yes, thank you." I smelled the rose then reached up and hugged him, kissing his cheek.

"Oh, that's not a good sign."

"I'm saving my energy."

"Really, for what?"

"You'll see."

The spa was about two hours away by car, located in a wooded area of northern Washington, far from the reaches of the city. I had been surprised that Edward had clothes packed for me when I arrived at the apartment, and wondered where he had gotten them. But then as we stood in the doorway it occurred to me that I had been spending an obscene amount of time at his place, so of course my clothes would have piled up in his laundry basket.

We arrived around dinnertime, checked in at the main desk, and went to get settled in our room. I loved that everything was on site, making it easy for us to take full advantage of the next forty-eight hours together.

After unpacking, and a shared shower that took longer than normal, for which I was very happy, we went in search of the small restaurant. Everything on the menu was very light and health conscious. I ordered a fresh green salad with salmon while Edward indulged in a lightly sauced pasts salad with grilled chicken.

If this was how the next two days were going to be laid out for us, I never wanted to leave.

"This is wonderful," I whispered later as we lay in bed after our second round of lovemaking since our arrival. We both lay on our stomachs facing each other, arms wrapped around a pillow.

"I'm glad you're enjoying it. I made appointments for tomorrow for us both."

"For what?"

"Massages. After lunch. But the rest of the weekend is free for you to do what you want. There's a sauna I thought we could try together, and there's an assortment of treatments you can try." He reached out and stroked my cheek, "Although I don't think you really need any of them."

"You're very sweet. Honestly, I would just like to spend as much time with you as I can. I feel like we've hardly seen each other the last couple of weeks."

"Well, there's plenty of time, Bella."

"Good," I sighed and cuddled up tighter with my pillow.

"So how did your interview go today?"

"Really well. I think they may actually higher me."

"Which firm was this for?"

"Seattle Publishing House."

Edward smiled in the faint light. "You'll get it."

"Do you have this level in confidence in everything you do?"

"Not everything. But everything I do with you, yes."

We lay there in silence for a couple minutes just staring at each other. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, but an opportunity to simply bask in the presence of each other. "I was actually beginning to think about this and was going to bring it up soon, but then you surprised me with it."

"Surprise," Edward smiled.

"Yes, it was. A very nice one. I feel sometimes like we're both too busy to get together and see each other. We live in opposite directions and if I get this position our places of work will be even further apart."

"Well, there is a remedy to this. And it's something I've wanted to talk about with you for a few weeks now. Actually, ever since Christmas."

I felt my brows draw together in confusion. "What?"

"Do you want to move in with me?"

"What?" I asked again, not quite sure I had heard him correctly.

"Move in with me. We'll see each other everyday. Fall asleep together each night and wake together each morning."

Honestly, I wanted nothing more. But I didn't want to rush in to things with Edward. We had waited to have sex the first time for this reason. But by the third date there was no denying how we felt about each other. But this, moving in with him, sharing personal space on a daily, maybe even permanent basis, was something completely different.

I drew my bottom lip between my teeth as I thought his proposition over. "You don't think we would be moving too fast?"

"We've known each other how long now…six months almost? I love you, you love me. I want your face to be the last thing I see every night, and the first thing I wake up to in the morning."

"Edward…" I sighed and reached out to cup his jaw. "You really do know how to force a woman's hand don't you?"

"Am I forcing it?" He challenged teasingly.

"A little," I admitted quietly, feeling my trademark blush creep into my cheeks.

"Well, lets sleep on it and discuss it more tomorrow. Or you can think about it this weekend, I won't bring it up again, and we can talk about when we get back into the city."

"Let me sleep on it and see how I feel in the morning. We can go from there."

"Fair enough," He leaned in and pressed a sweet kiss to my lips. What I was sure was meant to be a chaste 'good night' quickly turned heated, and I threw my leg across his hip, rolling him over onto his back to start round three.

I woke up to sunlight filtering through the long curtains covering the one window in the room. I knew the view looked out into one of the main courtyards and the forest beyond, so we had made sure the curtains were drawn tight last night even though we were on the second floor.

Edward was already up and sitting by the window. He was dressed in sleep pants and a t-shirt. I cracked my eyes to find him relaxed and watching me. I smiled sleepily and rolled onto my back stretching my arms over my head as I groaned.

"Do you know how tempting you look right now?" He asked from where he sat.

"About as tempting as you look right now." I challenged back. I relaxed onto my side propping one underneath my pillow. "Good morning,"

Edward got up and walked over to the side of the bed. He dipped his head and kissed me. "Good morning, love." He whispered against my lips. "Are you hungry?"

I nodded.

"Good, because I ordered breakfast already. So get up, lets get today started."

"What's the rush?" I asked as I sat up, keeping the sheet wrapped around my chest.

"It's almost ten already sleepyhead." Edward laughed.

"What?" I glanced at the clock. He was right. Holy shit. I never sleep this late. I groaned inwardly. But it's so nice…

I flopped back down, determined to enjoy at least five more minutes of this comfortable, fluffy, warm heaven. "What did you order?" I asked as I sat back up again.

"Just fruit and yogurt. Nothing heavy."

"Mmm, sounds delish. What's the plan for today other than our massage?" I couldn't wait for that.

"I thought we could take it easy until then, take a look around the spa and see what else they offer. If there's anything you would like to try. Then have our massage, and then maybe I thought if you're not too tired after that, go for a walk?"

Edward handed me my robe from where it lay draped over the end of the bed. I swung my legs over the side and wrapped it around me making sure the belt was tight before I stood up. I didn't want it accidently falling open when our food arrived.

"Sounds like a great day."

After breakfast I took Edward up on his offer to explore a little. We stopped by the salon and I made an appointment to get a mani and pedi, and a wax treatment tomorrow afternoon. I wasn't surprised when Edward made an appointment at the same time, but his was to just get his hair cut. I would be much longer.

"That's what books are for." He commented as we walked out, his hand slipping into mine.

"Oh, you don't actually want to spend time with me." I pressed my hand over my heart feigning hurt.

"What are you planning on having waxed tomorrow?" He asked.

I blushed. Well…

"See. I don't think I need to be present for that. Despite that I think it's really hot."

"Oh stop," I shoved his shoulder playfully.

"How sensitive are you after something like that?"

"Not as sensitive as you think. It's sore for a couple hours usually, but it fades pretty quick. And I have to keep myself moisturized afterward."

"I can't wait."

"Perv,"

We returned to our room a little while later after walking around the facility. We ventured through the outdoor garden and stopped by the waterfall to sit and simply listen. It was among the most peaceful memories I would bring back with me.

I opted not to eat lunch until after the massage, not knowing how tired I would feel when the therapist was done. Edward and I were ready and waiting, sitting on the couch in our robes. When our two female therapists arrived they gave us a moment of privacy to disrobe and get under the blanket on our respective tables.

I let my arms rest by my side and looked over at Edward. He smiled back and shut his eyes as he relaxed. I had to admit I wasn't particularly keen on him having a female therapist, but then again I'm sure he would have felt the same way had I gotten a male therapist.

After the massage I felt completely rejuvenated, but not so much hungry. We were told to drink plenty of water for the rest of the day and take an aspirin if we felt any pain. I know I was going to, I had a nasty knot between my shoulder blades where all of my stress settled, and Maia, my therapist had been gentle as she attempted to knead it out, but to no avail.

Edward and I opted for a shower afterward to wash off all of the oil we had been rubbed down with and then took another walk. We ended up at the juice bar and elected for a liquid lunch of fruit smoothies and a shared fruit bowl.

Since tomorrow was going to be our last night here we wanted to save all of our energy for making it memorable. I slept in the next morning, but woke up to see Edward sitting on the bed, dressed in a t-shirt and sleep shorts, watching me with rapt fascination.

"That's kind of creepy, you know." I pointed out as I sat up. He handed me my robe to put on over my pajamas.

"I know, but I couldn't resist. You're so lovely when you're asleep."

I melted. It was amazing the effect he could have on me in that vulnerable of just having woken up. I leaned in and kissed him, reaching a hand out to delve into his hair and hold his mouth against mine. I pulled him down on top of me, craving the weight of his body against my own. Edward supported himself on his elbows, but pressed his hips into mine making his obvious morning arousal push against me in the most delicious way.

I kissed him passionately, desperately wanting to divest myself of my clothes. Every time I attempted to pull off my nightgown he brushed my hands away and held them above my head until I stopped fighting. I don't know how long we kissed for, but I was breathless and panting when he finally pulled away.

"I think breakfast is in order now." He whispered.

"How can you be thinking of food after that?"

"Because it will distract me enough from the other things I want to do to you right away." He grinned wickedly and placed a final chaste kiss on my lips.

I was so looking forward to tonight.

**A/N: Alas I must leave it there. I apologize but future chapters will make up for it! **


	9. Hope

**A/N: Thank you everyone for the review! They made me smile when I was stressing over my book review rewrite. (I better get an A this time. Grr….)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Please don't kill me for my lag in updates. RL at college sucks when you're a senior history major. I think we're the only major on campus that has to write an undergraduate thesis paper in order to graduate. I am SO not going to grad school right away (I can't afford it regardless…)**

**BPOV**

After we got back from our weekend trip to the spa, all of the joy and weightlessness I had felt over the two days slowly began to disappear. I thought I had a handle on my emotions where it concerned my health issues and my potential inability to give Edward children, but I was wrong. February turned into March, and the more time I spent with Edward and his family the more I watched as Rosalie changed with the little life growing inside her. She wasn't showing yet, but she was most certainly glowing. Emmett devoted his full attention to her every moment. She never wanted for his affection as far as I could tell. They were the two happiest people on the planet.

Alice and Jasper were the next two happiest people on the planet. Their wedding day was fast approaching and Alice was a tornado in designer heels as she wrapped up her final plans and preparations with Jasper. I was "summoned", shall we say, to a dress fitting one afternoon in the middle of March. Despite that Alice was keeping me included in everything, and that she had actually asked to be a part of her wedding, I still felt like an outsider to her family. I knew very well that they didn't view me as such. But when you don't have a family of your own and another is doing all they can to make you feel like you belong, deep down you know they'll never replace what you lost.

This was the mindset I found myself drowning in as I sat inside the bridal parlor waiting for Alice and the rest of her party to arrive. I was early only because Tanya had let me go early today. I was overjoyed when she called me the week after Edward and I returned, offering me the position of her assistant. It wasn't a glamorous position, but it was a foot in the door with a publishing company that I admired and hoped to one day be a permanent part of.

"Bella," Alice shrieked my name happily as she came bursting through the door. Rosalie, her matron of honor, behind her with the other two bridesmaids. This was the first time I was meeting them. "This is Kate and Charlotte, my two best friends from high school and college."

"Hi, I'm Bella."

"She's Edward's girlfriend, although I think he's going to make you more than that soon." Alice winked at me and for a moment I had no idea what she was talking about. But then Rosalie pinched her upper arm and cleared her throat in a not so discreet way of telling Alice to shut it.

Oh! Oh, crap.

Oh no. I didn't know if I was ready for this. We barely knew each other, we hadn't been going out for very long at all. I hardly knew his family. Oh my God, I can't do this.

"Bella, you ok?" Rosalie reached out and touched my arm pulling me from my mental panic attack.

"Yeah, fine." I lied as I felt a wave of dark emotions wash over me. Oh no. What if Edward asked me soon, like this month, or this week. I had half a mind to say no. I wasn't ready. And I knew that would break his heart.

"Ok, well lets move on to less stressful topics." Rosalie announced. Alice clapped her hands like a little fangirl, even bouncing on her toes, and marched us all across the shop to the curtained-off area at the back where we were expected.

"How was the fitting?" Edward asked later that night as he walked in the front door of my small apartment. "Hi, Smee." He greeted my cat, who simply swished his tail in response and stalked off somewhere. "He still doesn't like me."

"He will eventually." I sighed, still staring at my computer screen. I was trying to finish out the last few paragraphs of a chapter I had been pouring over for weeks, but my brain just refused to cough up the creativity. "The fitting was fine. We all have to go back in three weeks for the final fit. I can't believe their weeding is four weeks away."

"I know, I can't either. My little sister is getting married."

I tried to smile but I just didn't have it in me. After the emotional panic attack I had earlier today my body and mind just felt completely drained. I really wanted to relax with Edward for the evening with no more wedding talk whatsoever.

"Bad day?" Edward asked. I glanced up at him. I had zoned out momentarily and forgot he was there.

I nodded slowly, "Yes, and I'm just tired. Tanya can be very demanding on some days."

Edward nodded recognizing the name of the junior editor I worked under now. "What's her last name?" He asked, tossing his jacket over the back of my couch. We both walked into the kitchen and began taking things out for dinner.

"Why?"

Edward shrugged. "Just curious."

"Denali." I stated, grabbing some vegetables from the fridge for a salad.

"Hm," Edward muttered a moment later.

"Do you know her?"

"No, but Emmett or Alice might. I don't know. Doesn't matter." He shrugged again and went back to cooking, acting as if he had not asked the question at all. I thought the change in his demeanor odd, but I didn't bring it up.

Edward returned to his normal talkative self during dinner, asking me how my day had been and what I was currently working on for Tanya. I explained as her assistant all I really did for her was keep track of her appointments. I sometimes read and made brief reports on manuscripts for her when she didn't have the time. But so far I was acting as her clerk. But I was picking up tricks and learning from watching her. I told him that I hoped to implement that myself someday if I was offered an editorial job.

Edward reached a hand over to cover mine and squeezed gently. "You will, don't worry. You're an amazing writer. But sometimes I wish you would let me read more of your work."

I blushed and looked down at my plate. "It's personal."

"I understand. When you're ready."

Later as we lay entwined together in bed, I noticed the change in him once more. We moved together slowly, the passion and fire between us from our weekend away felt as though it had been extinguished in the last couple of weeks. I wanted more right now. I threw one leg around his hip, pleased that he grabbed me behind me the knee to hold it up, but he didn't quicken his pace. I shifted my hips in a different way, brushing against him and cried out at the friction.

Edward grunted and thrust a bit harder, but still he wouldn't move in the way I desperately desired. I tried to push up against him and flip us over, but he wouldn't budge. He said nothing, just moved slowly, almost methodically.

"Are you tired?" I asked, brushing some hair from his forehead.

"A little."

"You can go faster."

"No tonight," He whispered.

I let it go and let him love me in the way he wanted to. But tomorrow I was going to ask for more.

"Can we talk about something?" He asked after we had finished and lay facing each other.

"Can I go to the bathroom and first and get a drink. I'm really thirsty."

"Take your time, actually…yeah I need to pee too." He smiled, and I swear he blushed as well.

"Well, it is always a good to go to the bathroom after sex." I replied in a matter-of-fact way. Edward just gave me a playful swat on the behind and headed into the bathroom while I grabbed a couple glasses of orange juice.

I quickly took care of my own business once he vacated and then joined him again on my bed. We sat up watching each other as we drank our orange juice. I was waiting for Edward to broach whatever subject it was he wanted to talk about. And then it crashed on my mind.

What if he was proposing?

"Have you thought about at all what I asked you?" He finally spoke, sounding nervous.

I remained silent, honestly not remembering what it was he was talking about. "About moving in together?" He prompted me when I didn't respond.

"Oh," It dawned on me now. "Sorry, I'm still shaking off the vestiges of your sex-induced haze."

Edward smiled down into his orange juice. "That good, huh?"

I nodded. It had been explosive at the end thanks to the slow build up. Maybe that had been his intention. "I've been thinking about it a little. Honestly, I've been so busy getting assimilated."

"I know, I understand. That's why I didn't want to bring up again right away. But it's been a couple of weeks. I want to talk about it."

"Then lets talk about it." I reached for his hand the way he for mine at dinner and squeezed.

"I want to sell my apartment and get our own place together. Maybe a condo, maybe a small house. What do you think?"

"I think a condo would be very nice." I agreed earnestly.

"So you'll move in with me?" He asked, sounding nervous again. "I mean, we don't get to see each a lot now as it is, and your job is farther away now."

I reached out and took his chin in my hand. I didn't know where this sudden rush of affection was coming from. But the thought of living under the same rook as Edward didn't scare me as much as it had last month when he first brought it up. I shushed his impending rant with a sweet kiss. He tasted like orange juice and Edward and I was suddenly struck with the thought that if we lived together I would get to kiss him every morning like this. Enjoy his taste like this as we ate breakfast together.

"Yes, I'll move in with me."

"Cool," He smiled like a little boy and did a quick little dance from where he sat.

"You're just a big kid at heart, aren't you?"

"You just made me so happy. It warrants a victory dance."

I laughed out loud, all of the tension from earlier in the evening evaporating, and for the time being I forgot all about his sudden change when I mentioned Tanya's last name.

The following week we went out to look at some apartments that Edward had found online in central Seattle. I noticed every place on his list was within reasonable walking distance from both of our jobs. It made me smile to know he was genuinely serious about this. He wanted us to be together as much as humanly possible. I had never had that before in a boyfriend. All of my high school relationships ended either because the boy was tired of me, or neither one of us was interested in pursuing something further.

But with Edward that was completely different. He was a man I would consider settling down with. And that thought brought to mind what Alice had said in the bridal parlor. I shook with the nervous that one would assume you feel at the thought of an impending proposal. Misreading my current state, Edward wrapped an arm around my shoulders pulling me into his side. He was warm, comfortable, and completely solid at my side. Completely…there beside me.

The first apartment we looked at seemed promising, but I wasn't keen on the second floor. I preferred a place a little higher up. It was a privacy thing. The second apartment was larger than the first, expectedly more expensive, but it was on the tenth floor of a very nice building with a wonderful reputation. It had a full kitchen, master bedroom and bath, and a breakfast counter. I was in love.

We looked at another two apartments after that and one condo, but I wanted to go back and look at the second place again. Edward could tell from the glee in my eyes as we walked through the first time that this was going to be it. I bounced on my toes next to him as he made an offer with the real estate agent that evening. He then took us out to _Tango_ where we had our first date.

"So, Rose and Emmett had their first ultrasound today." He mentioned quietly over the appetizer.

I stopped halfway popping an olive into my mouth. "How did that go?" I asked, recovering from the quick shock that went through my system.

"Good, they're having a boy. Emmett is through the roof and wants to do a football themed nursery."

I smiled but didn't share in Edward's light laughter. I sat back in my chair, my hands falling to my lap.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I shouldn't have brought it up." He apologized quickly. He reached across the table for me, but I didn't raise my hand to let him take it. "Bella," He asked me, his voice now echoing concern.

"I'm fine, sorry." I waved my hand in the air as if to dismiss my entire change in attitude. Edward sat back up in his chair, his hand still in the middle of the table. I reached for him and he laced our fingers together. I smiled shyly at him and popped another olive into my mouth.

I did my best throughout the meal to maintain a cheery attitude. We talked about the apartment and what we loved most about it. It was centrally located to both of our jobs, quite a few nice restaurants and coffee houses, and also close to where Alice and Jasper lived.

Edward hoped to hear back from the realtor tomorrow evening with the proposal. She had mentioned there were other offers on the table right now, and if we really wanted the place we were going to have to either act quickly or be prepared to counter high offers. Edward had waved his hand in the air. It didn't matter to him. He was very confident that before the end of the week we would be signing the final paperwork on the apartment.

I wished I could have shared in his enthusiasm, despite how excited I was about the apartment itself. I didn't fully grasp how these situations proceeded, and I was preparing myself for the possibility that we may not get it. I could be just as happy in one of the other spaces we had looked at today.

Edward steered clear of any discussion of Rose and Emmett for the rest of dinner, although I could tell he was thrilled for his brother and sister-in-law. It hurt inside to know that I personally would never be able to bring him that joy. We would never experience that moment of seeing a little blip on a screen. A little life we had created together.

As we sat there finishing the last couple bites of dessert, I secretly mourned the loss of something I would never have. But I kept a smile on face. For Edward's sake.

**EPOV**

I noticed as soon as we got back from the spa that Bella's emotional standpoint took a dive. I knew it stemmed from all the time we had been spending with my family as Alice and Jasper's wedding drew closer, and watching the happiness that poured out of Rosalie and Emmett with each consecutive week of her pregnancy.

There was only so much I could say to her to make her smile. It was a painful subject for her because of her condition. But when she had explained it to me she had used the words 'possibility of not happening'. She hadn't said impossible. And when I brought that up, Bella shut down completely.

In her mind it was impossible. And the more she saw of the possible with my brother and sister-in-law, the more it felt impossible for her. I started declining lunch invitations and not telling her. I took her out instead to one of her favorite parks or cafés. She figured it out eventually, and instead of being angry with me, she thanked me. I assured it wasn't a problem for me and I didn't think anything of her being selfish when she brought it up. I would do anything to make her happy and see her smile.

For a couple of weeks her emotions improved and we began the discussion of moving in together. I was ecstatic, over-the-moon thrilled when she agreed to move in with me. We started looking at available spaces and I put my apartment on the market. Bella's lease was up in a couple weeks, so it was perfect timing.

The second apartment we looked at together was nothing short of perfect and I could tell from Bella's face as we walked around that this was the one. But I insisted we look at all of the available options before settling. There was no comparing to that one, though. Bella was set on it although she never said it aloud. I made an offer for the apartment and was told I would hear back within twenty-four with a response. I was willing to make whatever offer I had to.

Over dinner that evening I tried to broach the subject of Emmett and Rose. They had gone in for their first ultrasound today and he had called right after to gush, yes gush, about it. He was so happy to be a father and began going off on his plans for a football themed nursery. I could Rosalie sighing heavily in the background. She would do all she could to counteract that, I was sure. If she could have her way it would be a neutral type nursery, probably in shades of yellow with ducks or lambs, or maybe even lions.

But Bella shut down once again. I quickly apologized, knowing I had really touched a nerve for her. I was hoping happy news like this would make her glad as well, but perhaps mentioning the ultrasound, knowing it would have been a very intimate moment for Rose and Emmett, had been going a bit too far. I knew it was something she desperately desired and hoped to have in her own life. But her mind was so firmly set in the 'impossible' setting that it was hard to break through it.

I wanted to suggest that maybe we should try ourselves, but that would have been dangerous and I didn't want to send her in the deepest recesses of her mind. Putting aside the fact that if we spent so much time trying and she was just never able to conceive it would destroy her already fragile emotional state. As we had discussed when Bella first told me of her condition.

She seemed to recover quickly, though, and we finished dinner talking about the apartment. She was so happy about it, but her smile didn't reach her eyes as it had earlier in the day. It pained me inside to see the diminished light in her eyes, and I would have gone to Hell and back to bring that light back out.

Later that week we signed the paperwork on the apartment and started packing. When I called Bella at her job to tell her the news she sounded happy, but not overjoyed. She had been so passionate about this apartment and it was like all of the fire had gone out of her in the last five days.

She still had another week on her lease, and so we had to wait until then to move her out completely, but we began bringing things over that she wasn't going to need in the interim. I packed up my apartment as well and hired a moving company for the furniture. I had received a couple offers on my apartment, but nothing had peaked my interest yet. There was the potential for a possible bidding war, though.

"How about we stay in tonight?" I suggested as Bella and I walked in to my apartment. All that was really left was a few kitchen items. I had left some pots and pans unpacked so we could continue to cook.

"Yeah, that sounds good." Bella replied quietly.

"Did you have a busy today?"

Bella shrugged out of her coat and hung on the rack by the door. "Why?"

"You just sound a little tired. I though you had a busy day."

"No…"

"You want to talk about it?" I offered gently, coming to stand on front of her. I took her hands in mine holding them between us.

"I'm fine, Edward, really." She pulled her hands from mine and walked away into the kitchen. I heard her go through the fridge in search of something to make.

She had been like this for the past couple of days now. At first I let it go, taking it as Bella still trying to shake off the almost disaster that had been dinner the other night. But then it continued.

I was struck with the memory of my friend from high school and panic had flooded through me. When his girlfriend of three years broke up with him she had begun acting just like this in the beginning. Withdrawn, quiet, almost disinterested.

I tried to shake it off, but every time I talked to Bella, asking if there was anything wrong, anything she wanted to talk about, she immediately changed the subject. I was concerned and trying not to let it escalate in my mind. But that wasn't exactly working.

I walked into the kitchen to find her stirring some sauce on the stove that smelled heavenly.

"Vodka sauce?" I asked, taking her waist in my hands as I stood behind her.

"Yeah, leftovers. Is that ok?"

"That's fine, sweetheart."

I went about making the pasta and put some crusty bread in the oven with a garlic spread on it. I tossed a quick salad and set the table while Bella finished putting the meal together.

"Can we talk about what's bothering you?" I asked as I poured some wine to go with dinner.

"I…I've been having some pain lately. More pronounced than usual. I made an appointment with my GYN for tomorrow evening, I'm just afraid of what she's going to tell me."

"Is that what's been bothering you the last couple weeks?"

"Longer than that. I thought the pain would go away, but it's grown worse."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it comes and it goes, Edward. I can't stop it. I want to go in and request she increases the dosage of my birth control."

"Will she do that now for you? I mean, you've already been in for your yearly exam already, right?"

Bella nodded, chewing her pasta and swallowed before replying. "Yes, so she'll probably have to do a pregnancy test first, and an ultrasound to check my ovaries."

I stopped with my fork halfway to my mouth. "Pregnancy test? Why?"

"Its procedure if you're changing medications." Bella explained simply. She twirled some spaghetti on her spoon and took a mouthful. I was glad to see her appetite had come back. After returning from the spa she had been sick for about a week and we chalked it up to the massage, and quite possibly the fish we had eaten on our last night.

"What time is your appointment?"

"5:30. Would you like to meet me and we can go out for dinner? I'm craving that sushi place."

"Craving, huh?"

"My period is coming."

"That's what I meant. I hope it's not as bad as last month."

"That confused me. I was in so much pain, but I hardly bled. I'll have to mention that to Dr. Green tomorrow. I'm sorry, this is so personal for a dinner conversation."

"Bella, its fine. Honestly, you should have heard how much Alice talked about it when she was a teenager. She was the first of her friends to get it and couldn't stop bragging that she was a "woman" now."

Bella laughed and took another forkful of pasta.

I spent the following day at work thinking about the sudden change in Bella's attitude throughout the previous evening. She had been withdrawn and quiet when we arrived at my apartment, but had brightened up considerably as dinner progressed. It was almost enough to make my head spin.

I sat in my office most of the day making calls and sending various emails. Carlisle was starting to prep everything he would bring with him to Chicago in October for the quarterly meeting with headquarters. He wanted everything from January up until now organized so that as the rest of the year progressed we could stay on top of it all.

I called Bella around four to make sure she still wanted to go out tonight after her appointment. She sounded anxious on the phone, a little tired even. I asked if everything was ok and she said she was just nervous about her appointment. I didn't know what she had to be nervous about. According to our conversation last night she was just going for a routine exam in order to request new medication.

Bella was waiting for me outside her doctor's office. She seemed withdrawn, as she had been the previous evening. But as I walked up to her she smiled brightly and reached up to wrap her arms around my neck.

"This is nice," I whispered against her mouth as she kissed me.

"How was your day?"

"Good, how was your appointment?"

"Good,"

"Did she change your medication?"

Bella shook her head. "She didn't need to."

I felt my brows knit together momentarily in confusion. "I thought you needed her to."

"That was before."

I stared at Bella for a moment, assessing her expression. She was smiling shyly, her eyes shone a little. But she was holding something back, I could tell. Perhaps her doctor had discovered she didn't really the increased dosage and she was feeling much better.

"Before what?" I asked, still feeling a little skeptical.

"Before I found out." Bella took my hand pressing it against her belly. Her smile amplified as she gazed up at me. "I'm pregnant."

**A/N: Yea, so I just totally dropped a bomb on you all at the end of this one, huh? Review! Review! Review!**


	10. Surprises

**A/N: So, did I drop a bomb or what in the last chapter? Don't hate me for it, it was planned all along. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, just a lot of Pepsi Next, it's my new caffeine fix. **

**BPOV**

I sat in the waiting room outside the exam rooms waiting to be called. This was just going to be a quick visit, I would be in and out, and soon Edward and I would be going out for dinner. I couldn't wait to see him. I had been having a weird day and I wanted to talk to him about it. I just needed to hear his voice again. His call this afternoon had lifted my spirits. I had been in one of those "funky moods" as he calls it, and I chalked it up to how my birth control wasn't working as effectively as it had been a couple years when Dr. Green initially put me on my current medication.

"Isabella,"

I glanced up from the magazine I had been reading when my name was called and walked into the back. Since I had already had my annual, I was escorted right into the exam room and asked to disrobe from the waist down.

I had just hopped up onto the exam chair with the paper sheet across my waist when Dr. Green knocked and came in.

"Hello, Bella." She greeted me with the same warm smile I was accustomed to seeing and I returned it. "So, you've had a significant increase in pain over the past couple months?" She asked glancing at my file. "And you would like to increase the dosage of your medication?"

"Yes," I nodded. "If that's what you recommend."

"Well, lets do a quick ultrasound and check everything first. We'll also a pregnancy test."

I nodded, knowing the procedure. She had to do this every time she changed my medication. Which had been a few times in recent years as my body continued to change in my early twenties.

I stepped out into the small bathroom to pee and came back handing her the cup. She used a simple store bought test and dropped it into the cup. While we waited she got the ultrasound booted up and had me lay back while she prepped the probe. Not my favorite part of any exam, but it was necessary considering my condition.

"Well, that's a first." She commented, looking at the dipstick.

I glanced over, and in the muted light I could see that it had turned blue. "No way, that's impossible."

"It's not impossible, Bella. But we'll check with the ultrasound. It's most likely a false positive since your hormones have been out of whack, as you like to say."

I smiled shyly and felt a small blush crawl into my cheeks, but that could also be because Dr. Green was now inserting the probe. Always an uncomfortable moment. I hissed like I usually do because it was a sensation I wasn't used to feeling, but relaxed as she requested.

"Let your left leg fall open a little more."

I adjusted it, and she pressed the probe in a bit further.

"Is that uncomfortable?"

"No more than usual."

"Good. Just breathe. I'm checking your ovaries first."

"Anything unusual?"

"I'll be able to see more closely on the printout. Now let your right leg fall open a little more. Good," She moved the probe around a bit more, punched a few buttons on the keyboard and sent the images to be printed. "Ok, now for our little mystery."

I let out a long breath.

I turned my head to watch on the screen as she switched it over to a view of my womb. At first I thought I was looking at a glitch in the screen. But there was no mistaking that little white blip.

"Oh my God…" I whispered.

"Well, it looks like not everything is impossible after all. You look to be about four weeks along here. Too soon to tell the sex, though. I guess you won't be needing that change in medication." Dr. Green smiled warmly at me. I couldn't look her in the eyes, I was too busy staring at the damn screen.

I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. How happy Edward was going to be. Oh my God. What time was it? I have to meet him. I have to tell him. He's going to be so overjoyed.

"Bella, are you ok?"

"Yea," I nodded, feeling tears well up in my eyes.

"Are these happy tears, or frightened tears?"

"Happy, really, really happy."

"I'm glad. I'll print out some images for you."

"Please, Edward will want them."

Dr. Green removed the probe and switched the machine off. She handed me some paper towel to clean myself up with.

"Is he your boyfriend?"

"Yes. It was so hard telling him that I might not be able to have children, because he told me he's always dreamed of a family of his own someday."

"Well, now you two have one. I'll let you get dressed and when you come out we'll make an appointment for you to come back in for another ultrasound with Edward."

"Ok,"

"Congratulations, Bella."

"Thank you,"

I waited for her to leave before finishing cleaning myself and getting dressed. I had chosen a slightly dressy outfit for today since Edward and I were going out for dinner tonight. And now we had something wonderful to celebrate. I couldn't have dreamt of a better reason.

Dr. Green greeted me at the reception desk and handed me a small bag with a list of pregnancy do's and don'ts, as well as a list of foods I should be eating and foods to avoid. She also included a prenatal supplement vitamin and folic acid. "I can schedule another appointment for to come in, in six weeks. That's my earliest opening for another ultrasound. By then we'll be able to tell the sex and hear the heartbeat."

"Wow, I really can't believe this."

"Believe it, Bella. I'm so happy for you."

I couldn't help myself. I reached out and hugged Dr. Green. She hugged me back, patting my shoulders. "I can understand how emotional this is for you, but you should go out with your boyfriend tonight and celebrate."

"We already have plans for dinner."

"Excellent. But no alcohol," She gave me a teasing smile knowing that I knew better. It was patronizing at all.

I thanked her again, and took the card for my next appointment. Dr. Green told me to look for my invoice in the mail for the visit today as I walked out. Edward hadn't arrived yet so I stashed the bag Dr. Green had given inside my purse and headed down in the stairs for the exercise to meet him outside.

Since it was almost April, the evenings were beginning to grow warmer, but there was still a slight chill in the air. I buttoned up my sweater over my dress and waited to see him walk in. He arrived a few minutes later, looking a little hassled.

"I'm a little late, sorry," He apologized. "I had a lot to do today. How was your day?"

"Good," I kissed him, throwing my arms around his neck. I was so happy to see him. "How was yours?"

"Busy. Did your appointment go all right?"

"Yes, she didn't need to give the medication after all."

"I thought you needed it, though?" Edward asked, looking confused.

"I did before."

"Before what?"

"Before I found out."

Edward eyed me up and down skeptically like I was playing a game with him, and I sort of was. I wanted to see the look on his face when he figured it out himself, but he was apparently so brain fried from his long day at work that it just wasn't clicking. So I took his hand and pressed it to my middle. "I'm pregnant." I whispered to him.

I looked up at him, watching the smile slowly spread across his face. The light erupted in his eyes and suddenly he had both arms around me and was twirling me as I shrieked with laughter.

Then he set me back down on my feet, cupped my face in his hands and kissed me. My hands wound around his arms to hold him there. I didn't care who could see us, this was the most joyous moment of my life. I was able to give Edward something he truly wanted. Something we had created together.

"Oh, this certainly warrants going out for dinner. Should we call my parents?"

"Tomorrow, I just want it to be us tonight."

"Agreed." He tucked my arm into his and walked me out of the building. "So how far along are you?" he asked, unable to get the grin off of his face.

"About four weeks. Dr. Green has me scheduled to come back in six weeks, just after my first trimester ends. She said by then we'll be able to tell the sex and hear the heartbeat."

"Oh wow, I forgot about that. I can't wait to see our little one."

"Oh, wait." I let his arm go for a moment and dug around in my purse. "Here, she printed these out."

"Is that?" Edward asked as I handed him a copy of the ultrasound image.

"Yup, that's our little one."

"Oh, Bella." He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk to gaze down at the fuzzy image. "I'm taking this to my office, is that all right?"

"Yes, she printed me a few, so we have one for your family, one for the fridge at home…"

"Oh right, the new apartment."

"Did you forget we're moving next week?"

"Momentarily, yes."

"It's ok. I understand why you're distracted."

Edward carefully slipped the image into the inside pocket of his suit jacket so it wouldn't bend. He then wrapped his arm around my shoulders holding me close. I pressed my hand to his chest so I could feel his heartbeat through his shirt. He was so warm and solid beside me. He leaned over and kissed the side of my head as we began walking again. "I can't think of a better reason to be distracted, Bella. This is the happiest day of my life."

"Me, too." I smiled up at him, graced with the same bright smile in return.

Over the next couple of weeks Edward started calling me at work at the publishing house to ask me how I was feeling. I knew he was being over protective, and I also knew he genuinely wanted to know how I was doing.

"Want to me meet me for lunch?" He asked Thursday afternoon.

"I can't. I'm having lunch with Tanya so she can go over her schedule with me for next week. She's not going to be here and I have to hold everything down for her that she's working on."

"Oh, that sucks."

"She's not that bad."

"You didn't know her in high school."

For a second I thought I heard what I heard…but then I wasn't so sure. Edward mumbled the sentence so low. But it almost sounded as if he had said…

"So what about dinner instead?"

My thoughts were interrupted with Edward asking about dinner. I shook my head to shed the fog and answered quickly. We were moving into the new apartment tomorrow. I had requested a half day, because that was all Tanya would give me. But Edward had taken the whole day, and so he would be doing most of the move. Which he pointed he didn't mind, because he didn't want me doing any heavy lifting.

"What are we going to cook with? It's all packed."

Edward scoffed, "Who said anything about cooking?"

"Ok…so where would we be going?"

"I was thinking…Thai."

"Um, I don't know. Spicy really hasn't been sitting well with me the past couple weeks."

"I'm sure they can make it not spicy."

"If you insist." I sighed happily, my resolve weakening. Thai noodles were a favorite of mine.

"Bella, are you ready yet?" Tanya called from her office. She had a tone to her voice, and I had a feeling she knew I had been on the phone this whole time instead of prepping my notes for our lunch meeting.

"I'll be right there. I have to go, babe. I love you, I'll see you later." I hung up before Edward had a chance to return the sentiment, feeling terrible for that. But I didn't want to piss Tanya off, even if she was only a junior editor.

"Do you have everything?" Tanya snapped at me as I walked into her office.

"Yes, sorry. I'm a little discombobulated this week." I sat down quickly in the chair she offered me.

"I ordered form downstairs. Is salad all right?"

"Yes, fine. I've had to start eating a little healthier lately."

"Dieting?" She asked me, eyeing me up and down.

"Pregnant, just found out." I muttered, my face flushing. This wasn't how I had intended to tell her, or her boss, who was also my boss. But it had to be done.

"Oh, congrats. I had no idea. How far along?"

"Only a month or so."

"Well, I suppose its good I ordered leaves then." Tanya laughed lightly at her joke, while I managed a small smile. "I'll try and make this quick." She stated as the office assistant from the front desk walked in with two plastic containers. She set them down with utensils, dressing, and water.

Our meeting lasted almost an hour. I picked at my salad, avoiding the tuna, but I ate the eggs. It was half decent for cafeteria food. Tanya didn't even touch hers, busily shooting off her appointments at me while I wrote them down. She gave me a list of the projects that were priority and due at the end of next week. She would be doing work as well while she was away with the senior editors at a convention, but the bulk of the task was falling to me.

"I have faith in you, Bella. I can tell you're hard working. I know you'll be fine. However, if you run in to any trouble, don't hesitate to ask Maggie next door. She's Liam's assistant, and I know she'll be more than willing to assist you."

"All right, thanks. What else did you have for me today?"

"Not much. I just need to copy all of the pamphlets and get them organized. Oh, would you be able to go through my files and categorize them for me?"

"Sure, how would you like them?"

"Use your imagination. I just remembered they've needed to be done for weeks. Most of our files are digitized, but all of the old stuff is still in cabinets. Every editor is responsible for getting their work sorted so next month when the techs come in, everything just can be entered into the system in order as quickly as possible."

"Of course, I'll take care of it."

"Oh, Bella." She called as I was walking out of her office.

I turned, "Yes," I had the feeling she was about to reprimand me for being on the phone with Edward.

"Who was that you were talking to for so long out there?"

"My boyfriend, he was just checking up on me. Sorry. He's a little overprotective."

"Next time ask him to call you on break."

Whoa, talk about a full 360. What crawled up her ass in the last sixty seconds. I nodded and walked out shutting her office door behind me. Someone was vying for a senior editor's position. I knew our head editor, James, had been talking about transferring to the Chicago branch to be closer to his parents since they weren't doing well. I guess Tanya was trying to prove herself worthy of his role.

I had to say, though, that I was impressed by how much she had achieved in a short time. She was about Edward's age, give or take a year. I was only a few years younger than him. He would be turning twenty-eight on June 20. I would be twenty-six in September.

I sat back down at my desk with a sigh and began going through everything I had just written down, typing it up onto a fresh document so I had something easier to read. My handwriting had always been atrocious, and when I had to write as quickly as I must with Tanya, it's even worse.

I spent the remainder of the afternoon sorting through my desk and making sure I had everything would need for the following week. I made copies of the manuscripts Tanya wanted me to work on so I could make my own notes and email them to her. She would be taking the same manuscripts with her so she could compare what I had to say on them, and then dictate what I was supposed to send back to the author.

Not a job I looked forward to if she rejected a manuscript. But I perused a couple of these yesterday and there was one that looked particularly promising, and I intended to say that when I made my official analysis.

I had been working on my own as well when I took breaks. I had finally gotten a solid concept for the book I wanted to write. But I didn't want Tanya, or Edward to know anything about it, and so I had gotten into the habit of bringing my laptop with me to work and typing away while I ate lunch. So far all I had was a few chapter outlined as well as an unfinished plot, but it was a work in progress, and I knew the slower I went with it, the better the finished project would be.

When six finally rolled around, I logged off my work computer shut my lamp off and locked my drawers. Tanya had left an hour ago to meet with the editors she would be travelling with next week. I didn't mind so much, but she didn't have to drop a pile of paperwork into my basket with a thud as she walked out, waving a good night behind her.

"She sounds like a total demon." Edward commented over dinner half an hour later. We were at a small Italian restaurant. By the end of the day I wanted nothing more than to curl up with him and share a warm meal. Something comforting.

"She's not, really, and I know that doesn't sound convincing. She's just…"

"Impossible," Edward suggested.

"Competitive." I offered instead, and explained the situation going on within the company.

Edward just shrugged and sipped his white wine. I stared at it lustfully, wanting a glass so badly. But I couldn't have it yet. I wanted an "all clear" from my doctor before I touched alcohol, and that was still quite a few months away.

"Do you have to be smug about it?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I can send it back."

"No, enjoy it. I'll just sip my soda."

"You can have a sip, Bella. It won't kill you." He offered me the glass. "One sip won't hurt." And I knew then he was talking about the baby.

I took the glass and sipped gently, held it in my mouth for a moment savoring the crisp, cool flavor, and then let it slide down my throat. It warmed me on the way down, making me want another sip. But Edward was pulling the glass back.

"Thank you, I needed that."

"I could tell." He finished the rest of the wine in a gulp and drank water for the rest of the meal.

I slouched forward suddenly, leaning my head into my hand, "I'm not looking forward to next week at all."

"She said there would be help if you needed it."

"Yes, but I want to be able to prove myself as well. She's just given such a huge workload."

Edward simply smiled and reached across the table to take my hand. I sat up instantly, enjoying the feel of his thumb rubbing across the back of my palm. "You can do it."

"Thanks,"

"Edward, is that you?"

We both looked up at the same time, and the last person I wanted to see was standing there. Seriously, hadn't I just gotten away from her a little while ago?

"Tanya?" Edward asked, clearly recognizing her.

"Bella, what a surprise. You didn't tell me Edward was your boyfriend."

I glanced across the table at Edward. I knew what I had heard on the phone today had been exactly what I thought. But Edward wouldn't look at me.

"Yes," I nodded in answer to her observation about Edward and me.

"I can't believe you're both here, too. All of the editor going to the convention next week met here for dinner so we could discuss the schedule. I haven't seen you since high school. You look great, Edward."

"Thanks, Tanya, so do you."

"Do you hear from Peter at all?"

I felt Edward stiffen from where we were still holding hands in the middle of the table, but he shook it off quickly, shaking his head at Tanya. What the hell was that about?

"Not recently. But I check in on him every now and then. Do you?"

"No," Tanya answered in a small voice with a slight smile on her face.

Who the hell was Peter, and what had happened between the three of them to make Edward flinch like that? I was going to have to talk to him about it.

"Well, we're going for drinks now. Would you like to join us?" Tanya made a point to look at me this time. She knew damn well I couldn't drink, and I could tell she was really only inviting Edward.

"No thank you, we're actually leaving soon." Edward answered, letting my hand go.

"All right, well, it was great to see you, Edward. I'll see you in the morning, Bella. And congrats again."

Edward waited until she had left before turning back to me. "Does she know you're pregnant?"

"Yes, I told her this afternoon, and I was planning on telling James tomorrow."

"The sooner the better, I guess." He mumbled, and sipped his water.

"What was that about?" I whispered, leaning in toward him a little.

"Nothing important."

"Then talk to me about it." I did my best to keep my tone gentle. I didn't want to upset him any more than Tanya already had.

"Not tonight, ok?" He looked at me with such a despondent expression that I couldn't help but nod. Something had happened in high school between him, Tanya, and someone named Peter. I wanted to know what it was, but Edward clearly did not want to discuss it tonight. But it was something painful.

I just hoped it was nothing truly bad.

**A/N: Hope you all enjoyed! **


	11. Proposals

**A/N: Thank you everyone for yet another explosion in my inbox! Such a great thing to wake up to since the first thing I do in the morning is check my email before I get out of bed. I love to see all those little [New Review] flags. Keep the love coming, I will keep the chapters coming. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Just a lot of fun magnets for my bedroom fridge. **

**EPOV**

Seeing Tanya in the restaurant was the worst thing that could have happened. It was the last encounter I had expected to make. I honestly I had not thought about her since my senior year of high school. I didn't date her. But she had gone out with my best friend Peter since his sophomore year. She was a year older, having graduated the June before we graduated. I remember the three of us always hanging out together, getting pizza after school, cutting class to smoke behind the gym, crashing parties, and just getting into random trouble.

Theirs was a picture perfect relationship. I knew Peter was madly in love with her, that he wanted to be with her forever. They never made me feel like a third wheel, but there had been times when I wished for something for myself like what they had.

And then it all turned to shit.

A week before graduation Tanya broke up with him. And not because she wanted to be single. It was because she had been seeing another guy since she started her freshman year at college.

Later on, after Peter was released from the hospital, he told me the whole story. She had fallen in love with Randall, a guy in her Intro to British Lit class. At first she was conflicted about Peter, and whether or not she still loved him. She claimed that it took her months to figure it out, but that Randall had known from the beginning. However, it had been Tanya's selfish decision to continue to string Peter along all those months. And then she ripped his heart out and stomped on it. I hated her for what she did to my best friend.

But that wasn't even the worst part.

I was there to watch Peter fall apart. He even attempted to kill himself, and if I hadn't been over his house at that time, he probably would have succeeded. His parents recommended he seek professional help, and he did. It took months, but eventually he managed to break out of his depression and get on with his life. It was during that time that I swore I would never let that happen to me. Yes, I wanted a life like the one I slowly watched my brother Emmett develop with Rosalie. Yes, I wanted to get married.

But I never wanted to fall so head over heels in love with a girl that I was blinded to everything else going on around me.

And I realized after seeing Tanya in the restaurant that that was exactly what I had allowed to happen with Bella. I had let myself drift off into a bubble, a safe little bubble where it was only the two of us. The outside world didn't exist when I was with her.

And while my heart was telling me that that was how it should be. My mind was saying something completely different. It went into defense mode. Now when I spent time with Bella I found myself analyzing everything she said, how she said it, her expression, her tone. Whenever she discussed one of the male editors at the publishing company, I watched her eyes for a flicker of emotion instead of listening to what she was saying.

I knew I was falling into a self-destructive pattern, but I was so scared. I didn't want to lose her because suddenly I wasn't enough and she felt the need to look elsewhere.

A few weeks went by and I watched for the subtle changes in Bella that I knew would be coming. It was almost the end of April now and we had moved into our new apartment together and began discussions for the baby's room. She wanted to keep everything neutral. Paint it yellow maybe, or green. Animal themed, perhaps? Or maybe stars.

"Edward?"

I looked up when she called my name. Bella came walking down a flight of stairs in her bridesmaid's dress. Suddenly all thoughts of the last few weeks flew out of my mind and I could only focus on her.

"You almost ready?" She asked me.

I had been so lost in thought that I had almost forgotten where I was. Today was my little sister's wedding day. All the planning and preparation that had gone into this was finally culminating in Alice's dream ceremony.

"You look stunning."

Bella was dressed in a pale blue, strapless, silk gown that fell to the floor and flared out gently. She wasn't showing, not even a little, yet. She turned for me a couple times so I could see the lacing in the back.

"I can't wait to undo that later." I whispered, taking her hands and pulling her towards me.

"Oh stop," Bella swatted my shoulder, chastising me.

"Edward, you should be up there with Jasper and Emmett." Carlisle interrupted us, just as I was about to place a kiss on Bella's lips.

"Oh, shit. Yea." And I turned to go, but Bella grabbed my wrist.

"Your tie, silly. Seriously, where is your head today?" Bella laughed as she quickly did up my bowtie and straightened it. "There, perfect."

"Not nearly as perfect as you." I whispered, gathering my arm around her slim waist. I pulled her against me and pressed my lips to her neck. Bella whimpered beneath me, but pushed me away gently and shooed me up to the altar.

The ceremony was everything I knew Alice wanted it to be. I watched Jasper as she first started her walk down the aisle. I had never seen him smile so much before at one moment. And Alice was smiling back the same way.

I caught Bella's eye during the exchange of vows. She winked at me and mouthed 'I love you'. I mouthed it back to her before turning my attention back to my sister and imminent brother-in-law. Neither of them could get through their vows without tearing up a little. Well, Alice full out cried. At one point I watched Bella and Rosalie both wipe their eyes. Emmett next to me ran his finger under his eye as well. I was shocked. I had never seen my older brother cry before.

"You looked like you were getting a little misty over there." Bella teased later at the reception as she walked over to the table. She sat down next to me laying her head on my shoulder.

"Maybe a bit," I admitted. "Tired?"

"Mm…" Bella nodded and yawned a little. "Come dance with me, it will keep me awake until the toasts."

"Ok, if you insist." I pretended to be irked, but the smile wasn't helping.

"I do, actually." Bella pressed, hiding a grin behind her hand.

I stood up offering Bella my arm, maybe a little sarcastically, and she took it, folding her hands around my elbow. We walked onto the floor at the beginning of a slow dance, so I wrapped Bella up close to me, needing to feel her body against mine. It was the only security I had when everything else in my head felt so unsure.

"I'm surprised you haven't asked me yet today how I'm feeling."

"I haven't?" I was surprised. "Sorry, I have a lot on my mind."

"I know, it's a big day. I'm still surprised Alice asked me to a part of it."

"You mean as a bridesmaid?"

Bella nodded. "Why wouldn't she?" I asked.

"I just didn't think I was considered a part of the family at that time."

I shook my head, incredulous, as I chuckled at her. "Bella, you were considered family the moment I told my parents I was bringing you to meet them. Possibly even before that."

"I never thought this would happen." Bella whispered, laying her head on my chest.

"Never thought what would happen?"

"You, me." She took my hand and discreetly pressed it against her belly between us. "_Us_. I never thought this would happen in my life."

"But it has," I replied. "Bella, I never thought this would happen for me either."

I felt her smile, the upturn of her cheek against my shirt. "But it has," She repeated back to me.

I tipped her chin up so she was looking at me. "Yes, it has."

We remained on the dance floor for two more songs before it was time for the toasts. Being Alice's brothers, Emmett and I were both required to stand up and make a short speech. I kept it short and sweet. Emmett made an ass out of himself, teasing Alice from the middle of the dance floor about the lack of sleep she was sure to endure from now on.

I think it was the first time I'd seen _Jasper_ blush.

After dinner Bella spent some more time on the dance floor with Rose and Alice, and even Esme went out there for a few songs. I just sat back watching. Emmett took the chair next to me, his eyes over my shoulder as he sat down, watching his wife. Rose was about five months pregnant now, and only just starting to show. You couldn't notice right away, but if you looked she had a small bump starting to form in her middle.

"I'm starting to get nervous." Emmett admitted. "How do you feel about it with Bella."

"She's only seven weeks along. I'm still in the "honeymoon phase", I guess you could call it. It hasn't really hit me yet. But when she starts talking colors for the nursery, then I get that weird tingly feeling in my stomach."

"Yeah, almost like you're going to throw up, but it's a good feeling, right?"

"Exactly,"

Emmett and I watched the girls in silence for a couple minutes. I switched between staring at Bella and staring at my feet. I'd already had three glasses of champagne and a couple cocktails. But the food was rich enough that I was only buzzed. I knew it was mean to drink when Bella couldn't, which was why I had been trying to do it when she wasn't looking.

"When are you going to ask her?" Emmett asked suddenly, pulling me out of my fog.

"Ask her what?"

"To marry you, dumb ass. I'm sure she's waiting."

I opened my mouth to answer him but shut it again almost as quickly. I had been thinking about it for weeks to be honest. But since seeing Tanya in the restaurant, and all of the terrible memories she brought with her, I just wasn't sure anymore.

I knew if I asked Bella to marry, I was making her mine. But she could still decide at any time in the future that I wasn't what she wanted, baby or no baby.

"Dude, hey." Emmett was snapping his fingers next to my ears. "Shit, how much have you had to drink? You're really zoned out."

"I was thinking about your question."

"Well, you just sat there for forty seconds and your eyes got all glazy."

"When did you learn how to count?" I retorted.

Emmett flipped me off, in jest of course, and we shared a brotherly laugh. "I don't know when I'm going to ask her."

"Do you have a ring?"

"Yes, of course I have a ring. I was going to ask her in the new apartment the night we moved in. But she had just told me about the baby only a few days before that, and I didn't want her to think I was proposing because she was pregnant."

"I get that, Ed, I do. But seriously, just go put the ring on her finger."

"Not here, not now."

"Tonight then, after you guys leave. It's not a big deal."

"It's a not a big deal." I scoffed. "Easy for you to say, you're already married. I want to ask Bella to spend the rest of her life with me as my wife, and I as her husband. That's something that deserves serious consideration, don't you think?"

"I just came out and asked Rose. I didn't even think about it."

"You didn't have a ring either."

"I wanted her to pick it out. I was afraid to get it wrong."

We lapsed into silence as the song switched to another slow one. Bella beckoned for me to join her on the dance floor again. Rosalie waved to Emmett as well. "I'll ask her soon, I swear. I'm just…"

"Putting serious thought into it." Emmett finished for me. He patted me on the shoulder as we approached our girls. "You'll do fine, Ed."

"Thanks," I muttered. I gathered Bella in a firm embrace as we began to move to the slow rhythm. She rested her head against my chest as she had done earlier, sighing in contentment.

"Did you have fun?" She asked me.

"Yes, did you."

"A blast."

"Good," I kissed the top of her head as we continued to drift back and forth.

"But I'm ready to go."

"Me, too. Let's go find Alice and Jasper."

We left about twenty minutes later, laden down with favors and flowers. Alice promised to keep in touch via email during her honeymoon, but not too often. She winked at Bella when she said that. I didn't want to know what it meant.

On the drive back I offered to stop for drive-through if Bella was hungry, which she was. We grabbed some burgers and brought them back to the apartment where we ate on the living floor, our food spread out on the coffee table while we watched TV.

Bella passed out shortly before midnight. I carried her to the bedroom, hoping I didn't wake her and laid her down on the bed. I wasn't sure how to get her dress off, and this wasn't exactly the scenario I had pictured doing it in.

I figured it would be easier if I got out of my suit first, so I changed into my sleep pants and a t-shirt. Bella had rolled onto her stomach in the mean time, making it easier for me to unlace the back of her gown. It loosened around her chest, and I was able to slip it off without waking her. Underneath she wore a white bodice. I wasn't sure if I should let her sleep in it, but I knew removing it would wake her. I pulled the sheet up to her shoulders then got in bed beside her.

Sleep didn't come immediately. I lay there for what felt like hours, watching Bella, staring at the ceiling, watching the time go by on my clock minute by minute. My mind was lost in a sea of thoughts, most of them centering back on the conversation I had with Emmett at the wedding.

When _would_ I ask her? Did I even have the courage? Yes, I did. That I knew. But I couldn't get the memory of what Peter went through out of my head. It scared the crap out of me to think of what would happen should Bella decide to leave. I was so in love with her. I knew I couldn't live without her.

I had to stop, and I knew it. But for some reason, I just couldn't shake the fear.

Maybe I just needed to sleep on everything. I glanced over at the clock one more time. It was almost two in the morning now. I looked back to Bella. She was completely passed out, breathing deep and evenly in her sleep. I leaned over and kissed the top of her head, then stretched out next to her on my side. Her peaceful face was the last thing I saw before I finally fell asleep.

A soft buzzing woke me. I opened my eyes and looked around. In her sleep Bella had shifted closer to me. Her head was on my chest and she had one arm thrown across my torso. She was practically wrapped around me, making it hard to move. I was trying to figure out where that buzzing was coming from.

Very gently I moved her arm and shifted her head onto the pillow I was using, slipping out from underneath her inch by inch until I was off the bed. The source of the buzzing was Bella's cell phone where it lay inside her clutch from last night. The caller ID told me Dr. Green was calling her.

"Hello," I answered, my voice still a little thick from sleep.

"Good morning, is Bella Swan available? This is Dr. Green, I just want to check in on her."

"Yes, uh…one minute."

"Is this Edward?"

"Yes, it is."

"She's told me a lot about you."

"It's all lies, I can assure you."

Dr. Green chuckled on the other end. "I hope I'm not waking anyone by calling this early."

"I don't even know what time it is." I was slowly making my way back over to the bed to wake Bella so she could talk with her doctor.

"It's almost nine. I can call back in a little while, if that's more convenient?"

"No, no. One minute, please." I put the phone down on Bella's nightstand, then leaned over and kissed the back of her bare shoulder. "Hey," I whispered in her ear. "Hey, Dr. Green is on the phone for you."

"Who?" Bella asked sleepily as she rolled over.

"Your baby doctor, what are they called?"

"OB/GYN, Edward." Bella sat up and grabbed her phone. "Thank you," she whispered to me before starting to talk with her doctor. I could only hear Bella's side of the conversation, but from her answers it sounded like Dr. Green just wanted to know how she was doing so far in the last few weeks.

"Not much, maybe a few twinges but nothing to make me want to rush to the ER." That answer made my ears prick up. "Yes, next Thursday, 2:30. I'll be sure to take a half-day. Yes, Edward will be there. We can't wait." Bella looked up at me and grabbed my hand with a brilliant smile. "Ok, thank you. Bye,"

Bella hung up and her phone down on the bed. "So I take it your appointment is next week."

"Yup,"

"What was she asking you about?"

"If I've been feeling any pain or excess pressure."

"And have you?"

"Not really, which is surprising. She told me to just make sure I'm paying attention to my body. Because of my condition I'm considered a high-risk. And she would have had me in sooner for an ultrasound, but the earliest appointment she could make was next week. But so far I told her everything has been fine and that we'll both be there on Thursday."

"I can't wait."

"Me either."

I leaned in and kissed her. Bella looped her arms around my neck pushing her body against mine. When she pulled back she let out a long breath. That was usually her way of expressing that there was something she wanted to talk about.

"How's Tanya been treating you?" I asked, hoping that switched topics in her mind.

"Same, she's stressed and making me feel it. James in transferring in a couple months and she really wants that senior position. So I get the attitude, but she doesn't have to be a brat all the time about it."

"Yeah, that sounds like Tanya."

"We haven't talked about that yet, have we?"

Now I let out a breath. Damn it, I set myself up for this one. "And we're still not going to, are we?" Bella asked, a note of sadness in her voice.

"It's not that I won't talk to you about it, Bella, it's just hard to talk about."

Bella sat back against the headboard, laying her hands in her lap. She was still dressed in only her underclothes from yesterday, but I wasn't going to let myself be distracted by it.

"What happened that was so terrible it makes it hard for you to talk about this many years later? Did someone die?"

"Almost," I muttered. But then I realized what I said and clammed up again.

"No, no," Bella responded gently to my change in demeanor. She reached across the space between us taking my hand and lacing our fingers. "Keep talking, Edward, please. Talk to me about this."

"I…can't."

Bella let her eyes wander for a minute before settling back on mine. "Fine,"

"Bella, wait. Come here," I grabbed her hand as she started to get up. "I promise that I will tell you about it. I swear I will, just…no today. Ok."

"You said that three weeks ago."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I really am sorry. I haven't thought about it in years, and then I see her again and it comes back at me like a punch to the chest. It was a lot to deal with."

"Is that why you've been so distant?"

"That's part of the reason."

"What's the other part?"

"Can we please have a nice morning together, and I promise tonight I'll tell you everything."

Bella stared at me for a minute, chewing something over in her mind. There was no way I would be able to stand and talk about this tonight. But I had just promised I would and so I would have to dig really deep and find the courage.

"I'll make a deal with you. We have to talk about this before Thursday. It's the first ultrasound we're going into together. But we can find out the sex, if we want to know now, but more importantly we'll be able our baby's heart for the first time. I don't want anything to destroy that moment, Edward. It's something I've always dreamed about, and I want to experience it with you with nothing hanging in the air between us. So we'll talk about this, but it was to be before Thursday, deal?" She asked gently at the end.

"Deal," I responded immediately. Bella leaned in this time and kissed me, throwing her arms back around my neck and pulling me down on top of her.

We made out like crazy for several minutes before finally pulling apart. I hated that I had made her upset. And I wanted to prove to her just how much I loved her.

It was now or never.

"Bella, there is something I want to talk about right now, though."

"What's that?" She asked, her eyes still heavily lidded form our kissing. We sat up together and I reached over into my nightstand to get the small black velvet box I had been hiding there.

Bella didn't gasp, but she did smile brightly at me. "I've been trying to think of a way to do this for weeks, actually months. I had been planning on asking you a while ago, but then you told me you were pregnant and I didn't want you to think I was doing this because of that. I have no idea how to say this except, Bella, I knew the day I met that you were the one. I almost knocked you down, and I'm really embarrassed about that. But I knew from the moment when I first saw you that you were going to be it for me.

"There were things I knew I wanted in my life, and in the beginning when you first told me everything it was hard to let some of things go. But then this," and I reached between laying my hand on her belly for emphasis, "this is the greatest gift you could give me. I'm so overjoyed. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." I opened the little box and took the ring out holding it in the palm of my hand. "I offer you my heart to keep forever, although you've had all along. Will you marry me?"

Bella nodded slowly, a few tears sliding down her face. She offered me her left hand so I could slide the ring onto her finger. "Yes," She whispered in my ear and I embraced her. Her fingers stroked my hair, rubbing my scalp. It felt so good. It was exactly what I needed. We didn't need the bells and whistles going off announcing that she said 'yes'. We just needed each other.

"You just made me so happy," I whispered to her. I had no idea how long we had been sitting there holding each other, but I had to say it.

"You've always made me happy, Edward. But you just made the luckiest girl alive."

"I don't think luck has anything to do with it."

"What is it then?"

I drew away from her a little bit so I could look into her eyes. "Fate,"

**A/N: So there has been some concern about Tanya. No worries, she's not the antagonist in this story. She's just an element. Polyvore update for this chapter. I know the link on my profile still isn't working. I can't figure it out. Just head over to Polyvore and search for me, same name as fanfiction. **

**Love you all! Review please. I will try and update again this weekend. But I have a huge homework load I need to get through first today before I sit back down again with this story. **


	12. A Little Heart

**A/N: Thank you all so much for the reviews! This chapter is going to be switching between BPOV and EPOV, just a heads up in case you get lost. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but just got myself, and very cheaply, a new BabyCake donut maker. I can't wait to break it in!**

**BPOV**

Edward and I made plans to go out Wednesday night to celebrate our engagement. We would have gone earlier in the week but Edward had gotten bogged down with reports that needed to be written, and I was busy finishing up with Tanya's files that needed to be organized.

It was an on going process with her, and every time I got another section done, she just happen to come across more from God knows how many years ago. I didn't care so much about the work, it kept my mind occupied. But I did care about Tanya's attitude, which was growing progressively worse.

James was transferring next month to the main branch and he was due to announce soon who would be taking his place. There had been times when Tanya was so frazzled that she actually listened to the advice I gave her. But today was not one of those days.

"Bella, I need these read and a brief report on them before lunch." She dropped two thick manuscripts on my desk. "First two chapters only."

I nodded and took a deep drink from my water. The Chinese from last night was not settling right. I'd had stomach cramps all day, and right now I felt like I was going to be sick. I really didn't want to cancel on Edward tonight, but right now it was looking that way.

"Of course, I'll have them done."

"Good. So Edward asked you?" Tanya nodded toward my left hand. This was the first time she had noticed the engagement ring on my finger. Not that I had been flashing it around the office or anything, but almost everyone else had congratulated me over the past couple of days.

"Yes, he did. On Saturday."

"Good for you," She smiled tightly and turned to head back into her office.

"Oh, Tanya, did you get the note I left for you about my doctor's appointment tomorrow. It's at 2:30 so I'm taking a half-day. I cleared it already with Kate in accounting."

"I got your note. I hope it goes well."

"Thanks,"

Tanya retreated into her office and shut the door quietly. I took that as my cue to get to work, so I got comfortable in my chair and started reading.

By lunch I was almost done with the second report, typing up my notes, when Tanya came out of her office and asked if I was done.

"One more sentence." I told her. I quickly typed it, and sent both documents to her computer and the printer.

"Thank you, Bella. I'll pick them up on my way out. I'm going to lunch, so feel free to take your break. I'll see you in an hour."

I nodded and waited for her to leave before digging my cell phone out of my purse. "Hello, beautiful." Edward's familiar voice answered on the other end.

"Good afternoon, sir. And where do I find you?"

"Across the street actually at the deli. Want me to bring you anything?"

"No, my stomach is killing me from dinner last night."

"Too much sauce?"

"I don't know what it was. But it's not agreeing with me today."

"Have you been sick at all? I can bring you up some soup?"

"Actually, soup sounds really good."

"I'll be over in a couple minutes."

As promised, Edward arrived five minutes later with soup and a couple rolls. "What were you doing across the street? Isn't that a little far for you to be walking for lunch?"

"I was hoping you would call me and invite me up into your tower."

"And what if I hadn't?" I asked as I swiped my ID badge to get back into the building.

"Then I would be sad right now."

"You're too cute."

I tried to breach the topic of 'the talk' we still needed to have tonight, and when he felt most comfortable to do it.

"After dinner," Edward didn't seem so sure of his answer, but I took it.

I felt a little bit better after lunch with Edward, and got back to work on the to-do list Tanya had sent to my email this morning. When five rolled around I shut down my computer and said good night to Tanya. This was the first time I was leaving before her, and it felt a little strange. But she called out a 'good night' back to me.

I arrived back at the apartment before Edward so I got changed into something nice for dinner. I picked out my favorite yellow skirt and cream top, and dressed it up with my lacy ballet flats.

I heard Edward come through the door and walked out to meet him.

"I want to talk now," He stated as I pulled back from kissing him in greeting.

"Ok," I didn't like the tone of his voice. We took seats diagonal from each other at the small breakfast table.

"I want to be able to go out to dinner tonight and have a really good time. So…lets do this now."

"All right, I'm listening."

He told me the whole story about what had happened in high school between Peter and Tanya. It was heartbreaking to hear, especially when he got to Peter's attempted suicide. Edward had gone to see him almost every day until he was released.

"I know I've been distant lately, Bella, and I'm sorry if that's made you feel put out in any way."

"I haven't been angry, Edward. I've been worried. It made me think I did something wrong, or that I upset you."

"No, never." He took my hands in his. "After everything that happened, I never wanted to lose focus on a relationship. Ever since we ran into Tanya, and it brought up all those memories, I've just been so scared you would leave me."

I pulled my hands away slowly. Was he implying what I thought he was? "You doubt my love for you?"

"No, I don't. I …"

I got up from the chair slowly and turned to look down at him. "Are you sure, because that's what it sounds like to me? You're afraid that I'll get tired of you working late all the time, or some excuse like that and I'll start looking for someone else? After we've just gotten engaged? Edward, if that was the case, I wouldn't have said yes."

"No, Bella, please. Sit down, let me try and explain this. It's hard to understand, I know."

"What's hard to understand about it? You think I'll meet a guy and fall in love with him and all of a sudden want to be with him instead of you. Like what Tanya did to Peter. Edward, I'm nothing like her. I would _never_ do that to you."

I was trying not to feel angry, but it was difficult. This was exactly what I had meant when I asked him on Saturday to talk to me, and he wouldn't. My fists clenched at my sides. How could he think this way? Had I ever given him reason to doubt me?

"Bella, I know, I should have told you earlier, but can you understand how painful that was for me?" He pleaded from his seat at the kitchen table.

"That doesn't mean you stop talking to me, Edward! We agreed to always be honest with each other. To talk things out if something was bothering us. We're supposed to be able to trust each other. How could you keep something like this from me?" I shouted at him, tears building in my eyes.

My stomach twisted into a tight knot, but I ignored the pain for the moment. I wasn't done yelling at Edward yet. I honestly abhorred myself for treating him this way, but I couldn't just let him off the hook.

"How am I supposed to marry you when you won't talk to me or trust me with your feelings? Explain to me how I'm supposed to be able to trust you."

"Please don't say that, Bella, please." Edward rose from his chair and crossed the apartment taking my hands in his. If I weren't so desperate to erase the pain from his face I would've punched him or smacked him or something.

"I was wrong, ok, I was wrong for waiting so long to tell you the truth. But please, _please_ understand that what I went through was so painful…" He bowed his head and sucked in a sharp breath before bringing his eyes back up to meet mine. "I was trying to protect you."

I gasped as my stomach knotted up again and I grabbed onto his arm for support from the pain. "I don't feel protected." I panted, looking up at him.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward supported me as I started to double over from the pain in my abdomen. "Oh my God…" his voice trailed off in horror and I watched the line of his eyes as they fell to my skirt.

I looked down as well and saw the knee-length yellow material starting to turn red. "Edward…" He caught me as I slipped when my knees gave out and scooped me up rushing me into the bathroom where he sat me on the edge of the tub.

Blood continued to spread out across my skirt as the pain in my stomach intensified and I screamed. "Oh no, no, no!" Edward cried as he held a towel to me. "Bella, look at me!"

I grasped my stomach through my shirt and was barely able to open my eyes wide enough to see him. "Hospital," I choked out.

"Hold this still," he pressed my hand to the towel, threw my arm around his waist and wrapped his around mine as he walked me carefully from the bathroom. Everything was a blur as we moved from the apartment to the elevator. Thankfully we never ran into anyone. The pain was so bewildering I could barely focus on anything else.

Edward got me into his car and we were speeding to the hospital. I could hear him talking on his phone and when we got to the emergency room a technician was waiting outside with a wheelchair. The towel Edward had given was soaked now, and the blood had seeped everywhere onto my skirt.

Once we were inside the doors I was separated from Edward and could hear him calling for me, but the nurse talking above me was reassuring him. I felt like my brain was detached from my body for the next hour or so. The pain faded away and I was hooked up to different machines, stuck with needles and there was talking, constant talking.

My mind finally came to when I felt someone take my hand and speak my name. I turned my head to see a nurse standing there. "Isabella, do you understand what's happened?"

I turned my face away from her so she couldn't see me cry. Yes, I knew exactly what had happened.

I had lost Edward's child.

**EPOV**

The moment I saw the blood leeching onto her skirt I knew exactly what was happening and my brain refused to process it, refused to accept it. After fruitlessly trying to get the bleeding to stop in the bathroom I rushed Bella to ER where she was taken away from me and I was told to wait. I was given no guarantees whatsoever, just told to wait.

I wanted to shout, I wanted to scream obscenities. I was on the verge of pulling my hair out when I felt someone touch my shoulder. I looked up to see a female doctor smiling softly at me and asking me if I was waiting for Isabella Swan.

"Please tell me she's all right," was the first sentence to bubble up from my throat.

Dr. Green, as her nametag stated, sat down next to me. "I have good news and I have bad news. I think you'll want to hear the good news first."

"Is she alive?"

"Yes, Bella is fine. That's part of the good news. The other part is, and I don't think either of you was aware of this, but Bella was carrying twins, one survived."

"What are you saying?" I asked. My brain was so fried at this point all I was hearing was noise beyond her saying that Bella was all right.

"Your fiancée was carrying twins, and while one was lost in the miscarriage, one is till alive and attached to the placenta, and _very_ healthy and strong."

It took me a minute to process what she was telling me. My brain comprehended Bella, miscarriage, and one still alive.

"Bella had twins…"

"Yes, and I'm very, very sorry but she miscarried one."

"So she's still…"

"She's still with child. Yes, and we would like her to stay a couple of nights so we can monitor her. But the fetus is healthy and it and Bella are just fine."

"Can I please see her?"

"Of course," Dr. Green rose and wrapped a comforting arm around my shoulders as she led me from the waiting area and down a hall to a private room. "We've explained all of this to Bella as well so she knows what's happened and that you both still have a child."

I stared at the door unable to reach out and grasp the handle "Thank you," I said quietly and turned to Bella's doctor. "Thank you for…for everything you were able to do."

"I'm very sorry for your loss. I'll let you be alone with her."

As the doctor's footsteps faded away I let out an uneven breath and grabbed the knob twisting it to open the door. Bella was sitting up in the bed halfway and staring off to the side at nothing. Her eyes were empty, void of all emotion.

"Bella," I greeted her softly and she turned to look at me, her eyes immediately filling with tears. "Sweetheart, please don't cry, please." I rushed to her side cradling her face in my hands kissing away the moisture that fell.

"I'm so sorry, Edward."

"Shh…you're safe, that's enough for me."

"Don't pretend like you're not disappointed."

I let her go and grabbed her hand as I sat down in the chair at her bedside. "I'm not going to lie anymore, Bella. It hurts yes, but…"

Bella's eyes fell to her stomach where our surviving child still lived. "I lost one."

"We didn't even know there were two to begin with, Bella. Please, don't beat yourself up over this."

"Please just hold me, Edward, tell me it's all right."

I reached for her and cradled her head to my shoulder rocking her back and forth as her tears continued to silently fall. I kissed her forehead over and over as I whispered to her that I loved her, that I would never stop loving her. This was going to be the most difficult challenge of our relationship so far.

And as long we remained strong, and we loved each other, and we were honest, hopefully all three of us would make it through.

I didn't sleep that night. Neither did Bella.

I attempted to get her to try, but she just spent the night curled up next to me the best she could, crying into my chest or my shoulder. By the time the sun started peeking through the blinds over the windows she had finally passed out. Her body had succumbed to the exhaustion of her tears.

Bella shifted against me, her head rubbing my shoulder. I did my best to wrap an arm around her shoulders and leaned in against her. She sighed in her sleep. I tried to close my eyes but my body wouldn't allow it. Deep down I wanted to stay up and watch over her. I stroked her hair as the sun continued to rise behind the blinds. I was thankful they were closed. The glare would have been awful.

Eventually there was a soft knock on the door. When I glanced at the clock on the wall it read 8:26. It was early, but not by hospital standards. "Good morning," I uttered quietly as a young female nurse walked in a with tray.

"Good morning, I have some breakfast." Constance, as her nametag stated, said as she placed it on the mobile stand at the end of Bella's bed. "I'll leave it here for her. Dr. Weber will be in shortly to check on everything."

"Thank you,"

I waited until she left before shifting Bella gently. I sat her up against the pillows, gently running my finger down her cheek to wake her. "Morning," I whispered, and leaned in to kiss her forehead.

"Morning," she sighed, her eyes opening slowly. "I need to pee."

"Ok, I'll help you."

I moved the IV stand as Bella made her way across the room to the small bathroom. She kept the door cracked while I stood outside. I heard her whimper a couple times, and it took all my strength not to rush in there. But she came back out a few seconds later. I helped her back into bed and got her all fixed up the way she had been just as the door opened again.

"Good morning, Bella." Dr. Weber greeted her. "Edward," She asked, offering her hand.

"Yes, her fiancé."

"Dr. Green noted that in the file. And also that you were staying. Not that we would deny it. How are you feeling this morning, Bella? Any soreness?"

"A little," Bella admitted as she adjusted herself in the bed.

"That's to be expected. Your body is going to ache for a week or so. Little twinges, mostly in the abdominal area." Dr. Weber walked over to the opposite side of the bed and started checking monitors. "I'm so sorry this happened, Bella."

Bella nodded and sniffed quietly. "There was always the chance," she whispered.

I don't know if Dr. Weber heard her, but I did. And it made my heart clench.

"I'll let you eat breakfast and come back in a little while to do an ultrasound. If you want we can see the sex of the baby, listen to the heart."

Bella glanced at me for a moment then shook her head. "Not today,"

"All right, but we'll check everything else. I'll come in about twenty minutes. Would you like anything, Edward? Coffee or some breakfast?"

"No thank you,"

Dr. Weber nodded and headed out shutting the door quietly behind her. For a minute Bella just sat there staring at nothing. Then the tears began to fall. I let her lean in to me as she had last night and wrapped my arm around her.

"I know what you're thinking right now, and you have to stop." I told her.

"But I knew this would happen, Edward." She cried. "It's my fault."

"No it's not, Bella. Look at me." I lifted her chin and wiped away the moisture from her cheeks. "It's not your fault. It's nature, and you have to accept that. I'm having a hard time accepting it, but you have to as well. Shh…please, don't cry anymore, Bella. It kills me to see you cry."

Bella took a couple breaths and sat up. "What are we going to tell your family?"

"We'll decide that later. It's not important right now. What's important is you, and taking care of you." I helped Bella to sit up and pulled the tray forward so she could reach it.

"I'm not hungry, Edward."

"You need to eat. Not just for you." I laid my hand on my stomach.

"Ok. Will you eat with me?"

"Of course."

We split the food on her tray, of which there was plenty. Toast, fruit, bacon, eggs, juice. Bella apparently was craving the apple juice so I drank the little plastic cup of orange juice. I made sure she ate more of the protein than I did, and had a little extra fruit. If I got hungry later I could run down to the cafeteria. I knew I was going to need coffee eventually.

Dr. Weber came back twenty minutes later as she said she would and set up the ultrasound machine. Bella still didn't want to know the sex, but she changed her mind on hearing the heartbeat. I wanted to hear it to. This would be the first time I would see our little baby on the screen.

I helped Bella get comfortable for the internal ultrasound, taking her hand and squeezing it gently. As the screen buzzed to life I watched the fuzzy black and white for a sign, or a little white speck. I didn't know what exactly to look for.

"Right there," Dr. Weber pointed out. "See the fluttering?"

I looked where her finger was pointing and noticed the pulsing. "Is that the heart?" I asked.

"Yes, and it's very strong. Do you want to hear it?"

Bella nodded, her eyes already glassy. Dr. Weber flipped a switch on the machine and a soft, steady echo filled the room.

"I can make a recording of this if you like, and print a few images."

"Please," Bella whispered. I reached over and wiped away the tears that had fallen down her cheeks then leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"I love you,"

"I love you, too."

It was exactly what I needed to see, and hear, to know that everything was all right. "We're going to make it through, Bella. I promise."

"I know,"

"Everything looks good, Bella. Your baby is very healthy." Dr. Weber turned the machine off and handed Bella a towel to clean up with. "I'll let you rest and come back in a few hours. Dr. Green will be here tonight with you. She'll do another ultrasound and tomorrow morning you should be able to go home. She'll talk to you about appointments and everything. Do you have any question for me?"

"Just one. What are the risks now?"

"Well," Dr. Weber sat down in the chair next to Bella's bed. "You'll need to rest more, make sure you're eating healthfully. No strenuous activity. Try not to be on your feet all day long. But Dr. Green will know more. She may recommend a period of bed rest later on in your pregnancy. And you won't be returning to work until next week, more than likely."

"That's not a concern."

"As far as risks. It's uncertain. You are classified as a high-risk pregnancy so that means you'll need regular check-ups, ultrasounds, to make sure your baby is developing properly, that the cord isn't winding, or the placenta doesn't become detached. Other than that you need to make sure you take care of yourself. If you experience any pain that's out of the ordinary call Dr. Green immediately and come here."

Bella nodded. I could tell she was scared, and so was I. But stress wasn't going to help. This next week was going to be hard for both of us. I was already planning on taking the time off to take care of her at home. To spend time with her. She was going to need me, and I would be there for her.

Also, we were going to have to tell my family eventually, and that was going to be rough. Maybe I could ask Rosalie to come over and talk with Bella. She was sure to be a source of strength.

Dr. Weber left us a couple minutes later after making notes in Bella's chart. "Why don't you try and rest and I'll call my brother. He can come over and get the key for the apartment so he can get some clothes for us. Is there anything you want?"

"My laptop," Bella admitted. "And maybe a book."

"Ok," I leaned down and kissed her, stroking her hair. "I'll go call him, do you want me to tell him?"

"Yes, go ahead. But don't tell your parents yet, ok?"

"Of course."

I let Bella shut her eyes and relax back against the pillows before getting up to go out in the hall and phone Emmett. He picked up on the second ring.

"Hey, what's up bro?" He asked, sounding like he didn't have a care in the world.

"Hey, I'm at the hospital with Bella. I need you to come over and get my key for our apartment and then grab some stuff for us. Can you do that?"

"Yea, of course. Shit, what happened? Don't tell me she…"

"Yea, but there's good news, I'll explain everything when you get here."

"Ok, I'll be there as soon as possible. Do you want Rose to come over?"

"Actually, yes. I want her to talk to Bella. I'm a little worried about her. I want her to talk to someone she can relate to better than me."

"Of course. I'll be there as soon as possible."

"Thanks, Em."

I hung up and stuffed my phone in my pocket. I really needed some coffee. "Hey," I stuck my head back in the room. Bella had opened her eyes and turned the TV on. "I'm going down to the cafeteria for some coffee. Would you like anything?"

"More apple juice, and a bagel with cream cheese."

"Still hungry?"

"Yes…" Bella replied sheepishly.

"I'm glad." I walked in and placed a deep kiss on her lips. "We're going to be ok, Bella, I promise." I pressed my hand against her belly as I kissed her again. Then I leaned down over her abdomen and pressed a gentle kiss to her stomach.

**A/N: Don't be mad at me please. There is hope in this chapter, so try to not see all dark. **


	13. Together

**A/N: Did I make everyone really upset with the last chapter? I'm sorry. This one will be better. I promise. This is another chapter that switches between Edward and Bella. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, my donut maker is amazing…**

**EPOV**

I went down to the cafeteria and grabbed a cup of coffee and Bella's bagel that she asked for. I was glad that she was still hungry and she wanted to eat. When I came back in the room and kissed her we sat there together in silence for at least a half hour before I got up. We both cried a little, getting more tears out of our systems. It was the first time I had actually cried since yesterday. I knew I wasn't done, but I wouldn't cry in front of Bella. I wanted to be strong for her.

I was waiting for Emmett.

He showed around 11, took my key and headed off to our apartment. Bella had me write down a list of exactly what she wanted and I reiterated it back to Emmett. He was than glad to help. Rosalie stayed behind with us, sitting in one of the chairs watching TV. Emmett wasn't gone for more than an hour or so. He came just as the nurse was bringing Bella her lunch.

I stepped out into the hall to talk with Emmett and to leave Rose with Bella so they could talk as well.

"How are you holding up?" Emmett asked me as soon as the door was closed.

"I'm gonna lose it, I know I am."

"Well, now would be the time." Emmett glanced down the hall to an empty bench against the wall. It wasn't too far from Bella's room, so I nodded in agreement and walked over to sit down.

"It all happened so fast yesterday. One minute we were arguing, and I knew we shouldn't have been, and then the next…She bent over and just started bleeding." I felt the heaviness rising in my chest and tried to swallow it down, but Emmett told me it was ok.

He had felt the same way when Rosalie took a pregnancy test, it came out positive, and they called her doctor to make an appointment. But when they arrived at the office and the ultrasound was done, there was no baby inside her. It had been a false positive. For five days before the appointment all they could talk about was the baby they thought they were having.

It had been a huge blow to the both of them since at the time they had already been trying for three months.

"I can't even begin to describe how sad I was. It took Rose a couple weeks before she wanted to try again. And by then it was too late. I know what it feels like."

"Sort of," I picked my head and wiped at my eyes.

"Ok, sort of." Emmett agreed. "But it's still a loss, and a heavy one. But you've got something to be thankful for."

"I know. It just…I…"

"Relax, man. It's ok." Emmett patted my shoulder a couple times. "I know it hurts, really I do. And it know you need to let it out."

"I can't cry in front of Bella, Em. She doesn't need to see me break down like that."

"I understand. I wouldn't cry in front of Rose either."

"How did you get through it?" I asked, sniffling loudly. Emmett patted his pockets, apparently looking for tissue since I was about to wipe my nose on my sleeve. He got up and walked over to the nurses' station and asked to borrow the box of tissues. The nurse at the computer let him take it.

"Here,"

"Thanks," I grabbed a tissue and blew my nose loudly.

"We talked about it, a lot. I kept reminding her about how much she wanted this, and how important it was to her because of her father. Thinking about her dad really helped Rose get through it. He even told her it wasn't important, but to Rose it was. And she managed to come through relatively in tact."

"She's ok now."

"She beyond ok. And Bella will be, too. You just have to be there for each other. It can't just be you there for her. She has to be there for you, too. She's not going back to work right away is she?"

"No, not for a week or so."

"That's the time to really help each other. I assume dad is letting you take time off."

"We haven't told them anything yet. Bella…is very reluctant to say anything."

Emmett nodded. "You'll have to tell them eventually."

"I was hoping Bella would be up seeing them tonight, maybe."

"Talk to her about it. Or maybe Rose is talking to her about it right now."

"I hope she gets through more than I have. I know Bella is listening to me, and she hears what I say, but I still feel like she's stuck in her head."

"Rose will help, don't worry. Come on," He stood and thumbed toward the elevators. "Lets go get some lunch downstairs. We can continue this conversation."

**BPOV**

Rosalie moved over into Edward's chair as soon as he left. I thanked Emmett for bringing the clothes and my laptop. I wanted to work on my book, which would take my mind off everything else and give me something positive to focus on. But I could tell from the way Rose was looking at me she wanted to talk.

She sat down, took my hand, and proceeded to smooth my hair back from my forehead the way Edward did when I wasn't feeling well. I lost it. I started to cry, and I mean really cry.

Rosalie leaned over and wrapped her arms around me, crying with me. I let words tumble out of my mouth without stopping to filter them. I blamed myself. For fighting with Edward, for getting too stressed out. For not taking better care of myself. I ranted about Edward and everything he had told about what happened between his friend and Tanya. I went on about how because of that he was afraid to let someone in too deeply, and how it felt as though he had doubted my love for him.

When I was finally able to stop my face felt hot, my head ached something awful, and my throat was dry. Rosalie wiped her cheeks, and mine, and got me a cup of water from the plastic pitcher next to my bed.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." She held my hand while I drank the water. "Really, I know how much this hurts. But you've still got a baby in there. That's something to be thankful for."

"I know. Before my doctor told me I had been carrying twins and that one was still alive I felt like the whole world had gone dark around me. Like I had lost everything, and in losing the baby I would lose Edward."

Rose shook her head. "No, Edward would never leave you over this. Even if you had been carrying only one baby. He loves you far too much. And I know this is hurting him as much as it is you."

"I'm a failure as woman." I cried out, wanting to chuck the plastic cup at the wall just to see if it would smash.

"No, you're not." Rose took the cup and filled it with more water. "Drink, please. You need to stay hydrated."

I sipped the water slowly. "I am," I muttered again.

"Bella, this is a common condition, and it can be unpredictable. Even with birth control. This is not your fault, nor is it Edward's. It was just nature taking its course. Yes, there was always the risk of it happening, and it did, and I am so sorry for that. But you have to see the bright side. You still have one baby in there. One, very healthy baby that's going to be all right."

"I don't know that."

"And that's why you go to every doctor's appointment to make sure. Bella, believe when I say that this is going to turn out ok. You and Edward are going to have a beautiful little baby in about six months."

"When are you due?" I asked Rose, glancing at the little bump in her middle that was finally showing.

"Mid-September. But you're having a Christmas baby, I'm jealous."

"I might deliver early. My mother had to have an emergency C-section two months before I was due because of complications. I don't want the same thing to happen to me."

"Bella, you need to be prepared that it may. And even if it does, your baby will be fine. Babies can survive when they're taken from the womb that early. Alice was 10 weeks early, she only weighed about three pounds."

"I didn't know that."

"It happens a lot more often then most women know."

"You've really done your homework."

"Emmett and I have been trying since we got married over a year ago. We put a lot of time into research month after month. We wanted to know everything so that when I did get pregnant we were ready for whatever would happen. I had unpredictable menstrual cycles when I was teenager, even with birth control. Which is what made getting pregnant so difficult."

"I have to admit I haven't done much research, except into my condition and what it could mean for me if I got pregnant."

She reached and touched my shoulder comfortingly, "You'll have time. Maybe Edward can go out and get some pregnancy books for the two of you to read together before you back to work."

"Maybe," I sighed and sipped more water.

Rose sat back in her chair, and I could tell she was contemplating putting her feet up on the bed to rest them. "At least you have a desk job. I hate being on my feet all day. I had to stop wearing high heels because they hurt my back so much."

"But your job is way cooler than mine."

"Selling cars isn't all its cracked up to be. People hate a car salesperson."

"But not every woman gets to sell awesome Audis for a living."

Rosalie smiled genuinely, "There are perks to it." I shifted over a little so she could put her feet up. With a sigh in relief, Rose toed off her flats and perched feet on the side of my bed. "Thank you, you don't know how good that feels right now."

"I imagine I'll know in a few months."

"That's the attitude to have. You're going to be fine. I promise."

**EPOV**

"So have you two started talking about names?"

"We don't even know the sex, Emmett. Bella actually doesn't want to know." I smiled to myself for a moment as I picked at the cafeteria sandwich Emmett bought me. "We did get to hear the heartbeat this morning, though."

"Isn't that the most awesome thing? When I heard it for the first time for a moment I almost to be pregnant."

"I wouldn't go that far, but yeah, it was pretty awesome. I could see it beating on the screen. This little white blur with in the middle of it. It was the coolest thing I had ever seen."

"Wait until it gets a little bigger, and you start watching the baby grow. I'm looking forward to actually seeing little hands and feet."

"Little hands and feet, I hadn't thought about that."

"I think its great that we get to experience this together." Emmett admitted a couple minutes later when we finished eating. "I mean the four of us. You and Bells, me and Rose. When is Bella due?"

"Christmas, can you believe it? A Christmas baby."

"That's great, Ed, really."

"When Bella first found out she was pregnant she said our baby was going to be a little Christmas miracle. I think that's more true now then it was then."

"Definitely,"

We stayed in the cafeteria for another twenty minutes or so, not wanting to walk in on Rose and Bella if they were deep in conversation. By the time we returned upstairs Rose had made herself in the chair I usually occupied, her feet up on the bed. She was eating the part of Bella's lunch that Bella obviously didn't want. The fruit cup.

Bella was sitting up watching a movie on the TV and drinking the soup that was today's special. Not that I would call hospital food special in any way.

"I brought you back something to eat." Emmett handed Rose a small salad from the cafeteria.

"Thank you," She kissed him and took the proffered meal.

The four of us sat around watching the end of the movie while the girls finished eating. Rose and Emmett each gave Bella a hug and told her to be strong before they left. I thanked them both as they walked out, giving Emmett a hug. He was surprised, at first I think. We had never hugged each other before, not even as kids. Not much, anyway. But he hugged me back.

After they left I grabbed the clothes he had brought and went into the bathroom to change. When I came out Bella had shut the TV off and pushed the tray aside so I could sit on the end of the bed.

"I think we should call my parents." I stated, moving her feet into my lap.

"I've been thinking about that, too. And…you're right. We should."

"Would you be ok with them coming by today? Or do you want to wait until you're released?"

"Well, knowing Esme, she'll want to come by and see us."

"I was thinking that, too. Is that ok? Are you up for that, or would it be too much?"

"Lets call them." Bella agreed. "I'm…ok right now."

"Are you sure? There's going to be more tears."

"Edward, there's going to be tears for a while. But I had a really good talk with Rosalie, and she smacked some sense into me. I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound nonchalant about this, but she made me realize that I have to think about more than just myself now." Bella looked to her abdomen.

"That's right. And me, too."

She looked up with surprise. "All three of us." She tried to smile, but only the corners of her mouth lifted up.

"I'll go call them."

Esme was in tears on the phone with me, almost making me start to cry all over again. But I assured her over and over that Bella was fine and she and dad could come by when they had the chance. Carlisle was still at the office, but they agreed to come by around dinner.

Bella fell asleep for the rest of the afternoon. Circles were starting to form under her eyes from her lack of sleep the night before. I was tempted to crawl up into her bed and join her, but I wanted her to get as much as rest as possible without it being interrupted. So I borrowed her laptop to check my work email. Carlisle had sent me several messages after I called him this morning to let him know I wasn't coming in today. He asked if everything was all right, and I had simply told him that Bella wasn't feeling well and I wanted to stay home with her.

Of course he gave me the time, and he sent updates throughout the morning on how various meetings had gone and the work I would need to get done tomorrow. Well, I would do the best I could from home, which is what I would tell later tonight. But then I noticed another message that had just come in.

I clicked it to open it and started to read.

Edward,

Your mother just called me. I am so very sorry for what's happened. I wish you had told me this morning, but I understand why you did not. Don't worry about taking time off next week, just focus on Bella. I will make sure everything is taken care of here. If you would like the reports I can send them to you so you don't fall behind in the paperwork.

We'll both see you later tonight. Take care till then.

I felt bad for not telling him the truth this morning, but neither Bella nor myself had been in the best shape to deal with my parents at that time. I emailed Carlisle back asking for all the documentation so I could make my own notes on it and print everything at home. I thanked him for the note and closed the laptop after sending the email off. I wasn't too keen on working from the apartment but I would be damned if I was going to leave Bella alone while she was recovering.

A little after five-thirty Dr. Green knocked on the door and came in. "Good evening, Bella. How are you feeling?"

"Good, a little sore, but Dr. Weber said that was normal."

"Yes, and it'll only a few days. But you'll need to be on bed rest for about a week while your body continues to recover. Did she do an ultrasound for you this morning?"

"Yes, we got to hear the heartbeat." Bella reached over and took my hand.

"And you cried."

"We both did," I admitted, and Dr. Green smiled affectionately.

"Why don't we have another look?" She wheeled the ultrasound machine over and turned it while I helped Bella scoot down a little and get comfortable. Dr. Green went through the same procedure as Dr. Weber had this morning. She checked our baby's vitals and pointed out different things on the screen. Then she turned the volume up so we could hear the heart again.

"I don't think I've ever seen a stronger rhythm. You have a very healthy baby here, Bella."

"That's great to hear."

Dr. Green took a few more notes then switched the machine off. She updated Bella's chart while Bella cleaned herself up and sat back against the pillows again. "I'll get a nurse to bring you some dinner. We have chicken and mashed potatoes tonight or pasta."

"Chicken please," Bella requested.

"Edward, would you like anything?"

"I guess I'll have the pasta."

"We can share," Bella touched my hand and a small smile touched her lips.

"I'll let Gwen know, she's your nurse tonight."

"Thank you," Bella muttered as Dr. Green left.

We were just finishing when I got a call from my dad to let me know they were downstairs. I got up to meet them in the hallway and we walked back in together. Bella had sat up a little straighter and did her best to keep a straight face. Esme immediately went to her and wrapped her arms around her.

Bella tried very hard not to cry, but I saw a few tears slip free. Carlisle walked in carrying a huge array of flowers, which he set by the window. Then, to my surprise, he pulled me into tight hug. Esme came over and put an arm around my shoulders as well.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to make such a scene." Esme apologized as she wiped at her eyes.

"It's ok, mom. Thank you both for coming."

"Of course, we wouldn't have been able not to."

"Did you tell Emmett and Rose yet?" Carlisle asked as we all sat down. I took my seat next to Bella.

"They came by earlier." Bella explained. "Edward called them this morning and asked Emmett to go over to our apartment and get some clothes. I'm sorry, we weren't ready this morning to tell you."

"I understand, sweetheart. I'm glad you took your time. And I'm so glad you two are still going to be parents."

"We are, too." I raised Bella's hand to my mouth to kiss her fingers. "It's going to be tough, but I know we can do this."

"And you know we're all here for you. Alice and Jasper, too, when they get back."

Bella let out a breath. "That's going to be rough." She exhaled.

"Alice will understand." I whispered to her.

"I know. I really don't want to ruin her honeymoon right now."

"Alice will understand," I repeated, and Esme nodded in agreement.

For the next hour until visiting time was over the four of had a nice talk about baby themes. We let my parents know that we didn't want to find out the sex. We wanted to be surprised. I was hoping for a son, of course, and Bella wanted a little girl with green eyes and copper hair.

Esme and Carlisle both agreed that no matter what our baby looked like, it would be beautiful. They simply wanted a healthy grandchild. Esme was beyond excited to be getting two grandchildren within only a few months of each other. Carlisle all of this baby talk made him feel old, making us all laugh and lift some of the sadness still lingering in the air.

Bella was yawning widely by the time my parents left. Esme pressed a kiss to her forehead before she headed out, and both my parents hugged me once more telling me I would make a great father.

We said nothing about the engagement. Although Emmett and Rosalie knew, we wanted to wait until Alice and Jasper got back before we made that announcement. Bella had intentionally removed her ring before my parents arrived, and she put it back on as soon as they had left.

"I feel bad not telling them about it." She muttered, examining the antique set of the diamond.

"Don't. I'd rather the whole family be present then having to tell them one at a time."

"Yeah, that's a good point. Will you sleep with me tonight?"

"In your bed?"

"Yes, I want you next to me tonight."

"Of course, Bella." I turned the lamp down next to her bed, toed off my shoes and climbed in next to her. Bella scooted over as much as she could to make room for me. I sat up while she curled into my side the best she could while remaining on her back.

"I love you," I whispered to her, placing a kiss on the top of her head. "I love you so much, Bella."

"I love you, too, Edward. We'll get through this."

"Yes we will." I promised, "Together,"

"Together," Bella repeated. I stroked her hair as she fell asleep beside me, falling asleep myself only minutes after.

**A/N: Don't you just love me for all the chapters I've given you the past few days. Well, it's gonna slow down now. The weekend is over, and I need to plan my next move in this story. I also have a 15-page term paper to start writing, German homework to get caught up on, and another 2-page essay to write for my Crusades class. Busy week! And it's Thanksgiving week, too. **

**Reviews are like chocolate ;)**


	14. Relief

**A/N: So its been a while. I've been tacking a particularly ferocious term paper (and having to skip my Phi Sigma Tau meetings because of it ****) But the semester is now over!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Still loving my Babycakes Donut Maker ;)**

**BPOV**

Dr. Green released me Saturday morning after breakfast and a final ultrasound. The more Edward and I saw of our little blur on the screen, the more we fell in love with our baby. I knew he was looking forward to each ultrasound as Dr. Green rattled off the dates for me to come in. But for a while we weren't going to be noticing much of a difference in growth.

That didn't matter to Edward, or to me. We just wanted to see our little baby on the screen and know that he or she was safe and healthy.

We stopped to pick groceries on the way home and called Emmett and Rose, and Edward's parents to let them know I had been released and we were heading home. I was feeling good, still sad, but Edward had been beyond supportive over the last two days, giving me a source of strength to rely on.

As soon as we walked in to the apartment my eyes traced around the space, going from the bathroom to the hallway back to where I was still standing in the doorway. Edward was behind me, and I felt his hand on my hip.

"Hey, you ok?"

"I don't know," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. "I'm…remembering."

I heard Edward set my duffle bag down on the floor and moved around me to stand in front of me. "It's ok, Bella." He said, cupping my face. "Everything is ok."

"I can still feel it." I whispered. "The fear."

"I still feel it, too, Bella. But…"

"Don't say everything is ok, Edward." I brushed his hand away and walked around him. "It's not ok." I tried to take off toward our bedroom, but I felt his hand close gently around my wrist and pull me back in to him.

I fell against his chest, letting a sob rise out of me. It was hard to stand in the place where I had lost his baby and not feel a sense of…emptiness inside me. Yes, I was still pregnant with one of the twins I had been carrying, but that didn't mean that the loss of one was insignificant.

Edward stood there holding me in his arms as he rubbed soothing circles on my back until I finally stopped crying. Leaving my bag and the groceries by the front door, he walked me to our master bathroom and sat me down on the closed toilet.

He then began running a hot bath. It was smart to think ahead and choose this bathroom over the other. The one where…I lost the baby.

Very slowly Edward removed my shoes, my socks. He stood me up, keeping one arm wrapped around my middle and he pushed my lounge pants down. He then had me lift my arms and he pulled off my light sweater. "Are you ok to do the rest on your own?" He asked me, "Or would you like me to stay?"

"I think I'm ok." I answered, nodding.

"Ok," He leaned in and pressed a kiss to my forehead. "I'm going to go unload the groceries and make some soup for lunch. Anything in particular you're craving?"

I managed a small smile at that. "Potato."

"Good," Edward smiled. "I'll make it nice and thick."

I groaned as I thought of a provocative comment to add, but held my tongue. It wouldn't do right now.

Three days after we got back I felt a wave of depression creeping up on me. I did my best to fight it back, hoping Edward wouldn't notice. But we had become so attune to one another that of course he picked up on it, and at dinner two weeks after I'd had the miscarriage he confronted me about it.

"Aren't you hungry?" He asked, noticing my plate, which I had barely touched.

I shook my head muttering, "Not really,"

"Bella, you need to eat. You've hardly touched food for the past five days. And you've grown quiet." He reached across the space between us and placed his hand on mine. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I muttered again.

"Bella, talk to me, please."

I looked up finally, attempting to keep my expression as calm as possible so he couldn't see the fear in my eyes. "I'm fine, Edward, really."

"Really?"

I could feel my resolve weakening. I hated the worried expression on his face. This was exactly what I had _not_ wanted. I didn't want Edward worrying on top of everything he had to deal with already with me. It was enough that we were both trying to be careful, and he was really making an attempt to cook healthy, and at the same time make everything satisfying.

Nighttimes were the worst. I would wake up in the middle of the night shaking, sometimes screaming, and sweating with nightmares. Edward stayed up with me for hours afterward when I couldn't go back to sleep, despite that both of us had to be at work in the morning.

I felt horrible when I saw the circles under his eyes in the morning, even after showering and a pot of strong coffee.

"Bella?"

I looked back to his eyes. Made gaze had slipped over his shoulder where I apparently had been staring at the wall for the past couple minutes.

"Sorry, " I shook my head.

"Is everything really fine? Because I don't think it is. Come on," He got up from the table, taking our plates with him. He held out his free hand to me. "Come on," he urged when I didn't get up.

I sighed, grabbed my glass of water, and followed him out into the living room. We sat on the couch, my feet in his lap, facing each other as we finished dinner. It was much more relaxed, informal. Edward put his plate on the coffee table when he was done and began rubbing my feet.

"Will you talk to me?"

"I don't want to upset you."

"Nothing you say will upset me. What upsets me is that you're _not_ talking to me about whatever it is that's troubling you."

"You already have so much you're dealing with, here and at work…"

"Bella, stop making excuses." He pushed gently. "Just talk."

I took a breath and let it out loudly. Edward continued to rub my feet, providing something for my subconscious brain to focus on, and it kept me talking. I unloaded everything that had been on my mind for the last two weeks, sometimes crying. I recounted the two ultrasounds we had gone to, and seeing the look on his face whenever he saw our baby on the screen, healthy and real.

When I was finally done he opened his arms and I crawled into them, wrapping my arms securely around his neck. We sat there as he now rubbed my back, calming my frazzled nerves. He pressed his lips to my hair over and over telling me he loved me and thanking me. He thanked me for opening up to him, for the life I was giving him, our life together and that of our child. He thanked me for all of the happiness I gave him every single day.

It was exactly what I needed to hear from him in my darkest moment.

"You need a better way to deal with all of this. It's not good for you to bottle everything up inside. You get like this and it's not healthy, not just for you but…"

I pressed his hand to my middle. "I know," I whispered. "I'm sorry."

He kissed my forehead. "Let's go have a bath." He suggested. It sounded so good right now. "Leave the plates. I'm sure Smee will take care of them." He chuckled, referencing my cat. He was around somewhere, and I'm sure he was avoiding us because he felt neglected of late.

I remembered to feed him everyday and check his water bowl and dry food, but whenever he tried to settle in my lap I pushed him away. I was starting to get mean about it to. Sometimes raising my voice to get him to leave me alone, and I felt bad. I would have to make it up to him with some catnip and a new fluffy catbed.

A slept a little better that night, curled tightly into Edward's body. He kept his arms around me as long as possible before we eventually drifted apart in sleep. I woke up with my head laying on his chest and his arm limply around my shoulders. He was actually snoring. I knew then that he had been as deprived of sleep lately as I had been. This was taking a toll on him as much as it was on me. And that hurt me to see, but at the same time it made my heart ache with love for him. He wasn't leaving me alone in this.

I returned to work a week after coming back from the hospital, and was told by Dr. Green to take it easy. Not too much walking up and down the stairs, or carrying boxes. She called the publishing firm to let the chief editor know, and he relayed the message to Tanya. Strangely, she was much more civil to me now, and even took on some the tasks she normally delegated to me. At least for the first few weeks. Now that we were heading in to May, our summer quarter was getting busy. I was given no less than thirty manuscripts a week to read through the first two chapters and write up reports.

It was James's hope that we publish at least six solid authors before the summer was over. In the past week I hadn't read much that thrilled me, but Tanya was seeing different, and she took her notes on the manuscripts to James. They were rejected, but then mine weren't considered either. James was set to leave next week, and still hadn't announced who would be taking his place. So the first week of May was spent with me avoiding Tanya at all costs. She was snippy and short with me, and I didn't need the stress.

Today was going to be particularly challenging since it was James's last day and he was finally letting everyone know who would be filling his position. I remained at my desk for the better portion of the morning, handling Tanya's phone calls and meetings for the day. I ate lunch in front of my computer, typing up my last manuscript report before I had to get started on emails.

I was just starting the first one when my phone rang. I glanced over at the number, recognizing it from the contact list in my cell phone. "Hey, Rose."

"Hey, Bella. How's your day going?"

"Ok, this is a surprise. You never call me."

"I know, and I should more often. But I was just talking to Edward and he told how upset you've been and how stressful your job can be. So I was thinking you should start coming to Mommy Yoga with me."

"Wow, Rose, that would be great. Oh, but when would I have the time to do it?"

"After work. It's an evening class. We can meet the boys for dinner afterward."

"Oh, that sounds so great, Rose. Thank you so much."

"Would you like to start tonight?"

"I can't. I don't have any work out clothes with me here."

"You can borrow some of mine. I'll bring them with me. When do you get off work?"

"Around five, I can call you when I'm about to leave."

"Great, I'll see you then."

I hung up with Rose, excited to see her when the day was over. We had been trading brief conversations back and forth for a couple of weeks now, mostly at night. Sometimes she called me in the morning before I left for work, just to check in, and we would trade comments on babies.

It was nice to have a connection to Rose. She was someone I could talk to about my pregnancy and know she'll understand because we're experiencing our pregnancies at the same time.

I returned to my work for the remainder of the afternoon with renewed vigor. By the time Tanya came by to let me know the meeting was about to start, I had finished all of my emails and even started on tomorrow's pile of manuscripts.

Tanya said nothing to me as we walked to the back meeting room where everyone was already gathered. After James made his announcement there was going to be a small party with a farewell cake. Cake sounded good right about now.

"So, as everyone knows I will be moving to the Chicago office in two days, but today is my last day. And as I have been reminded constantly, I need to appoint someone to my position. So…who will it be?" James teased as he looked around the room.

"This isn't funny."

"Yeah, be serious."

I looked around to see who had joked, and was met with small smiles as all eyes watched James at the front of the room.

"All right, all right. I did put some serious thought into this over the past few weeks. I've decided my position is, for the time being, going to be split into two respective roles. Tanya Denali will take over as chief editor, and she will be assisted my Maggie Cane as co-editor. Congratulations to you both."

Tanya merely smiled at James and tipped her head in acknowledgement.

"Now that their roles are vacated they'll need to be filled as well. After discussions with my other two staff editors, we've decided to fill the junior editor positions from within instead of bringing in someone new."

I heard a few collective gasps around the room, mostly from the girls. I knew a couple of the other assistants had been trying to break in to editing the last year. Or at least that's what I had heard around the water cooler.

"To fill Tanya and Maggie's places we have chosen Kate Reed and Garrett Marshall."

I clapped politely and watched as heads turned around the room to find the two people just mentioned. I knew Kate a little better than I knew Garrett. She had helped me out significantly my first week here in learning how to deal with Tanya. But now that Tanya had been appointed to the chief editor position, I would no longer be answering directly to her. I could feel my stress level decrease markedly.

Cake was passed around along with champagne. I refused when a glass was offered to me. Not everyone knew I was pregnant. But James and Tanya did, and thankfully Tanya stepped in just as I said 'no thanks' to the glass.

"I'll take it off your hands." Tanya grabbed the glass with a smile and wrapped me up in a one-arm hug, shocking the hell out of me.

"Sorry I've been such a bitch."

"It's ok. I understand. Um…Tanya, could you not squeeze so hard. Precious cargo."

"Oh right, sorry. I'm sure my attitude hasn't helped. But now you'll be working with Kate. She's really lovely."

"Did you know James was naming you the new chief editor."

"He emailed me literally five minutes before I came to get you."

"Congrats, you earned it."

Tanya took a huge sip of her champagne. "I've been working my ass off for five years. I just hope I'm not a disappointment."

"I don't think you will be."

"Thanks, Bella."

Tanya hugged me one more time before moving off into the crowd. I mingled for a little while, more upbeat than I normally would be at this time of the day. Usually by now I was exhausted and ready to go home, but the happy atmosphere kept my spirits lifted.

By the time five rolled around a couple hours later I had gotten ahead for tomorrow, and helped Tanya pack up part of her office. I met Rosalie outside around 5:30 and she drove us over to her gym where the Mommy Yoga class was being held. I filled her in on the way over about all that had happened today. She was glad I was no longer reporting directly to Tanya, she had seen the stress I had been under the last couple months.

"This is going to be really good for you, Bella." Rosalie gushed as we walked into the locker room to change.

An hour later as we left I felt completely relaxed and loose. Rose took me out for dinner and we caught up on everything that had been happening with our babies since the last time we had had a lunch date. I had never expected to bond quite so much with Rosalie when I first met her. But life takes you down some really unexpected paths as it courses along.

My unexpected paths couldn't have been more fulfilling.

**A/N: I know it's been a really long time. I'll duck and cover for a minute since I left everyone off right after Bella's miscarriage. Is it safe yet? Ok. Well, the semester is over, which means I don't have to think about research, or reading boring books, or writing long papers until January 22. Oh, and the best news! I got an internship! AH! I must have jumped around my apartment for ten minutes without stopping and then promptly ate a whole bag of sunflower seeds.**

**Reviews are welcome, even if you're mad at my lack in updating.**


	15. Movement

**A/N: Merry Christmas everyone! I know, I promised updates. I didn't lie. I fell asleep. I've been doing that a lot when I get home from work. Retail this time of year SUCKS!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. My dad totally psyched me out when he said there were no iPads left anywhere (joke's on me). But then he goes and gets my niece an iPad mini. She's not even 2 yet!?**

**EPOV**

Coming home from the hospital was easy. It was adjusting to life again after everything that happened that was hard. The first week back I watched Bella fight her emotions, bottling everything up inside. She ate little and rarely slept. None of it was good for her and would only hurt her more.

I finally confronted her the night before she returned to work, and she promised to try not to hold everything inside and talk to me. But I knew this was tough for her. Everything she had wanted she had gotten, and then it was taken away from her. But not entirely. And I told her that, everyday.

Slowly, Bella started to come back to who she was before her miscarriage. Half way through May she was doing well at work and the stress from months was obviously gone now that Tanya had been granted the position of senior editor. Bella no longer had to report directly to her, and the woman she now assisted for was much calmer. I wanted to take Bella away for a weekend again to relax, but both of us were so busy that it didn't look likely in the near future.

As Bella entered her fourteenth week I started to notice the changes in her. She had been suffering from morning sickness for over a month, but now she was experiencing mood swings and constantly changing food cravings. She would come home from work wanting pasta for dinner, but then just as I was about to start cooking it she would stick her head out of the bedroom where she was getting changed and request something completely different.

I simply nodded and smiled at her, acquiescing to whatever she asked. It didn't bother me, nor was it frustrating. It actually made me laugh. So tonight I put away the pasta and took out the fixings for the ham and asparagus casserole Bella asked for.

"Smells good." She commented, walking up behind me at the stove, wrapping her arms around my waist. She pressed into me, sighing as she kissed my back.

"Is that a little bump I feel?" I asked as I turned around.

"Yea, I'm finally starting to show a little."

I could almost the see the small swell of her stomach under her lounge shirt. "I like it. A baby bump looks good on you."

"It does, doesn't it?"

"So I was thinking maybe we could talk about some wedding plans tonight." I broached the topic as we sat down to eat dinner about thirty minutes later.

"Where do you want to start?" Bella asked, taking a huge bite of her dinner.

"How about a date?"

"Ok…" Bella put her fork down and sipped her tea. "I think because planning a wedding can be so stressful, especially if you're rushing for a specific date, we should get married after the baby is born." Bella suggested.

"I agree. The last thing I want is to cause you unnecessary stress."

"You would be stressed out, too. Imagine what Alice would be like if we announced we wanted to get married before Christmas."

I grimaced. "Yeah, good point. So, some time next year?"

"How about spring next year? We can always come up with a more concrete date later down the road."

"Spring sounds perfect."

As the weeks passed and May moved into June, June into July, Bella and I fell into a good routine. We got home around the same time on the nights Bella didn't attend Mommy Yoga with Rosalie. I made sure to feed her cat, Smee, those nights. It was good practice for when I would have to remember so many other things when our baby was born.

Even though we had long stretches of time where everything seemed like a dream, we still hit those rough patches now and again. They were typically triggered by something Bella found annoying and her mood swing would kick in. she would go from pleasant to unbearable in a blink.

One such was fight was caused by the few water glasses I had left laying around the living room of our apartment from the night before and hadn't cleaned them up yet when Bella walked in from her Yoga class with Rosalie.

"Why can't you just pick them up?" Bella yelled at me as she left her yoga bag by the front door.

"I was getting to them. And Bella, they're just water glasses, not dirty clothes. Calm down."

"But we can't be getting into habits like this now, just leaving things sitting around. We don't need messes piling up."

"Bella, you and I clean every single weekend. Messes will not pile up."

"I don't want to raise a baby in an apartment with messes, Edward."

I ran my hands through my hair, feeling agitation starting to rise. "Oh my God, Bella. Relax, please. I'll pick them up right now. Ok."

I walked over and picked up the glasses. "One…two…three." Then I walked them into the kitchen and called out. "I'm going to wash them first and then put them in the dishwasher, just to be safe."

I heard Bella giggle from the hallway. "Ok, maybe I flew off the handle a little."

"A little?"

"A bit."

"More than a bit," I rubbed her shoulders for a moment before moving to cradle one hand against her bulge. She was almost halfway there, but she hadn't popped yet. Rose on the other hand had popped weeks ago. Emmett was always going on about it when he and I got together for the occasional quick drink after I got out after work. He loved how big and round Rose was. He couldn't wait for more kids after this one.

"How about you let her have the baby first." I told him the other night. "She may not be as keen as you are right now for more."

"I know," he admitted, taking a swig of his beer. "But I just love watching her belly get bigger and bigger."

"Yeah, it is a good feeling."

We ordered another beer each after the first one, hanging out a little while longer to chat and catch up. Emmett finally had to go around 6 to get home and help Rosalie with dinner. She had only eight weeks to go and she was finding it harder and harder to get around as her baby entered its final stages of growth and development.

When I got home that night, Bella was already cooking dinner. I could smell the spicy Thai sauce from the hallway and wondered if dinner would actually agree with her. Lately she hadn't taken too well to spicy food.

"I had a sudden craving." Bella told me as I asked her about the meal she had planned. "I wanted spicy Thai noodles and chicken tonight."

"I'm not complaining, I'm just worried about how it will affect you and the little one." I wrapped one arm around her waist and pressed my other hand to her belly.

"I think little one will enjoy this tonight. Besides, I didn't make it _that_ spicy."

Bella was right, dinner wasn't at all spicy. It was actually very enjoyable without being overpowering in flavor. I smirked as Bella went back for thirds. "Hungry tonight?"

"Hungry always," Bella responded, twirling a bunch of noodles around her chopsticks before stuffing the bite in her mouth.

"I like to hear that."

"Well, get used to it. I'm going to be eating a lot more in the coming months. Our baby is entering its critical development stages. I need nourishment."

"And I'll make sure you get it."

I watched Bella eat for a couple minutes, leaning my head on my hand. I grinned widely as she finished her plate, the look on her face saying she was even contemplating licking it.

"Have you been reading the baby books I bought?" Bella asked me a little later after we finished the dishes and we sat cuddled on the couch.

I responded honestly. "Not really, but I will starting tomorrow. I'll bring them with me to my office."

"I don't you want to distract yourself from your work. I know your third quarter just started and your dad is going to want to keep everyone up to date for October."

"How do you know so much?"

"Oh, I had lunch with your mom the other day. She called me at work and asked if she could take me out along with Rosalie. She hasn't seen either of us in a while and wanted to catch up on how everything is going so far."

"I bet Rose had tons to say."

"She really just sat there eating her burger. She even cut it into little bites. Honestly, I think she was just too focused on eating. I can understand how she feels. I'm hungry again, actually."

"Are you really?" I asked incredulous.

"Yeah…do we have any ice cream?"

And so a new evening routine started for us. After dinner we would grab a baby book and go through it together page by page with a bowl of ice cream.

As August rolled around Bella finally stopped being sick every day, but the nausea hadn't gone away yet. Her cravings were still changing. She had mild back pain two or three times a week, and her bump grew a little bigger.

I had started taking pictures week by week as her bump began to show. I wanted to catalogue every moment. We didn't know if we would have another baby after this one, and we wanted as many memories now as we could get.

The first Sunday of the month we had dinner with my parents and announced our plan to get married the following spring, but that we also didn't have an exact date yet.

Rose let us all know how her father was doing, which wasn't much better than he had been a few months ago. His best time had been at Christmas, even though her family hadn't expected him to live through the birth of Rose and Emmett's baby. Right now it looked as though he would, but his health was still declining.

My mother had prepared a meal with both Bella and Rose in mind. There were plenty of vegetables in the dishes and chicken. She had also made brownies for dessert. And we all had to sit there smelling them baking in the oven as we ate dinner.

Bella had a hard time since all she could focus on was the scent of chocolate in the air and not the salad on her plate.

"I needed this tonight." She tried to say around her first gooey bite of brownie after dinner.

"Me, too." Rose agreed.

"Me, three." Alice added, taking a small bite. "Married life is stressful." She flashed a teasing smile at Jasper, who returned it, knowing she was kidding. So far we hadn't heard about any fights or disagreements between them, but that didn't mean there had been scuffles none of us knew about.

Alice and Jasper were polar opposites in personality, but very similar in tastes. They could always manage to agree on what color to paint a room, but when it came to down time, Alice loved to go shopping in order to relax where Jasper preferred to sit in his favorite chair (which Emmett and Rose had given them as a housewarming gift) and read.

It never ended well.

Rather, it never ended without Alice whining, and Jasper agreeing to go with her so long as they could make a stop at his favorite bookstore. That was their happy medium.

Alice was bubbly as always, filling us all in on how the first few months of her and Jasper's marriage was going. We weren't expecting a baby announcement from them for some time. Neither of them was ready. Although I knew Jasper had been thinking about only because he was always asking about how Bella was doing and I could hear in his voice the desire to see Alice grow round with his baby.

But not yet.

There was always that moment of hesitancy when I asked him if he thought he was ready.

By the end of August Bella was 24 weeks along and had a healthy baby bump in her middle. She hadn't gained much weight since March when she found out she was pregnant, but she still needed maternity clothes. And guess who volunteered to take her shopping.

Nope, not Alice.

Me.

We made a happy afternoon out of it. We stopped at several stores to look for shirts, pants, skirts, even dresses. Bella found a few fall sweaters she liked, and we even stopped in the maternity lingerie section and picked out a few sexy pieces for some personal time. Not only was her appetite cranked up, so was her sex drive. And with her happy mood came specific needs that I was more than willing to fulfill for her.

I was so glad that she was healthy and doing so much better than she was only three months ago. It had scared me at first when she wouldn't eat or sleep, and her mood was constantly down. But everything was all right now.

"Do you think we should start considering names?" Bella asked me that night as we lay in bed. We had tried out one of her lacy, new pieces. You could say it went over very well for both of us.

"What were you thinking?" I inquired in return.

"That's not a 'yes' or 'no'."

"Yes, I think we should start considering names." I rolled my eyes at her smartass remark, hearing the smile in her voice.

"Ok, I was thinking 'Alexander' for a boy, and 'Emma' for a girl."

I rolled over onto my side so I could see her better. We had only kept one light on, and my eyes were getting tired. "What about middle names?"

Bella chewed on her bottom lip for a moment as she thought that over and shrugged her shoulders.

I reached out and started to stroke her bump. I loved how round she was. We hadn't felt the baby kick yet, but I knew it was coming soon. We had been keeping up with the baby books, and they all agreed that each woman was different but the average length of time it would take before she felt the baby quicken was anywhere from 22-24 weeks.

"Ok, how about 'Emma Grace' for a girl?" I suggested.

"I like that. Hmm…'Alexander Charles', after my dad."

"I like that, too."

I leaned in to kiss her, pressing my lips against hers. Bella wove one hand in my hair, pulling me closer, her mouth desperate against mine. Just as I was about to pull her on top of me, she pulled back from me.

"Whoa, did you feel that?" She asked, taking my hand and pressing it to her slightly swollen belly.

"Feel what? Did the baby kick?"

"It definitely moved." Bella smiled. She shifted my hand a little bit over on her stomach. "There."

"It's faint, but I feel it." I smiled at her. "That's so cool."

Bella laughed out loud, "You sound like a nerd. That's our baby, Edward."

"Yeah…our baby."

**A/N: I got this chapter up for Christmas, which was my goal. I hope to post the next one by New Years' but considering that I have nearly 40 hours at work this week….maybe January 2. Review please! That is all I want for Christmas ;)**


	16. Baby Joy

**A/N: Thank you everyone for the reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I did get an iPad for Christmas ;) How was your holiday season? **

**BPOV**

August brought in a slew of activity. Not just for Edward and I, but for Rosalie and Emmett as they prepared for the arrival of their baby. Rosalie wasn't going to Mommy Yoga classes with me as often anymore, being too tired. When she wasn't off of her feet resting, she was helping Emmett finish up the nursery and baby proof the house as much as they needed to.

This meant that Edward and I had a chance to catch up with Alice and Jasper more than we had been able in the last few months. Alice would come over a couple times a week to my office and we would go out for lunch, or she and Jasper would visit for dinner. We offered to go to their apartment to make it easier for them, but seeing as it was so tiny, they declined.

As the summer drew to a close, Edward became increasingly busier at work. His father would be going away in October to attend a weekend conference out in Chicago for the end of the company's quarter to discuss the various branches. Edward would be left in charge like he had been in the past for those few days.

"Do you have to go in that Saturday?" I asked him at dinner one evening. We had ordered out Chinese tonight, neither one of us willing to cook after the week that had just ended.

"I may have to go in for a half a day of work, but you can come in with me if you have anything you need to get done." Edward offered.

"No, I don't have much on Saturdays that I bring home with me. I might use that day to go through the second bedroom and decide where we're putting the baby furniture."

Edward reached over in the space between us to place his hand on my bump. It wasn't much of a bump, but I was definitely showing now. "Maybe I'll just stay home and help you. I can work from home."

"If you need to go in, you should go in." I chided him for trying to skip out on the office.

I won the conversation by default. Edward was slowly learning you don't try and argue with a pregnant woman.

Over the next couple weeks not much was required of me at the publishing firm. Kate was away on vacation for a couple weeks so she wouldn't lose the time or the pay. I basically kept her things organized and kept up with the slew of friendly emails she sent me asking how everything was. A few new manuscripts came in, so I browsed the first couple chapters of each and made reports for her. I emailed Kate asking if she wanted them, but she requested only my notes and told me to keep up the great work.

With the free time I had I worked more on my novel. I had let Edward read the prologue and the first chapter, mostly because they weren't as telling as the rest of it. I wasn't planning on letting him read any more of it until it was finished.

I had finally found a story to create, and I wanted it to be as near perfect as possible when I made the decision ton submit it. Of course, submitting it to this office was a last choice. I was a little embarrassed, don't ask me why, I don't know. In the beginning my plan had been to write it and hopefully be asked to stay on as an author. But I had changed my mind in the course of the last six months.

I was just adding some finishing thoughts to the fourth chapter when my email pinged. It was from Edward's cell phone. Funny, I hadn't felt it vibrate in my purse. Oh right, because it was on silent.

_Bella, _

_Hope your day is going well. Exciting news, Rosalie is two weeks early. Emmett has taken her over to the hospital. He'll call everyone when its time. But right now Rose has only just started contractions. I'll see you later. Love you, and take care. _

_Edward 3_

He added a little heart at the end. But oh my God, Rose was in labor. I knew I couldn't leave right now, but I wanted to call Emmett to see how everything was going. He probably wouldn't answer his phone right now. I emailed Edward back quickly from my cell phone.

_That's great news! I hope everything is ok. Keep me posted. I'll leave early if I have to. Love you too, we both do. _

_Bella 3_

I sent back the little heart he had sent me. It made me smile as I pressed 'Send'.

For the rest of the afternoon I didn't hear back from Edward, so I assumed everything was all right. More likely moving at a glacial pace, and I felt sympathy for Rose. It would be my turn soon enough.

Edward had dinner ready when I got home around 5:30. Chicken Parmesan tonight. My stomach snarled at the smell.

"How's everything at the hospital? I asked as I kicked off my shoes by the door and left my small briefcase by the coat stand.

"Progressing slowly. The last time I checked in with Emmett Rose's contractions were still a little more than an hour apart and only about twenty seconds long. I didn't ask about anything else."

"She's probably going to be one of those all-day labors. I can only imagine what she's going through right now."

"Em said it 's not so bad right now. Rosalie is a soldier, she's toughing it out. She doesn't want any pain killers."

"I'm going to be a wimp." I admitted as I sat down. Edward placed a steaming plate in front of me then kissed me in greeting. "How was your day?" I asked as I dug in.

"Busy, my dad is all over everyone's ass. Including mine. We have to have everything ready for the October meeting done by the end of September so that everything he brings with him is as up to date as possible."

"I can understand that. But it sounds like he needs to calm down a little. Maybe take a vacation."

"He is, in a couple weeks. He always takes one of his weeks before this Chicago meeting so he's collected and focused for it."

"That's smart. Did you happen to pick up on that trait?"

"You want to go on another vacation?" Edward asked me, flashing a teasing smile.

"Maybe, but not right now. Maybe another weekend getaway soon."

"I'm sure we can manage something."

Around eight that evening we got a call from Emmett saying that everyone should come over to the hospital since the baby was expected within the hour. Edward and I were the last to arrive. Rose's mom and younger sister were waiting upstairs and Edward's parents were downstairs waiting for us. Alice and Jasper were already here, picking up a gift in the shop across the hall. I had ordered a small bouquet of flowers this afternoon and asked for them to be delivered tomorrow since we didn't know when the baby would actually arrive.

Esme and Carlisle asked me every question I could imagine about how my pregnancy was progressing while we waited. I told them everything was perfectly fine. The baby was kicking more now, but it was still faint. Esme was eager to feel for herself, reminiscing over her own memories of Emmett, Edward, and Alice. Edward sat holding my hand just smiling at my bump.

A little after nine Emmett came rushing into the waiting room with a huge smile on his face.

"I'm a dad." He grinned broadly. Rose's mom rushed up to hug him and then made her way down the hall to the room.

"Grandson or granddaughter?" Esme asked excitedly, as she pulled two different pairs of baby booties from a small bag she had brought with her.

"Grandson, Jason Thomas Cullen. Seven pounds, seven ounces, nineteen inches. Big baby. And he looks just like me."

"I'll bet he does." Jasper chuckled. "But you know what this means, right?"

"What?" Emmett asked as he received more hugs from the rest of the family.

"That if you have a girl next, she'll be just like Rosalie."

Emmett may have actually looked a little scared for a moment, but he brushed it off. Edward and I got up last. Alice and Jasper gave Emmett the little teddy they had picked out downstairs. It had a star patches on its feet and a yellow ribbon around its neck.

"It's as neutral as we could get." Alice admitted.

"Thanks, sis. It's adorable." Emmett wrapped his sister up in a huge hug, lifting her off her feet.

"I want to see my little nephew."

"As soon as Rose and her mom are done on the phone. I promised Elaine she could go in first so Rose's dad would have a chance to see the baby without all of the commotion."

"How's he doing?" I asked, wanting to know.

"Not good. The whole family expected last Christmas to be his last, but it looks like this year." Emmett frowned. Apparently he had gotten to know Rosalie's father well in the short time that he and Rose had been married. "We're glad he made it this long to see the baby.

"Can I ask a delicate question, and you don't have to answer it if you don't want to?"

"Go ahead,"

"How come he's not in Hospice?"

"He wants to be at home with his family. They have a live-in nurse who takes of him."

I nodded in understanding.

When we all walked in to see Rose, she was sitting up in bed with little Jason snuggled in her arms fast asleep. She was cooing over him, playing with his tiny fingers as they wrapped and unwrapped around her pinkie.

"He's so beautiful, Rose." I sat down on the edge of the bed. Everyone else gathered around. Esme started taking pictures as much as she could. Rose handed Jason off to Emmett first. He kissed his tiny son on the forehead and then gently placed him in Esme's arms.

"He really does look just like you, Emmett." Edward admitted. "Hopefully he won't act like you, too." Edward earned a playful punch in the shoulder for that one. "Congrats," He gave his older brother a one-armed hug, which Emmett returned.

Esme continued to take pictures as Carlisle held Jason next. Alice cooed and cooed over her new little nephew. He slept through the whole thing, making only tiny noises every few seconds as he dreamed his little dreams.

Jason was placed in my arms last for the night. Edward sat beside me as much as he could on the hospital bed. Rosalie was comfortably curled up against her pillows, so there was a little room. Edward made quiet noises at his nephew. I had never held a baby before, and I was nervous at first that I would drop him. But Jason felt very sturdy in my arms. This wasn't as frightening as I thought it would be.

"Makes you want the baby now, doesn't it?" Rose asked as she watched us.

"I don't know about that." I laughed quietly.

"Don't rush it. The experience is well worth the wait, but enjoy the moments you have now. It'll be over before you know it."

"Christmas baby," Edward whispered to me.

"Christmas baby," I whispered back.

After dozens of pictures had been taken with the entire Cullen family we all left so Rose and Emmett could get some sleep. Jason was taken to the nursery for the remainder of the evening. Rose would get to see him again in the morning.

"It does kind of make me want the baby now." Edward admitted as we walked out.

"Don't rush it." I warned him, repeating Rosalie's words. "I don't want this to end too soon."

Edward placed his hand on my bump just as our little baby moved inside me. "Me either,"

**A/N: Short chapter this time around. My job has been keeping me crazy busy the last couple weeks. This is the only time of year I am guaranteed 40 hours/week. But thankfully this week is the last of it and we are back to normal operating hours. (sigh of relief). I go back to campus on the 21, and classes start the next day. Yeah for me! No seriously, yeah for me. College is a vacation compared to working retail. **


	17. Unexpected

**A/N: Super long one for you to make up for the shorties and my lack of updating.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight but I found the coolest tape dispenser today. A black stiletto. **

**EPOV**

Bella was scheduled to go in for her third trimester ultrasound around the beginning of October. She was well rounded now, but not as round as she would be come December. I couldn't wait for her big belly. Every time I mentioned it, though, Bella thought I was calling her fat. I knew it was her hormones blowing everything out of proportion, so I didn't worry too much. She was still as beautiful as the day I collided with her in Barnes and Noble a year ago.

"I can't believe all of this happened in one year." Bella stroked her stomach gently as we sat waiting to be called in for our appointment.

"Me either. We should go out tonight and celebrate."

Bella nodded enthusiastically. "We should. Back to the same restaurant as our first date?"

"If that's what you want?"

"It is," Bella leaned over and pressed a kiss to my lips.

We were called in a minute later, much to Bella's relief. She had been dying to use the bathroom since we left and she wasn't allowed until the appointment was over. It went as we were used to. Dr. Green took measurements and recorded our baby's progress. We watched her point out the head, feet, and hands. Again we declined to know the sex. Then we listened to the little heartbeat. This was always my favorite part. It was reassurance that this was all real. That in just over eight weeks we would have a tiny little baby all our own.

"I'm putting you on bed rest for the remainder of her gestation, Bella, just as a precaution. Finish out the week at work if you want, but starting Saturday you are on strict bed rest for eight weeks."

"Great…" Bella deadpanned from where she was lying on the chair.

After dinner we returned to the apartment and cuddled in bed. I watched Bella sleep for a good twenty minutes before exhaustion finally sucked me under. I fell asleep with my hand resting firmly on her belly.

The next morning I went in to work a little early to start getting my own paperwork organized for my father. He would be leaving next weekend and the entire office was in an uproar getting the various presentations finalized and perfected for corporate.

I was about to call Bella and ask her if she wouldn't mind me coming home for lunch, when there was a knock on my office door. My dad stood there looking around my space for a moment.

"How was Bella's appointment yesterday?"

"Good, we have a little over eight weeks to go."

"She's doing fine?"

"Yes, she's great."

It was then I knew he was here to ask me a question I didn't want him to ask.

"If you don't feel comfortable with this, you don't have to do it. But I want you to go to Chicago this year and make the presentations. I think you're ready."

I let out a breath. This was a huge responsibility he was giving me, and not because he was incapable this year of doing it, but he felt that I was ready to take on more of his role. Which would be mine the day he retired.

"Think about it and let me know at the end of the day today. I'm buying the plane ticket and booking the hotel, so I would need to put your name on everything."

"I will," I promised.

I called Bella anyway to let her know how my day had been going and I asked her what she had been up to. She was catching up on all of the books she had been meaning to read for months, but never had the time for. She sounded relaxed, and a little bored.

I neglected to mention my father's request for now, wanting to talk with her about it face to face, but that wasn't going to happen since he needed a decision within the next four hours.

I ate lunch at my desk as I thought it over and looked over the itinerary for the weekend. It was a bunch of presentations along with the actual conference where different companies from the area would be coming offering workshops. I would have to attend the corporate meeting at the same time across the street from the hotel. It wasn't that impossible, but I wanted to stay with Bella.

When my father asked me to be the one to fly to Chicago for the weekend conference I was about two seconds away from telling him no. I needed to be here. Right now was a critical time for Bella, anything could happen. Not that anything had happened in the last five months, but it still made me uncomfortable to consider leaving her alone, even if only for a few days.

In the end Bella was the one to practically push me out of the apartment, as much as she could from where she was lying in bed. I was holding firm to what our doctor had ordered, and Bella was staying off her feet as much as possible. It meant that she was no longer going in to work at the publishing firm, but I don't think Kate minded. She emailed Bella constantly wanting to know how things were, and she sent her some work but not tons.

So Friday afternoon I flew out to Chicago, arriving in the evening when I called Bella as soon as I was allowed to use my cell phone. I checked in on her and asked if everything was all right. Alice and Jasper were over making dinner and keeping her company.

After I told her I loved her for what felt like the millionth time I hung up and stood to grab my carry on from the bin over my head. I checked into my hotel within the hour and ordered room service for dinner. The conference would be held in one of the large rooms downstairs, and it was going to be two days of presentations on the economy and how today's businesses can successfully stay afloat while expanding and broadening their horizons.

Traditionally my father did this and he would take my mother with him so they could have a weekend getaway, but this year he felt that I was ready to take on this responsibility since it would become my job when he was no longer working.

On top of the conference, I also had to be across the street tomorrow afternoon in the office building for a meeting with the president of our Chicago branch at 3. It was a meeting that would likely last till after five, and I knew they would want to end the night with going out for dinner.

I rehashed all of this to Bella as I sat on my bed picking at the burger and fries I had ordered for dinner. I really had no appetite without her near me.

"Don't worry about me, Edward. I'm fine. Alice is spending the night tonight, and your mother is coming over in the morning. I want you to focus on what you need to do there. Your family is taking good care of me."

"I know, I just…" My voice trailed off. I didn't want to say I missed her although I did with every beat of my heart.

"I miss you, too, Edward. More than you know. And I love you so much."

"I love you, too, Bella. I can't wait to see you Sunday night."

"Same, have a good night, Edward. Call me tomorrow night, tell me about your day."

"I will. I love you, Bella."

"Love you, too, Edward. Goodnight,"

"Good night,"

I hesitated a moment longer before finally hanging up, my heart feeling so heavy as I set my phone down beside me. I managed to finish my burger and fries and downed the rest of the beer I had taken from the mini fridge while watching some mindless sitcom on cable.

After cleaning up a bit from dinner I decided to soak under a hot shower to see if it would help me relax. The whole time as I stood there under the spray I thought of Bella and what she was doing, how she was feeling. Would she be able to sleep tonight? I knew I wouldn't. I was bound to wake up tomorrow morning with severe bags under my eyes.

I went through my nightly routine of brushing my teeth and such mindlessly, finally climbing into bed sometime close to midnight, but it was only ten on the west coast where Bella was, probably sitting up and talking baby themes with Alice.

Since we didn't know the gender, and wouldn't know until the baby was born we had decided to keep the nursery as neutral as possible. Bella was still deciding color and theme. I was sure that would keep her busy all weekend. We only had eight weeks to go now.

I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and made sure the alarm was set for 6 AM, then I began scrolling through my photos, stopping at one of Bella and I taken just last week. Her baby bump was clearly visible under the loose peasant blouse she was wearing, one hand cradling it gently, with mine on top of it, the other wrapped around my shoulders. We were both smiling brightly up at the camera as I took the picture.

It was only two days. I could handle two days away from her. Everything would be all right. I kept repeating this over and over in my mind as I slowly fell asleep. But I just couldn't shake the feeling that something was going to happen.

I woke up to my alarm blaring next to me, and thanks to the fitful sleep I had only managed a few hours of rest. I took another hot shower to wake myself up and dressed in a fresh suit for the day. I sent Bella a quick good morning text as I headed out of my room, folders in hand.

Breakfast was being served in the banquet hall since the conference had doubled in size this year compared to last. I didn't have much of an appetite and grabbed some coffee and a croissant off the buffet table set up then walked out off to find the room where the presentations were being held.

"Hey, Cullen, I'm surprised to see you here."

I turned around from where I had been staring through the door at the auditorium like room being set up now with hundreds of chairs. I recognized the face, but couldn't put a name to him. He worked for one of my father's partners from New York and I had seen him in Seattle a handful times, other than that I wasn't really acquainted with him.

"Doesn't your old man usually attend this?"

"Sorry," I held my hand out to him, "I don't really remember your name."

"Peter, I know. That's why I used your last name, couldn't remember yours either. But it just came to me as you were turning around."

We shared a quiet chuckle between us as I nodded in answer to his question. "Yeah, my dad usually handles this, but he wanted me to go this year. Said I was ready for the responsibility." I sipped my coffee.

"Anything interesting happening on the west coast? You settled down yet?"

I felt a small grin stretch my lips and toyed with my phone in my pocket. "Well, yes and no. I'm engaged, but we're expecting in two months so the wedding is on hold."

Peter clapped my shoulder. "Good for you, man. What's her name?"

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and clicked it to bring up the picture on the lock screen. It was the same one of Bella and I that I had been looking at last night. "Isabella," I answered him showing Peter the picture.

"Wow, she's beautiful. Do you know what you two are having?"

"No, we want it to be a surprise."

"Good for you," Peter repeated himself, patting my shoulder again. "And here I was always thinking you were the type to marry first then have kids."

"Well," I smiled shyly to myself, "It was unexpected."

"It always is. When Charlotte got pregnant only a few months after we married we immediately thought we weren't ready. But as soon as little Violet arrived it was like a flip got switched in my head. Fatherhood is a totally new life, and you're going to do great."

"Thanks, I appreciate that. We're both really nervous."

"Don't worry too much, everything will be fine." Peter glanced into the room as did I and we noticed that everyone was beginning to fill in the seats. "We should probably get in there just to get this shit over with. I hate these things."

"Me too," I muttered, stuffing my phone back into my pocket. The sooner this got started the sooner it would all be over and I could finish up this weekend and go home to my fiancée.

The presentation stopped around 1 for lunch, and I grabbed a sandwich and some iced tea, deciding to sit in the large room by myself so I could think over what I had seen this morning and put it together for my dad. That was going to be my project for the flight home.

Half an hour later the presentations started again, but I could only sit for an hour since I had to be across the street at 3, and still had no clue where in the building I needed to be.

"Hi, this is Edward Cullen. I'm attending a meeting today with Garret Martin, can you tell me what floor his office is located on?" I asked the woman who picked up.

"Ten, sir. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"No, thank you." I hung up quickly and put my phone away. I was already walking out of the presentations as I had made the call. I had fifteen minutes to get across the street, plenty of time.

I felt the beginnings of a migraine coming on just as I walked in. I still had ten minutes before I needed to be upstairs, so I quickly ducked back out and went next door to the Starbucks I had seen and grabbed a very large coffee.

As I stepped off the elevator a few minutes later on the tenth floor I was already half way done with my mocha cappuccino, my headache slowly fading to the background.

"Hey, Edward." Garrett greeted me as he walked out of his office, offering his hand. I noticed he was holding a coffee as well. I guess it was just that kind of day. Having to come in to work on a Saturday does suck.

"Hey, sorry my dad couldn't make it."

"No, I understand. I'm glad he sent you, though, someone competent."

"Thanks," I half laughed as I shook his hand in response. "Someone had to do it."

"Well, like I said. Come on in, we're just about to get started." He waved me toward the large room in the corner where six other members of the company were seated around a long table. "Everyone this Carlisle Cullen's son, Edward, he's filling in for his father." Garrett announced as we walked in.

I took a seat at the end of the table and pulled out my folders from my bag. The meeting got under way shortly after. We were discussing how the quarter was going so far and our future plans for expansion to the east coast. I was actually excited to discuss this expansion, knowing how beneficial it would be for the company, but I also wanted to talk to my father about a possible transference if this expansion went through.

We were about an hour or so into the meeting when there was a knock on the door interrupting my current statement about what the company could do to increase profits for the second quarter.

A rather tall blonde poked her head in the room with a sympathetic smile, "Mr. Martin, there's a call for Mr. Cullen on line one."

"Can it wait five minutes?" I asked the young woman.

"No, it's your father. He said it's an emergency."

Only one thing went through my mind as the sentence left her mouth. _Bella_.

"Edward, are you all right?" Garrett asked, seeing the obvious blanching of my face.

"Excuse me, I'll be right back." I muttered and rushed from the room. I grabbed the phone from the young secretary panting as I spoke. "What's wrong, what happened?"

"Bella started bleeding, Edward, we're taking her to the ER now."

"God…" I moaned, leaning on to the high counter of the reception desk.

"It's only light bleeding, but she's also having some contractions. They may need to operate."

My head was spinning with all of the details my father was giving me, and also with the knowledge that I had no way of getting home.

"Edward, I already called the airport and requested a jet for you. If you leave now it should get you here within an hour."

"I'm leaving right now." I rushed out. "Tell Bella I'll be there, and that I love her."

"I will, be safe, son."

I hung up with my father, my breathing still coming in short pants. I looked back to the conference room, seven heads had turned and were watching me, waiting for me to walk back in.

"Mr. Cullen would you like a glass of water?" Garrett's secretary asked me.

"No, thank you. I'm fine," I lied. In truth I was anything but. My heart was hammering in my chest and my head was spinning. I walked back to the conference room as composed as possible. "I'm sorry, but I need to go." I announced quietly as I walked in. "I have a family emergency."

"Of course, Edward. Please, take care of everything. I'll finish up here." Garrett was already standing to take my place at the front of the room as I gathered my jacket and bag.

I barely made pleasantries as I rushed out and back across the street to the hotel. The elevator couldn't climb fast enough to my floor. Once inside my room I tossed everything into my one suitcase and scrambled back downstairs to check out and get a cab to O'Hare.

The jet was on standby when I arrived and ready to go thanks to my dad and his large company budget. I owed him big time for this. I called him again as soon as we were in the air asking for an update.

"Bella's been admitted and they're doing a few tests right now. The bleeding stopped, but she is still having contractions. I don't know anything else. They won't let us in the room right now."

"Is she ok, though?" I asked, my voice trembling at the end. "Is the baby…" I couldn't bear to think about it.

"Right now she's fine, but the doctor told us they may need to operate tonight depending on how the tests pan out. Just get back here, Edward, and don't worry about anything else."

"Easier said than done, dad. I feel totally helpless right now."

"Calm down, Edward. If anything happens I will call you right away, you have my word."

"Thank you, I'll be there soon."

I hung up and slumped back in the seat, highly tempted to ask the lone flight attendant for a stiff drink, but I couldn't. I needed to be clear headed right now. Bella needed me and I was going to be there no matter what.

Within an hour the jet was landing at Sea-Tac. I was beyond jumpy as it taxied to the gate, my knee bouncing almost uncontrollably. The moment the flight attendant told me I was cleared to leave I thanked her and rushed up the private tunnel coming out at the front of the gates and made my way quickly to the exit attempting to not draw too much attention to myself.

My car was parked in long term, but I didn't have the time to get to it. I hailed the first cab I could once I was outside and flung myself inside barely getting the door shut as I shouted for the driver to take me to Harborview Medical Center.

"Dad, I'm in the cab, I'm on my way. How is she?"

"Edward, they're taking her into surgery. She started bleeding again, I was just about to call you."

"Oh God…is she…?"

"She's stable, but they need to operate. How soon will you be here?"

"Ten minutes," I answered, throwing the driver a harsh look. I was already planning on paying him double.

"Hurry, they're prepping her now."

I snapped my phone shut, unable to say anymore to my dad. I caught the driver staring at me in the mirror. He turned his eyes back to the road and continued maneuvering around other cars as he sped along the highway.

As soon as he pulled into the ER lot I thrust several bills at him and got out, not caring what I had given him. I just needed to get inside. My parents were already waiting in the sitting area, a nurse with them.

"Are you Edward?" She asked me, taking in my harried appearance and flushed face from all the rushing I had been doing over the last hour and a half.

"Yes, can I please see Bella?"

"Come with me, we need to hurry."

I gave both my parents a quick hug and left my jacket and bags with them. Esme was crying silently, my father's arm across her shoulders as he tried to comfort her. They both wished me luck and I followed the nurse down a couple hallways until we stopped outside a set of double doors. But she led me to an adjoining room and handed me a set of scrubs wrapped in plastic.

"I need you to please sterilize and put these on as quickly as possible, Bella is already prepped."

"How is she?" I asked as I washed my hands quickly and began yanking the sterile scrubs on, booties and all, over my clothes.

"She's stable, and the baby is fine. She began bleeding around 1 PM this afternoon, from what we were unable to determine, but once the bleeding stopped after your parents got her here, we began running some tests to find out what was wrong. However, she began bleeding again and her contractions were also getting worse. That's when Dr. Green told her surgery was unavoidable."

I finished getting the scrubs on and washed my hands while the nurse tied everything in the back. She then escorted me back towards the OR. "Take a deep breath before you go in there. It won't do you or any of the doctors any good if you're freaking out. It will stress Isabella out, and we need her as calm as possible. Right now she's a bit groggy from the medication, but you need to be calm, or you won't be able to stay in there."

"I understand." I mumbled through the mask I was wearing. I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. It didn't do much to calm me, but I did feel a little tension escape my body.

"Everything will be fine. Your parents got her here in time. She's safe, your baby is safe."

I nodded and we walked into the OR. Bella was lying on her back facing away from the door. There was a screen set up across her chest blocking our view of what was happening just beyond it. I really didn't want to see, but at the same time, I had to know our baby was safe.

I sat down in the chair next to her and took her hand in mine. "You're here," Bella whispered, a single tear escaping her eye and falling sideways. "I didn't think you would make it."

"I'm here, sweetheart. I told you I would be."

"Bella, we're going to start now." Dr. Green's voice said from the other side of the screen.

I watched Bella nod and take a deep breath. Another nurse was on her other side monitoring her vital signs and the medication they had her on to numb her. She reached out and took Bella's other hand rubbing the back of it with her thumb.

"Everything will be ok." She promised.

Bella could only nod as she shut her eyes and a few more tears rolled down her cheeks. I sat there staring into her eyes, whispering to her how much I loved her. I couldn't do anything else, but deep down I knew it was all right. It was all she needed to hear right now.

"You're doing great, Bella." called over to us a bit later. I had no idea how long I had been sitting there for. I was doing my best to ignore the mumblings and narrations from the other side of the screen. My heart was still hammering in my chest, each beat pounding more than the last, battering against my rib cage.

Minutes later we heard the sound we had been waiting for. There was a small gasp and then suddenly shrill crying filled the operating room. "You have a daughter," Dr. Green announced joyfully.

Bella began crying all over again beside me. I wiped her tears away as best I could while we waited to see our baby for the first time. "I'm so proud of you." I whispered as I kissed her forehead. "So proud of you,"

A nurse came over with this tiny blanket wrapped bundle a minute later placing the baby close enough for Bella to touch. I gazed down into the two squinty little eyes of my newborn daughter, still crying loudly. She definitely had good lungs.

"Oh, Edward, she's so beautiful." Bella cried as she watched from an angle as the nurses finished cleaning her off and took measurements.

"She is, and she's ours." I kissed Bella's forehead again, stroking her cheek.

We got to see our daughter one more time for a few seconds before she was whisked away upstairs to neonatal care. I sat with Bella, murmuring to her over and over that I loved her, that I was so proud of her. As soon as Dr. Green finished, Bella was wheeled out of the OR. I was escorted out by the same nurse who had walked me in. she had me wash up all over again and take the scrubs off before I was allowed to get back to Bella.

I was desperate to be with her, but I had to let my family know the news first. Now that our baby was here and safe, and Bella was safe I felt a great weight lift off my shoulders and I could breathe normally again.

Carlisle, Esme, and the rest of my family that had turned up in the hour that I had been in the OR with Bella were sitting in the waiting room off the maternity ward. I walked in and immediately my mother stood along with my father and Alice.

"I'm a dad." I rushed out, a huge smile breaking over my face. Alice rushed over to me crying and laughing and threw her arms around my neck. It took me a moment to continue with the good news as I went from family member to family member hugging and kissing and receiving 'congrats' and back pats.

"Do we have a grandson or a…granddaughter?" Esme asked as she choked on a few stray sobs, wiping her face with a tissue.

"Granddaughter," I confirmed, the smile still in place. "And she's beautiful, mom. She's upstairs right now, and hopefully Bella and I will be able to go up and see her in a bit, but I don't know when you guys can. We'll take a few pictures if we can."

"Oh please," Esme begged, actually jumping on her feet a bit. "I want to see my new grandbaby."

I hugged everyone once more and headed back down the maternity ward to Bella's room that the nurse in the OR had told me she would be going to. I knocked once and heard a voice call, "One minute please," so I waited outside until the door opened.

Dr. Green walked out with a small smile on her face. "You can go in, I was just checking her stitches."

"Thank you for everything."

"You're more than welcome, I'll come get you two in a bit when you can go upstairs."

I thanked her one more time then headed into the room. Bella was half sitting up in the bed, her eyes drowsy. I could tell she was ready to pass out, but I knew she was staying awake just so she could see our daughter one more time.

"Hey," I sat down next to her taking her hand in mine and leaned over to kiss her. "I'm so proud of you."

"She's really here?" Bella asked, her voice thicker than before. The medication was definitely having an effect.

"She's really here, Bella. We have a little girl." I smiled at her. I know I couldn't believe it.

The day Bella told me she couldn't get pregnant because of her condition broke my heart, but I didn't tell her that. I could see myself settling down with this girl, having a family. But I was thankful she had told me before we made any big decisions in those early days… One year ago.

And then only a couple months after our first Christmas together Bella told me she was pregnant, and damn if I hadn't been planning to propose to her a week earlier. It was the most glorious day of my life. And then that perfect little moment was shattered ten weeks after that when Bella miscarried one of the twins that we later found out she had been carrying. It was only a day before we had been scheduled to go in for our first ultrasound.

"I can't believe we have a baby, Edward."

"Neither can I. It's been a journey."

"I wouldn't change any of it."

We sat there in comfortable silence, just staring into each other's eyes as we conveyed everything we were feeling without actually speaking. We didn't need to, not at this point. Bella was slowly falling asleep, and I knew she was going to be upset if she didn't get to see our daughter one more time.

Luckily just then there was a knock at the door and Dr. Green stuck her head in to ask if we were ready to go upstairs. She and another nurse wheeled Bella out to the elevator, me at her side, and we headed up to the neonatal center one floor above us.

They wheeled Bella over to a small area where other mothers were sitting with their babies in hospital beds. I sat down in the chair beside her as Dr. Green helped Bella to sit up very slowly. When she winced in obvious pain, I took her hand, but her face relaxed a moment later and she reclined back against the large pillow.

The nurse returned a minute later carrying a very tiny, pink wrapped bundle in her arms, which she very gently placed in Bella's. I watched her face as she stared down at our daughter fully for the first time. It was a beautiful moment, seeing the awe and the love radiating off of Bella as she took in the feeling of holding her baby girl. A baby she never thought she would have.

"She's perfect," Bella cooed, holding our daughter's tiny hand. She reached over to place her in my arms. I stood up so I could receive her more easily then sat back down. So this was what this felt like. I stared down at the peaceful sleeping face of my baby girl, watching her thin eyelids flutter. Her tiny little fingers grasped the edge of her blanket loosely.

"She's beautiful." I whispered, overwhelmed with emotion bubbling up inside me, filling me up from the bottom until it reached my heart and exploded outward to the rest of my body.

"Are you crying?" Bella asked quietly. And I hadn't realized I was until I felt her hand wipe away some moisture from my face. Bella sniffed beside me and I knew she was crying, too. "It's ok, Edward. She's here, she's safe."

"I know, but I thought I was going to lose you both."

Bella reached over and wrapped her hand around my head to bring me closer to her and kissed my temple. "We're both here. This is real." She whispered reassuringly. "I love you, Edward."

"I love you, too." I responded immediately, looking up at her. My throat was thick with emotion, making my voice crack slightly. "And I love you, my little princess." I whispered to the still sleeping baby in my arms. I leaned down and kissed her soft forehead very gently. "I love you so much."

**A/N: I hope I didn't make too many of you cry. Leave me a review!**


	18. Family Life

**A/N: Thank you everyone for the response on the last chapter. Sorry I made some of you cry. I made myself cry while I was writing it. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Nuff' said**

**BPOV**

I woke up the morning after the surgery feeling groggy and very sore. At first as my eyes opened I forgot for a moment where I was, but then I saw Edward fast asleep on the couch in my room. The events from the previous night came flooding back as I tried to sit up slowly. The ache in my abdomen only served to remind me that my baby was no longer inside me.

She was here. She was safe.

Last night had been as unexpected as I could imagine. I knew as soon as Edward told me that he had been asked to go to Chicago that something was going to happen while he was away. But I had never expected to have to have surgery because the life of our baby was in peril. Everything had been going so well for me medically since May that I had stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Strangely, though, I didn't panic last night. As soon as I started feeling pain last night I had Alice call the hospital. Dr. Green requested I come in as soon as possible. As soon as Alice got off the phone that was when I started spotting. I knew if I panicked it would only make the situation worse.

I spent a little over thirty minutes having tests done as soon as we arrived in the emergency room, and during that time my bleeding stopped. But it started again as soon my blood work came back. I was prepped and rushed into surgery. Everything felt so surreal to me that I couldn't fully contemplate what was happening. The nurses talking over me said they had given me medication for pain and for surgery, and that my fiancé had been contacted and would be as soon as he could be.

Fear had never had a chance to sink in, in the beginning. But as soon as I wheeled into the operating room I felt the full force of it press down on me and I couldn't breathe. This was really happening. My baby was in danger. I wanted Dr. Green to start, but at the same time I couldn't do this without Edward beside me.

I was starting to think he wouldn't make it, but then the doors opened and Edward walked in dressed in sterile scrubs with a mask over his mouth. The surgery happened quickly as far as I could remember. Edward sat beside me holding my hand the entire time. The next thing I knew I could a baby crying from the other side of the screen. And then I could see her. She was so beautiful. I had a moment to touch her and see her for real before she was whisked away upstairs.

Edward didn't let my hand go as Dr. Green stitched me up. Then I was being wheeled back to my room and everything was being checked. Edward returned a few minutes later, now dressed in his suit. I was so groggy from the pain meds now everything was starting to feel fuzzy and blurred. I just wanted to see my little baby girl again before I passed out. I willed myself to stay awake just a little longer, a little bit longer.

Dr. Green returned and took Edward and I upstairs. I was sitting up as much as I could without it being painful. She wheeled me into a private bay and pulled the curtains around for privacy. And then I saw my little baby being carried over. She was placed in my arms for the first time. Feeling the light weight of her, seeing her tiny face, her itty fingers. I started to cry, and so did Edward.

She was really here. She was really ours.

"I love you," Edward whispered, and I knew he was talking to both our baby and to me.

All of last night felt like a dream from a distant lifetime ago. But it wasn't. Seeing Edward passed out on the couch reminded me of that just as much as my sore body did.

I didn't want to wake him, he obviously needed the rest as much as I did. The last thing I remember from last night was Edward taking a quick picture of him and I and the baby nestled between us. He sent it out to his family so they could all see we were safe. He got back a ton of immediate responses. Everyone was still downstairs. They couldn't come in last night, but had promised to come by today as soon as possible.

Edward's eyes fluttered and opened slowly. When he saw me he smiled and sat up, stretching a little.

"Rough night?"

He chuckled to himself and got up, walking over to my bed so he could kiss me. "Understatement. I'm not even going to tell you how scared I was."

"I never really had a chance to feel scared last night. It all happened so fast."

"Last night felt like an eternity for me."

I cradled his head to my shoulder and stroked his hair. I could tell he still needed reassurance that I was here, that our baby was here, and everyone was safe. I know he never expected this for this his life, but I also he would never trade it for anything. I knew he loved me enough that he would never ask for anything different, or for this to happen any other way.

"When do we get to go upstairs and see her again?" he asked as he pulled back and sat down in the chair next to my bed.

I shrugged. "I have no idea. Some time this morning I would guess."

There was a knock on the door and Dr. Green popped her head in. "Good morning. I just wanted to look at your stitches again before I left for the day."

"You've been here all night?" I asked, although I knew doctors and nurses served overnight shifts, but I suspected Dr. Green had come in last night because she was OB/GYN, not because she had been on shift.

"I wanted to stay and monitor both you and your baby. She's doing wonderful upstairs. You'll get to see her again after breakfast. And I have your paperwork to fill out regarding her name."

"Ah, we haven't finalized that yet, have we?" Edward asked sheepishly. He helped me adjust myself so Dr. Green could examine my cut from last night. She said everything looked fine. She applied some ointment to it and re-dressed the wound for now.

"I'll have a nurse bring you both some breakfast and I'll get your paperwork. Talk about her name and I'll be right back.

We waited until Dr. Green left before turning to each other. "I know the original name we had picked for a girl was Emma, do you still want to stick with that?" I asked.

Edward actually shrugged. "I don't know. Seeing her and holding her now, she doesn't seem like an 'Emma' to me." He pulled out his phone and pulled up the picture from last night. "What do you think?"

I gazed at the picture from last night, staring at my little girl. He was right, looking at her face between ours, she didn't feel like an 'Emma'. This was going to be harder than I had expected.

"Alexandra," I said out loud. "Alexandra Renee, after my mother."

"I like that," Edward whispered. "I like that a lot. Alexandra Renee it is." He kissed the top of my head.

That was the name we filled out on the paperwork and had printed on her birth certificate as well as the pictures the hospital took of all newborns for the birth announcement. Later in the week when we received copies of the pictures to mail out to family, Alexandra had her eyes closed, peacefully sleeping.

Underneath her photograph was her full name, Alexandra Renee Cullen, Born October 19 2012, 9:35 PM, 3 lbs 4 o. 13 inches. Her head was small enough to fit in the palm of Edward's hand. She was delicate and fragile, but she was real. And the picture made that real for everyone around us. My only regret was that my parents were never going to be here to share this joy.

I was kept in the hospital for three days following the surgery to monitor the wound, and then I was released with a clean bill of health and a list on how to care for my wound at home. Alexandra would not be released for a few weeks. Her weight needed to increase, and the final steps of her development needed to complete before she could come home.

The day after I was released we returned to the hospital to visit our daughter and were told she had a slight heart murmur. It would fade as her development completed in the coming and it was nothing to be worried about. She also had developed very fine lanugo on her left shoulder. This would also fade in the coming weeks, and was very common among premature and newborn babies.

Edward's parents came to visit when they could. Only the parents and one visitor were allowed in the Neonatal care area at a time. Esme and Carlisle switched off on who came up first. Rose and Emmett stopped by a couple times, little Jason in tow. He was just over a month old now. Still tiny, and slept a lot. It was easy for them for now to bring him along, tucked up in a million blankets so he wouldn't get cold.

Thanksgiving came quickly, a little too quickly, and Edward and I were torn between spending it with his family or spending it in the hospital. In the end we spent the entire day with Alexandra and had dinner with Edward's family that night. We had a ton of pictures to show around to everyone. I held Alexandra in my arms for over an hour while rocking her in one of the rocking chairs in the sitting area. Edward changed her diaper for the first time. And we snapped as many pictures as we could. Her weight had gone up to 4 pounds and ten ounces. Dr. Green wanted her to weigh a solid 5 pounds before she would send her home, but she told us Alexandra's weight could fluctuate in the coming weeks.

It already had when she was born. Her weight dropped to 2 pounds and 8 ounces in the first week, but had gone right back up again to her birth weight within three days. The first two weeks were stressful. I visited everyday. I was on maternity leave until after the New Year. I hadn't even been with the firm a year yet and they granted me a very generous leave, with pay. I took it as a good sign that they wanted me to stay on permanently after I returned to work.

Edward returned to his office within a week of Alexandra's birth. He proudly passed her first picture with all of the information on it. Flowers and gift baskets arrived at out apartment every other day. Mostly from Edward's coworkers congratulating us on a healthy baby. Some were from his family, but they mostly came by to cook meals for us and take care of the apartment and my cat, Smee.

I knew Smee was going to be good with the baby. He was a very mellow cat and had adjusted to well to the move from my apartment to the one I now lived in with Edward, and soon our daughter as well. We had discussed buying a house some time down the road. But it wasn't going to happen for months. Probably not even until right around the time we had decided to marry. Which was still set for some time in the spring. We just hadn't set an official date yet.

By the second week of December Alexandra's weight had reached 5 pounds, but it was still fluctuating. Dr. Green promised she would be home for Christmas, and so I gave Alice the go-ahead to decorate the apartment and to decorate Alexandra's room. Edward and I had been putting in the work to finish painting and setting up the furniture. Because Alexandra had been born early we were able to settle on a theme rather easily. Butterflies.

We painted the nursery pale lavender in color and decorated it with a butterfly border, decals, and curtains. Her furniture was all white, including the rocking chair which we sponge painted butterflies on to. Her little lamp had butterflies on it. Even the sheets and padded mattress on the dressing table were all butterflies.

To decorate it for Christmas, Alice went out and found string dragonfly lights that she hung around the room. The lights were very muted and she kept them away from the crib. They provided a soft glow of light which was both comforting and helpful should we need to run in there in the middle of the night. I knew as soon as I saw them they were never coming down. They added that extra touch to the nursery.

Alice made up a 'Welcome Home' banner to hang on the wall over Alexandra's crib. She made it Christmas themed and even hung ribbons on her crib. I almost cried when I saw it. At the time when Alice finished Alexandra would be home in a little over a week.

Emmett picked out a Christmas tree for us, and he, Rose, Alice, and Jasper decorated it. It was so nice to come home to the night before Alexandra was due to come home and have everything set up for her arrival. Not that she would notice or even remember any of it. But the work Edward's family put in to everything made it so special.

His parents promised to be at the apartment when we arrived, cooking dinner. Christmas was only a few days away now. We checked out of the hospital around 2 in the afternoon. Alexandra was dressed in the Christmas onesie her Aunt Alice had picked out for her. She was wearing lacy newborn socks and had a red cap on her head. I was shocked when she was born and she had so much copper colored hair on her head. It poked out now from beneath the red cap keeping her head warm.

Edward had set up the car seat in his car since it was the only one we had. I had no intention of buying a car since I lived so close to my job, but come a few months down the road and we would probably need that second car.

I strapped Alexandra in securely then got in the back seat with her. Edward glanced back at us at every traffic light, a smile on his face. He was so happy and proud. He held every door for me, balancing the weight of the baby bag on his free shoulder. The ride up in the elevator was silent, both of us watching Alexandra as she slept.

The door to the apartment was left unlocked since Edward's parents were inside. Standing in the hallway, I could smell the stew Esme was cooking. It was comforting. She and Carlisle were waiting for us when we walked in and whispered a very happy 'Welcome Home'.

I noticed that the flowers that had arrived since Alexandra's birth had been artfully rearranged around the room and some of the furniture had been moved as well to make room for the rest of the family on Christmas. It had been agreed that the holiday would be celebrated here. Emmett and Rosalie didn't mind at all. They didn't live far away.

Edward stayed out in the living room with his dad while Esme and I went to lay Alexandra down in her crib. I left the carrier by the rocking chair and placed my baby girl down gently in her crib for the first time. She barely stirred at the movement, moaning only a little in her sleep. I took the baby monitor out into the living room with me and left the door cracked.

"I can't believe she's home." I said to Edward as I sat down on the couch next to him.

"Me either. The last two months have been so surreal to me."

"Its been surreal for us all." Esme noted. She brought out some snacks and drinks for everyone to share while we waited for dinner to finish.

Alexandra slept through the afternoon waking up just after Edward's parents left around six. Edward went in to check on her and changed her diaper. I took over to feed her. I wasn't breastfeeding only because Alexandra had grown accustomed to the bottle during her time in the hospital and I didn't want to interrupt that. But I was pumping breast milk so she would still receive all the nutrition her tiny body needed for development.

Edward stood behind the rocking chair watching Alexandra suck on her bottle. She was hungry this evening. He took over to burp her in between until all the milk in her little bottle was gone. We would gradually increase the amount of milk as she grew, but right now the bottle was so little it only held a few ounces of milk, which was all her stomach could take. I had to remember that everything about her tiny.

"She's amazing isn't she?" I asked, smoothing some of the copper hair on her head.

"She really is."

"I'm really glad she has your hair."

"And your eyes."

"She's perfect."

"She's ours."

Edward leaned down over the back of the chair and gently kissed Alexandra on her forehead. She moaned in her sleep and her eyes fluttered, but she didn't wake up.

"I love my girls so much."

"And we love you,"

**A/N: So like I said at the end of the last chapter, I am basing all of this off of my parents' own experience with me as a premature baby. I was ten weeks early and spent two months in an incubator until I weighed enough to go home. Any questions just ask them in a review, I will be more than happy to answer them. **


	19. Falling into Place

**A/N: Thank you everyone for your responses and support in the last chapter ;) I have been AWOL, I know. I've had some real sh*t happen in RL, and then moved back down to college for my last semester on campus. I have been trying to focus on this story, but all the drama going on, I can't. It's been a few weeks since the incident and my mind is clearer now so hopefully I can get back on track with this story and finish it for you all so we can move on to the next one. Please do not lose faith in me. I have not lost faith in this story. **

**Keep the love coming at the end **

**RT**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, just a super cool stiletto tape dispenser. **

**EPOV**

Alexandra came home a few days before Christmas, which gave Bella and I some time to adjust to a routine with her now in the apartment instead of the hospital. My parents came over the first few days to help us out as we got settled. I was unbelievably thankful for their presence since there were times those first few days having Alexandra home that I felt my doubts raising again.

Bella was nervous, too, I noticed. Especially when it came to picking Alexandra up from her crib and placing her back down again. She was always so gentle with our daughter, but I knew she was still afraid of handling such a tiny person.

When Christmas morning arrived, Bella and I were already up early taking care of Alexandra when my parents called to let us know they would over later in the morning, as well as the rest of my family. Rosalie and Emmett would come over some time in the afternoon once they were finished visiting Rose's family. She wanted her father to be able to spend as much time with his baby grandson as possible today since it was very likely this was his last Christmas with his family.

I got started on breakfast while Bella changed and fed Alexandra. She wasn't staying awake for more than a few hours at a time right now and would most likely be asleep again by the time my parents arrived.

"What's daddy making?" Bella cooed as she walked out into the kitchen. "It smells like pancakes."

I chuckled when I saw the little Christmas onesie Bella had dressed Alexandra in for the day. We had picked out a pretty little Christmas dress for her to wear this afternoon when all of my family was here.

"Pancakes with butterscotch chips. Thought I would try something different this morning."

"Oooh….does that sound good?" Bella cooed at our daughter. She sat down at the table and rested Alexandra in her bouncy chair so she was comfortably supported and leaning back. She clicked the strap shut and turned so she could see me. "Is that daddy?" Bella asked her, smiling. I loved the way she interacted with our daughter and it made me smile a mile wide whenever she said 'daddy'.

"I still can't believe she's actually here." I said, flipping pancakes.

"Me either," Bella had her hand wrapped around Alexandra's and was waving it back and forth. "Can I have one of her bottles in the fridge?" She asked.

I got it for her. "We can start to increase her milk soon, right?"

"In a couple weeks." Bella confirmed as she tested the bottle to make sure the milk was flowing before taking Alexandra from her chair and cradling her in her arms to feed her. "By the time she's six months old we can feed regular baby food and still keep her on the bottle."

I nodded as I flipped the pancakes onto a plate. I cut up some fruit as they cooled and put it in a bowl then brought everything over to the table. I made Bella a plate when I sat down. Alexandra was almost done with her bottle now, so I let Bella start eating while everything was fresh and I took over burping duties.

This was becoming routine in the morning. One parent would feed while the other made breakfast and then we switched for a few minutes. When Alexandra was done I strapped her back in to her bouncy chair and angled it so she could see both of us. I gave her one of the little stuffed toys Alice had bought for her, clipping it onto the bar over the chair so she would be entertained for a few minutes while Bella and I ate.

Alexandra was an extremely easy baby to care for, for now. She was easily entertained, she didn't fuss much, and didn't put up a fight when it came time to change her. She wasn't sleeping through the night yet, and wouldn't for some months. But she managed a solid five hours at night before waking up and needing a diaper change or a little milk.

Bella and I did everything together. We split the responsibilities between us, but were still playing a lot by ear. We would be learning for months and years to come. I learned the day she was born that this was not easy. I was worried about my daughter before she even came into the world. It was Emmett's joke that I wasn't going to allow her to date until she was thirty, which was pretty close to the truth.

After breakfast Bella cleared the plates while I checked Alexandra's diaper and put her down to sleep. I left her door cracked and made the sure the monitor next to her crib was switched on. We kept the curtains closed for now just so the room was dim and she would sleep peacefully in the muted light.

"I really hope your parents didn't spoil her." Bella sighed as we settled on the couch together.

"You should be more worried about Alice. She has 'Aunty Status' pretty bad."

"Trust me, I am worried." Bella sipped her coffee. She had gotten used to decaff when she was pregnant, but now that Alexandra was here she had switched to reduced caffeine and was still limiting her sugar intake.

"What time did your parents say they were getting here?" She asked setting her cup down on the coffee table.

"Late morning, early afternoon. Probably around lunch."

"Which one?"

"Lunch,"

"What do you have planned?"

"I was actually hoping my mother would take care of that. I'm sure she has some grand scheme in mind where it concerns meals today."

"I'm glad everyone decided to come here."

"I don't think they expect us to be leaving the apartment with Alexandra any time in the near future."

"Like, months." Bella joked. She sipped her coffee again and sighed, leaning over to rest her head on my shoulder. "So what did you get me for Christmas?"

"I'm not telling you."

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

"I thought we did that last night?" I teased.

Bella blushed, clearly remembering her enthusiasm from the previous night. As soon as that six-week mark came up after Alexandra had been born I may have gotten on Bella's case a little. But it didn't take much effort from me. She was just as ready as I was.

My parents arrived a little while later when Alexandra was still sleeping. My mom poked her head in to check on her, cooing over my tiny little daughter fast asleep in her crib.

"I remember when Edward was that small. You were quite a tiny baby considering how much you grew." She reminisced as she and my father got settled. I asked if either of them wanted something to drink, and they both opted for coffee.

Alice and Jasper arrived next, laden down with gift bags. Since Rose and Emmett wouldn't be arriving for some time we decided to start exchanging gifts without them for now. Bella came out of Alexandra's nursery with our daughter. She was fresh from her sleep and changed into the little Christmas dress we had picked out for her.

Alice giggled at the sight of her and immediately wanted to hold her. Alexandra had taken very well to being passed from member to member of my family. She didn't mind it all so long as someone was holding her.

"How's her appetite?" my mom asked, passing a couple gifts around.

"She eats like a pig." Bella laughed, opening one of Alexandra's gifts. Inside was another dress for New Years' from Alice. "Thanks, Alice, it's gorgeous."

"Jasper and I were thinking of coming over for New Years' for a few hours. Would that be ok?"

"Sure, we're not going anywhere."

"She's sleeping for five or six hours at night before waking up." I added, knowing my mom would most likely ask that next.

"That's average. Emmett would wake up every three hours on the hour."

"Throughout the day," my dad added with a chuckle, clearly not missing those days. "Luckily your mother and I were both staying at home for the first few months so we switched off easily."

I sat there and took in everything my parents offered about caring for my siblings and myself when we had been Alexandra's age. I knew Bella was listening as well, storing it all away for future reference.

"If she's anything like you, Edward, she'll be banging on anything that makes a sound soon enough." My mom threw me a knowing look. "I knew you would be a musician from the time you could hold a wooden spoon in your hand."

"Please, no more embarrassing baby stories." I held my hand up to stop her.

Rosalie and Emmett arrived a little bit after 2, but didn't stay long. They were exhausted from having been up the whole night before with Jason, and then running from one end of town to the other. We quickly exchanged gifts and wished each other a 'Merry Christmas' before they left to go home and rest.

"I feel as exhausted as she is." I commented from where Bella and I stood next to Alexandra's crib watching her sleep. The day was finally coming to a close, and I was ready to crash.

"Well, Esme was nice enough to leave a hefty amount of food for us, I think we should have some dinner before calling it a night."

"I could go for some of that ham." I admitted, my hand slipping up Bella's back as we walked out of the nursery. I had turned the monitor on before, and left the door cracked.

We reheated some dinner and instead of sitting at the table we made a small picnic on our bed, too tired to be formal. Bella had turned on a holiday movie, keeping the volume low. We laughed as we watched the classic film, simply enjoying each other's company for the time being.

"So, now that she's home, do you think we can nail down a more definitive date in the spring?" I asked as I chomped on a piece of asparagus.

"Did Alice get on your case today?" Bella asked, knowing my sister well.

"No, my mom asked actually. I think she just wants to get an idea of how the year will pan out."

"It's not even the new year yet." Bella sighed, exasperated. I know right now her priority, as well as mine, was adjusting to a new life with a baby and providing for her. Planning a wedding was the furthest thing from her mind right now.

"How about April? Alexandra will be about six months old then."

"April sounds good." Bella yawned.

"Are you just agreeing because you're tired, or do you really think April is a good idea?"

"You know what would be a good day?" She asked, flashing me her trademark grin.

"April first, and don't even go there. Emmett would never let us live it down."

"Aw, I think April first would be perfect."

"No," I laughed, "Now you're just being a smart ass. How about…April 21?"

"What day of the week is that going to be?"

I grabbed my iPhone off my nightstand and opened my calendar app. "A Sunday, that's appropriate."

"April 21 it is."

I felt a smile grow on my face, watching it reflect on Bella's. "I'll call my mom in the morning and let her know."

"Ok, but let's just keep it to your parents for now. I really don't want Alice going nuts."

"I'll let Esme know."

We sat in silence for a couple minutes as we finished eating and the movie ended. "It feels like life is finally starting to fall into place doesn't it?" Bella asked.

"Yes," I leaned over the small space separating us. "And I couldn't be happier." I whispered as I pressed my lips gently against hers.

**A/N: So I think the next chapter is going to be the last. Just a short epilogue. I would like to start focusing my attention on other stories. There will not be a sequel to this story. I already have two other sequels in progress and would like to start posting them, and two other stories I have been outlining and writing for well over a year. I want to see what I can get done with those. **


	20. Epilogue

**A/N: Thank you everyone for the reviews, sorry I couldn't respond before posting this. I have had so much reading to accomplish and I'm not feeling well this week. Also, I think I bombed my German test, and that doesn't put me in the best mood either. **

**This is the end for IYA. Hope you've all enjoyed the ride. I'll see you for the next one! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, just my own crazy, messed up thoughts. **

**BPOV**

Leaning on the deck post with my arms crossed over my chest, I watched my husband and our eighteen-month-old daughter chasing each other around the backyard. They played a combination of tag and hide-n-seek. Edward ducked in and out from behind the trunk of the willow tree, appearing and disappearing as Alexandra did her best to keep up on her little legs. She was more torso than she was limbs, so she was lean, but we knew she was going to be tall as well.

One year ago today Edward and I stood in his parents' backyard and made promises to each other that we vowed never to break. In attendance was only his family and our closest friends. At first we wanted to elope, just disappear for a weekend and get the thing done. But I knew how disappointed Esme and Alice would be.

I gave myself away, walking down the aisle with only Alexandra in my arms. I wore a very simple, white dress and flats. Edward wore his best suit. Emmett stood next to him in dress pants and a button down shirt. We wanted nothing over the top. The only thing I let Alice put together was the small party after the ceremony. It kept everything easy in our hectic lives.

That night I presented Edward with my finished novel. After Alexandra was born inspiration struck and I kept running with it until I finished. I hadn't sent it out to any publishers, or even shown it to the agency I worked for. I wanted Edward's opinion first.

I changed the names of everyone in our family, including Alexandra at first. But after reading it start to finish in a day, Edward insisted her name was too beautiful to change. So I kept Alexandra, but I changed the middle name. We mailed it out to local publishing houses in Seattle first. I didn't even have to six months for a response. My own agency picked it up and offered me a staggering advance. Edward and I used it to put a down payment on a small house down the street from Rosalie and Emmett.

I was offered a deal with my former job for my book. I worked with the company designer on the cover for three weeks before I was satisfied. We had a photographer come out to the house and take a photo of everyone in Edward's family with their hands out forming a circle. We even managed to include little baby hands. That photo was taken and a week later I was presented with a completed design where everyone's hands were still in a circle, but a red ribbon had been added so that it threaded around tying all the hands together and formed a heart in the middle.

_Ties That Bind_ skyrocketed to the 'Top Ten' list within six weeks of its publication. Two weeks after that it hit number one and stayed there for four months solid. My former employer was already planning on a one-year anniversary edition with photos and brief interviews from the family. I had never expected an offer like that, and jumped at it enthusiastically. I had no idea how popular my life story was until Edward, Alexandra and I went on a short book tour through Washington. I would have loved to go on a countrywide tour and spend weeks promoting my book, but with an almost one-year-old it would have been too much of a struggle.

In lieu of a honeymoon, Edward and I took Alexandra with us down to California for five days to spend together as a family. We took dozens of pictures everywhere we went, some of which I wanted included in the special edition of my book.

I was already planning a short sequel. I wanted to write about Alexandra's first year of life. All of the joy and, sometimes, fear having a child brought to a person. I wanted to explore in my writing the true depth of the love I felt for my husband and daughter. But there was also some tragedy woven in like the dark backside of a bright rug.

Almost a year after Alexandra was born I started having near debilitating pain in my abdomen. My PCOS had escalated and I had cysts in my uterus as well as on my ovaries. Only a few weeks earlier Edward and I discussed the possibility of having another child. I wanted to try, just for the sake of trying. But when my medical condition grew severe and I started passing more blood during my cycle than was normal…we knew another baby was impossible. My doctor assured me that if I did get pregnant I would more than likely miscarry before the end of my first trimester.

I was given the option of medication to dull the pain every month, or a hysterectomy.

I chose surgery.

There was no way I was going to live with that kind of pain every month, and some pain in between. I would never be able to be the mother I wanted to be for Alexandra. My daughter was too important to me. I had fought for her from day one, and I was going to keep on fighting for her, and for Edward, and what we had together.

Because I was not in as much pain from my ovaries as I was from the cysts in my uterus, Dr. Green did not remove them. Also, I was not keen on hormone therapy at the age of 27. I continued on with my pain medication for the slighter pain I had from ovarian cysts. I was in the hospital for just over a week, Dr. Green wanting to keep an eye on me just a bit longer. I can not even begin to describe the fan mail that came in, in those few days.

I had started a blog for my book that I kept up regularly, and had been posting for my many, many readers the sad news of my health. I got dozens of questions asking if Edward and I had wanted another baby before this happened. I answered them honestly, crying most of the time.

Edward was there everyday for me. The first day after the surgery was the hardest. It struck me just how final this was. How empty I felt. We would not be having any more children. I had wanted so desperately to give him a son, with his eyes. A little boy I could watch stand next to his father in the bathroom and pretend to shave. I had so many fantasies about that, and now they were never going to happen.

It took me months following the surgery to come to peace with it. But I finally did, and only recently have we started discussing the option of adoption. I wanted a sibling for Alexandra, a little brother. She had her older cousin, Jason, who was now a big brother. Alexandra wanted to be a big sister, I could tell. Every time we went to visit Emmett and Rose, Alexandra always wanted to help take care of little Aston.

I smiled and laughed to myself as I continued to watch Edward and Alexandra play their little game. She was at the age where she still believed he did actually disappear when he ducked behind the tree. She gasped and cried out in joy as Edward reappeared and started chasing after her. She was fast for such a little girl.

"Mommy!" She cried as she ran towards me with her arms open wide. "Hold me,"

"Hold you?" I questioned, getting down to gather her up.

Edward came up behind her and poked Alexandra gently in her side. She giggled out loud.

"Ok, I think it's mommy's turn now. Daddy's beat." He lay down on the deck and pretended to be asleep. I put Alexandra down and she started smacking Edward on his stomach.

"Daddy!"

"Ow!" Edward pretended to cry out in mock pain, which only made Alexandra laugh and hit him harder. "Mommy, help."

I put my hands up. "You're all alone on this one, babe."

"Some help you are." Edward grunted as he got to his knees and lifted Alexandra up into his arms. She cried out in surprise, but she wasn't scared.

"How about we go inside and make some dinner?" I asked, reaching up and tapping Alexandra's nose with the tip of my finger.

She nodded with a bright smile. "Yeah,"

After we put Alexandra down for the night with her sippy cup of milk, Edward and I retreated to our bedroom to celebrate one year of being married. We stayed up until the early hours of the morning worshipping each other until we were both completely sated.

I lay awake watching him watch me. The sky outside was starting to lighten, but the sun had yet to peak over the horizon. "When was the last time we stayed up all night?" He asked, a dumb smile on his face.

"Two nights ago, when Alexandra wouldn't go to sleep."

"I meant doing what we've been doing all night?"

"Hm…" I pretended to think about that for a moment. "That would be never."

"I think married life suits us well."

I laughed and leaned over his chest so I could kiss him. "I think family life suits us well."

Edward reached up and ran a hand through my hair pushing it back over my shoulder. "It does." He pushed his lips against mine, soft and insistent. "Happy anniversary," he whispered as he rolled me onto my back, pushing between my legs once more.

"Happy anniversary," I whispered back, tilting my hips up to meet his.

I sighed happily as our bodies effortlessly joined.

**A/N: The End. **

**Hope you all enjoyed!**


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